[Eric's Notes: As mentioned previously, this is an condensation of a much larger piece that was originally written to describe how certain, almost everyday activities in the World of Darkness felt to the various supernatural beings residing therein. Peter Woodworth wrote at great length about how using Rage felt for the Garou, or what it felt like to be a Changeling going into Bedlam, or how it felt when a Wraith's Shadow took over, but those things are not really relevant to Chicago Reborn. So, we've done some slight editing, taking out several of the non-Kindred references and only focusing on the things that matter to our game, making some minor wording changes and adding a section on Morality and Feeding (from a vampire's point of view). The larger, real piece is copyrighted 2001 by White Wolf Publishing, Inc., and no challenge to that copyright is made or intended here. Thank you.]

When you play Mind's Eye Theatre, you usually take on the role of a character whose daily life includes powers and states of being that are completely alien to normal human experiences. Such a role demands a correspondingly creative mind and some in-depth roleplaying on the player's part. Obviously, meeting this demand isn’t always easy, even for the best gamers. Sometimes, players come instead to see their characters are little more than tragically hip humans with a range of special talents and a few really killer allergies. In turn, this misconception robs some of the mystery and drama from a character's supernatural existence and generally turns the game from modern myth to more of a Gothic superhero comic.

This article's goal is to help give players a more gut-level sense of what it really feels like to walk as one of the Awakened. Read on for some points of reference on some of the more common powers and experiences for those looking to really step into their character's shoes.

Bearing that in mind, it often helps to remember these basic rules for playing a supernatural creature "accurately":

• Repeat after me: "My character is NOT just a human with neat super powers!"
• Supernatural powers are not accidental, and characters can't simply learn them from thin air. Most powers take some concentration or ritual; many require the expenditure of vital energies. Most importantly, all powers require some time to practice and master, even those that a character acquires instinctively.
• If your character is a vampire, he was once human, but now he's dead. He may linger on in some new, shadowy existence, but underneath it all lies the fact that he cheated final judgment; that he simply should not be.

Now that that's out of the way, let's see what the night has in store....

Awakening After the Embrace:

"They'll tell you it's like waking up. Uh-huh. Like being born is waking up, maybe. First you have to die, remember, and that hurts. Sure, it's blissful and sweet at first, but then the last of your blood goes, and you realize you've actually been climbing to the top of a cold, dark mountain, with nothing but blackness below. You slip, you fall, you feel numbness spreading as the blackness reaches out to suck you in. Then you splash down, liquid all around, and everything is on fire. You hit a pool of gasoline two seconds ahead of a match. Your throat is scorched, your limbs are burning, your whole body is a block of ice thawing out in a crematorium, and believe me you feel every inch of it as the flames pass over you. It drives the best of us crazy with pain, let me tell you. Strangest thing, though: One of the first thoughts you have is I'm still cold. As much hot blood as you get then or ever, you'll never quite get back what you had when you were alive."

The Hunger:

The Hunger is not the unpleasant ache of skipping lunch or dinner. A human going without food or water or sex or sleep for several weeks, now there's someone who is beginning to understand a glimmer of what the Hunger feels like. It is more than just a gnawing, consuming physical pain, though it is that too. Indeed, the Hunger is more aptly named because it is a drive that devours your thoughts, one by one, until only the idea of feeding - feeding NOW, without shame or caution or conscience - remains. It is loud, it is impatient, it is savage, it is everything inhuman. What's more, it always, always wins in the end.

On Feeding:

"My sire once told me that the word 'rape' once meant 'to seize and take away by force.' I don't know if that's true or not, but sometimes, well, I feel like I'm raping people. I'm stealing part of them away, robbing them, and there's nothing they can do about it. I try to hold off, to avoid doing it, but eventually, the Hunger gets to me, and there's no controlling it, and I have to go out and take what I need. Of course, I know if I hold off too long - there's no controlling it, and anyone and anything could be my victim, and that's even worse. So, I try to find people who might be into what I'm doing, people who seem to enjoy it and I try to make the whole thing pleasant - but deep in my heart, I know that no matter what, I'm raping people to survive. I know it's disgusting, but I figure eventually I'll either stop caring, find a way to rationalize it, or die from starvation and high morals...."

Frenzy:

The world shifts to black and white, with just a few brilliant points of color. Threats - color. Prey - color. Everything else simply fades into the scenery. Speech is an aimless, unintelligible mess, and other noises sound like they're distorted and far away. That is, unless they indicate a threat of some kind, in which case even the softest noise is as loud as a pistol fired next to your ear. To make matters worse, this black and white film changes speed constantly, without warning, going from painfully slow motion to a frantic flurry of images at the edge of comprehension.

Pain:

Without living nerve endings, the pain of the undead isn't a biological response anymore; it's more like outrage embodied. It's a primal sense of fear and anger that something is actually threatening your immorality. A human feels agony as nerves sever and blood flows; by contrast, a Kindred registers a knife's cut, but ordinary pain is replaced by an instinctive fear for his unlife combined with a rising feeling of "How dare she hurt me!?" In game terms, both are suffering the same Trait penalties due to the distraction of their wounds, but the sensation the Kindred experiences is quite different.

Dealing with Morality:

"Some say it's a blessing, to stop caring about what's wrong and what's right. Some say that giving up the nagging sensations of remorse and guilt eventually is for the best, but I don't think they're right. I've seen what happens to Kindred who lose all touch with their innate human nature, who eventually give in to the Beast that lies within us all, and it's not pretty. They just don't care any more about anything; all that concerns them is eating and sleeping and killing anyone who tries to stop them from eating or sleeping. Me, I'd rather feel bad about accidentally hurting someone when I go hunting or having to put someone down. It means I'm still here, in control. Sure, I might be doing things that I know are wrong, but the fact that I know that they're wrong means something. It's when I stop thinking that some particular thing is wrong that I get worried - it means that the sly bastard of the Beast within is stepping up, taking over, and I don't ever want that to happen to me. I won't let it happen, even if it means I have session of deep-soul searching and a massive crying jag every time I take too much from a vessel or have to do something that I know is wrong but necessary...."

Drinking:

Once he is able to overcome his revulsion and disgust at what he is doing, a Kindred experiences each mortal from whom he drinks blood as a unique "vintage." The young are energy embodied, and their blood flows sweet and bright, while the elderly are usually sluggish and heavy with an almost flat taste. Mortals who have just exercised (or run or fought) have an adrenaline tang to them, while those sleeping have a low warmth instead, like a soothing cup of tea. Blood itself has a faint metallic aftertaste and slightly thick texture as it is consumed. Fear comes through as a delicious sour twist, while pleasure has a round, comforting taste. Each mortal at each moment has a slightly different flavor, and each should be savored accordingly.

"Spending" Blood:

"First there's a kind of push inside, like trying to move an arm or a leg that's fallen asleep. It's not too much effort, but it's not a purely unconscious action, either. Then there's warmth in the arm or leg or wherever it was you willed blood to go, but it's not a comforting heat. It's more like the warmth you get when you throw the last log onto the fire. It may keep you for a time, but you know it's gone just the same. You know that before long, the cold will drive you out to search for more. And our winter never ends."

Changing Forms:

Certain wise Cainites can force their bodies to flow like blood, allowing them to assume different shapes. Doing so requires great discipline to avoid dispersing oneself, which explains why most such Kindred know only one or two other shapes. First blood saturates the Kindred's entire body, spreading a warm, almost lifelike tingle along the skin as it travels. Next there's a sickening, almost helpless feeling of floating apart as the blood flows into a new shape. Finally, the blood recedes from the outer edges of the body, surrounding the Kindred's entire new form with a chill hardness.

The Moment of Being Staked:

Some say that the heart only finally stops when the weight of years becomes too much for it to bear. Now try to imagine what the weight of immortality must feel like. Pierced through a heart unceasing, staked Kindred feel first as if the world has fallen upon them, a dull, immense, unyielding pressure that smothers every part of the body until the slightest movement becomes impossible. Sensation vanishes next, as if the normal world has suddenly fallen away around them, dropping them down into an endless well of silence, where at last they sink into the cold waters of torpor.

From the Human Point of View - Being Fed From:

"When you're bitten, you have just enough time to think, 'Hey that hurts - ' before the ecstasy begins. Every nerve ending is active, every sense is wide open, every switch is flipped to 'YES!' You even start feeling like your life force is floating right in front of you. You could reach out and actually touch your soul if you wanted to. Of course, that's because the bastard is stealing it from you, and part of you knows it, deep down. But it's so beautiful, so powerful that the rest of you doesn't even care. That's the scariest part of all."