...A Ventrue's Guide to Etiquette...

"For as laws are necessary that good manners be preserved, so there is need of good manners that law may be maintained." - Machiavelli

"For when the one great scorer comes to write against your name, He marks not that you won or lost - but how you played the game." - Grantland Rice

Think of etiquette, if you like, as the oil that greases the wheels of all interactions between individuals, groups and institutions. If you know the rules then you can play the game and at the end of 90 minutes it's balls in the back of the net that count... oh yes. And if there seem to be a lot of rules, it's because they are all inclusive, the proper etiquette will cover all aspects of your existence. In time you may become such a true master that you need never think 'what is the correct protocol for tying my shoelaces' but merely do it. For most of my readers this state of grace is something that can only be aspired to, and so, gentle reader, it is my pleasant task to guide you through the intricacies of the great game. Good luck and fair winds follow you!

"What boots it, thy virtue; What profit thy parts While one thing thou lackest- The art of all arts, The only credentials; Passport to success, Opens castles and parlours; Address, man, address?"- Emerson

The protocols for speaking with other Cainites will form a vital part of the rest of your existence, gentle reader, and it is important to remember that the main use of etiquette is to smooth all social interactions and remove needless antagonism, even when a full and frank exchange of views is to be held.

It should be no surprise that the correct protocols vary greatly with respective status. This means that it is vital to gain an idea of the relative status of another Cainite as soon as possible when interacting with them. An important first step is clan. In most social interactions it is considered polite to state one's clan as part of any introduction. This will also encourage the other kindred to respond appropriately. Whilst it is important to observe the niceties with members of our own clan who appreciate such things, Brujah rabble and Gangrel outsiders do not require such delicacy. It has been said that this is a form of social stigmatism but I say 'Nay', it is simply a truth that many of these creatures feel uncomfortable within the bounds of civilized behavior.

A careful attention to detail, such as the manner in which a Cainite walks, how he dresses, whether he defers to his own elders, his manner of speech, will give an impression of the way in which he wishes to be addressed. Until you are certain of relative status, it is generally safest to humor this. The use of polite witticisms in conversation is usually frowned upon unless you are a master of the art (as I am myself), or have reason to believe that your conversational partner has a sense of humor. If this is the case, however, it is a certain way of relaxing the tone of an altercation. The use of irony, in particular, to soften the blow of a necessary reproof cannot be overestimated, provided that the other Cainite is sufficiently aware to catch the intended meaning. It should -always- be possible to discuss matters of business or personal interest with other Ventrue without raising the temperature, and at the risk of generalizing, it may be said that many Toreador can also be relied upon to uphold a civilized level of conversation. In cases where mere conversation is not sufficient to settle the point, then I refer you, gentle reader, to following chapters.

"Curtsey while you're thinking what to say, it saves time." - Lewis Carroll

"Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill." - Anon.

Be in no doubt as to the wisdom of deferring to your own elders, by the certain fact of the status they hold, they are deserving of your consideration. It is also true that by using the correct protocols an elder will pay more attention to your opinions, at least in the first instance. When your elder enters a room, it is correct to stand as a token of regard, unless there are Kine present in which case a simple nod is sufficient. Do not address your elder beyond a formal politeness unless he addresses you first, or has given you permission to speak. The correct forms of address could fill a vast tome, if you are not certain as to which is appropriate then you have to option of listening to how others address him, or simply asking and apologizing for your own ignorance in the matter.

It is always appropriate to apologies to one's elders for any real or imagined failing in your own etiquette. It implies that you are willing to accept their judgment and advice and create a good impression. So, it is always appropriate to turn up to any meeting approximately 5 minutes after the agreed time. This will give you something to apologies for immediately and will get the meeting off on the right foot. Never criticize your elder in public unless you are doing so specifically to draw another into the same trap, it will reflect badly upon your own status. It may also lead to more serious repercussions... When your elder makes a suggestion, it is appropriate to agree to it in principle, although unnecessary to speak at great length about the merits of the proposed plan. However, it is not a kindness to withhold your own reservations about any course of action. Make free use of apologies (see above) for your own shortsightedness and failings, and ask permission to speak your mind.

"The difference between a lady and a flower-girl is how she treats others, not how she is treated." - George Bernard Shaw

When speaking with kindred who, either because of being younger in years or less fortunate in their breeding than yourself, remember at all times that merely by hearing them out, you are marking them as favored and improving their own status. Expect them to be grateful for this sign of favor and to show it in respect for your opinions and deferment to your superior judgment and experience.

Whilst their opinions may be shallow, narrow-minded or simply foolish, by encouraging lower status kindred to offer their thoughts, you are preparing the ground for the day when their thoughts may genuinely be worth something. So it is worth cultivating an air of attentiveness, nod from time to time, ask polite questions by rephrasing their last sentence while you are occupied with other thoughts. If indeed it is something that you may need to devote attention to, it may be advisable to ask the Cainite to offer his opinions in writing so that you may give them the attention they deserve.

If, for any reason, you need to rebuke a lower status kindred be aware of whether the infringement was intended or simply due to ignorance. Not all kindred are fortunate enough to have as good a grasp on the social niceties as you do yourself, gentle reader. A lesson in etiquette from an elder is something that not all kindred will see as a gift and may need to be pointed out more forcefully. However, it should be possible to do this without resorting to a show of strength, in fact it is desirable to avoid a show of strength as this is generally considered to be poor etiquette.

Etiquette Of Dealing With Ones' Peers

"'Play up! Play up! and play the game!'" - Henry Newbolt

Deal with your peer with courtesy and all due politeness, gentle reader, and you will engender in him a respect for your own judgment that may be quite out of proportion to anything you actually have to communicate. Trust is a rare and valuable commodity indeed, and cannot be conveyed by mere politeness, but by engendering a reputation as one who can discuss even matters that bear against yourself in a true and courteous fashion, you will convey an impression of yourself as an honorable man or woman. The importance of impressions such as this cannot be overestimated.

"D'ye ken John Peel with his coat so grey, as he rides to his hounds at the break of day. From a meet to a scent, from a scent to a view, from a view to a kill in the morning." - Anon.

The reader will no doubt be familiar with a number of preferred methods for hunting and each Cainite will tend to keep to his own usual hunting grounds and his own methods. A full discussion of the tradition of domain is not the subject of this text, but it is also considered polite to acknowledge another kindred if you should hunt in their preferred areas, whether they be 'public' or no. This as opposed to an area which may be held by an elder or favored kindred as their own personal and private domain by gift from the Prince. In this latter case, the usual formalities for acknowledging domain take precedence. However, in the former case, in which a shared or public domain is your hunting ground, by choice or necessity, acknowledgement may be as simple as a shared glance or a nod. If it is the case that your preferred type of prey is similar to that of another Ventrue then you may wish to confer via small notes or agreed hand gestures as to which of you will approach a likely vessel. This is one of the few cases where is it permissible to confer with your elder on level terms. Openly competing with another Cainite for the same vessel is poor form. It is appropriate to allow your competitor the victory and then require him to tender you another vessel in the future in exchange.

Hunting will usually be divided into three phases, scouting, luring and feeding and, gentle reader, you will need no reminder of the importance of maintaining the masquerade at all times. The scouting phase will involve the correct selection of locale and of a potential vessel. The luring will involve separating the vessel from the crowds and finding a secure and quiet place. The feeding phase will involve the kiss and any 'tidying up' necessary to maintain the masquerade.

For reasons of security and convenience, many of our clan will choose to maintain a herd. It is inappropriate to add to your herd Kine with whom you have frequent business dealings, either through controlling them directly or indirectly. Whilst it is possible to have a short-term business relationship with a mortal, you will not wish to be encumbered with the same mortal as herd once their usefulness in other ways has been depleted.

However, the addiction to the Kiss which has been noted in some vessels can be a useful control mechanism and is one of the most common ways in which kindred bind their herds together. Do not think that your herd are mere Kine and beneath your consideration. Whilst this may be true, they are -your- Kine and it behooves a well-mannered kindred to keep an amiable eye out for their welfare. This courtesy has enabled many Cainites in the past to gain a valuable pre-warning of possible dangers to themselves.

Members of your herd should of course remain largely ignorant of your true nature unless appropriate precautions have been taken. Be in no doubt that they will be happier in a state of ignorance (it will be a natural state for many of them). Monitor them for signs of disease or of anemia (thin blood) as well as mental disorders. If you have cause to believe that another kindred is feeding from your herd then a simple rebuke should be sufficient. Expect other kindred to respect your herd and show the same consideration yourself. Poaching a vessel from another Cainite is an easy way to escalate a private argument into a full civil war with many clan members involved which can only lose you status. Do not let it happen.

It is a sad truth that there will be occasions when a dispute arises between two of our clan over a matter of honour. The custom of dueling is one which has arisen to meet a need in our society, viz. the settlement of a matter of honour without resort to blood-feuds or protracted disputes which may be damaging not only to both involved but also to the reputation of our clan in general. So with no more ado I here present the most basic customs of the challenge, the acceptance and the duel. It should be noted that local customs and traditions will tend to take precedence over the more general case. In cases of disagreement it is usual for the principals to reach a private agreement before proceeding. It should also be noted that many elders disapprove of dueling and you should in all cases be guided by their example.

The traditional way of challenging another to a duel is to strike them in the face with a gauntlet or glove and then let it fall at their feet. By taking up the gauge, the challenged man or woman accepts the duel. Be warned that to challenge someone of much higher or lower status than yourself is considered something of a breach of etiquette. Your superiors are likely to laugh at your temerity, and challenging those of radically lower status is likely to have detrimental effect on your own status. It is also possible at this time to select a 'champion' to act as a proxy for one of the principals, in the case that one or the other is otherwise rendered incapable of performing their part.

Once the challenge is accepted, both parties declare who their 'second' is to be, typically this will be another kindred who is known and trusted. It is a great honour to be chosen as a second by one of higher status and carrying out the second's duties well will tend to increase clan status. It may also be appropriate to request an elder to perform this task, which will incur some small debt on your behalf; the formal declaration of trust is however, well worth it. After the gauge is taken up and seconds announced, it is customary for the principals to confer only via their seconds and not speak directly until the duel has been successfully concluded.

Arrangements for the duel are concluded as follows. The challenged chooses the weapon (the honourable choices are usually restricted to dueling rapiers or pistols, although weapons of many other types have been used and it is not unheard of for duels to be fought over games of cards or chess. It is not considered honourable to fight a duel with a weapon capable of doing a massive amount of damage such as a sub-machine gun unless you both have access to suitable armour/ tanks. Resolving a dispute by means of bare-knuckle fighting is considered somewhat below the salt, as t'were, but if needs must, then the Marquis of Queensbury Rules apply). The challenger chooses the place, the challenged chooses which disciplines of the blood will be counted valid for the duration of the bout and the challenger chooses the time of the bout.

All of these discussions are, naturally concluded via seconds. It is also the duty of the seconds to be present at the bout in order to ensure fair play on both sides, in accordance with whatever was agreed previously. In case of a duel by combat the seconds have the right to inspect both weapons before the bouts, and it is also the duty of the second to assist his principal from the field of combat if necessary.

It is not necessary to remind you, gentle reader, that a duel to the death will inevitably result in a breaking of the Tradition of Destruction. It is by no means unknown for a blood hunt to be called on the winner of such a duel as well as both seconds who assisted in it. How much more proper is an agreement to fight to first blood, or until one of the principals yields the point?

"All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score." - Henry Tyroon

As any reader will know, a great deal of our clan business is conducted via meetings. Whilst local elders and directorates will have their own particular customs and conventions, it was felt to be instructive to provide a few notes of assistance to the uninitiated. Every board will have an appointed or elected chairman, who is responsible for ensuring that the meetings are held at regular intervals and that appropriate minutes are taken and made available. In practice, it is a great honour to be asked to take the minutes of a meeting, although a somewhat dreary task, and chairmen usually take good care to handpick their secretaries with a mind to ensuring that the 'correct' version of what happened at the meeting is recorded for posterity.

Board meetings may be either 'closed' to members only, or 'open' either to invited guests or to all kindred. In either of these latter cases it is usual to conclude private clan matters in a brief closed meeting before the full meeting is called to order.

For simplicity, I have made some notes on the expected etiquette for board meetings and divided them into sections depending on whether the kindred is a directorate member, secretary or chairman (it is customary to refer to the chairman as such even in the cases where a woman is in the chair).

As a board member, you may expect to receive a copy of the Agenda and a formal notification of the date, time and place of the meeting some days before it occurs, in writing. At this point it is appropriate to contact the secretary with any items you might wish to add to the agenda that are not already present, or with apologies if you are unable to attend. A cast-iron excuse is usually required, and in any case it is generally advantageous to be seen at the meetings whether or not you have anything to contribute. In this case, as opposed to the case of a one on one meeting with your elder, it is appropriate to be punctual. The first item on the agenda is usually to agree the minutes of the last meeting although in many directorates this is considered unnecessary. It is at this initial stage of the meeting that discussion is properly held about the order of agenda items. This has a more political aspect than may at first be apparent, as it is usual for more important matters to placed higher up the running order.

If you have something to contribute to the debate once the meeting is under way then remember that it is unseemly to express yourself in emotional outbursts. Take a moment to compose your thoughts and then catch the chairman's eye, when he acknowledges you then you may make your point in a clear and concise fashion. A competent chairman will not allow the meeting to degenerate into an incoherent argument, but it is equally the responsibility of all present to ensure that the business of the meeting is brought to a satisfactory conclusion. A formal copy of the minutes of the meeting signed by both the secretary and the chairman is customarily distributed to all members some days after the meeting itself.

The role of the secretary is formally to assist the chairman in any way that might be required and to take the minutes of the meeting. This will usually include sending out the agenda and calling notice, taking responsibility for the hospitality arrangements for any guests of the directorate, ensuring that accommodations for the meeting is in order, and that any required furniture, overhead projectors, whiteboards etc are available. It is usual for the secretary's duties to be entrusted to a neonate or to a retainer of the chairman.

It is the role of the chairman to ensure that the meeting accomplishes its formal requirements and that clan matters are resolved in a manner which suits all parties. Gentle reader, whilst it may never fall to your part to chair a board meeting, there are some elders who prefer to rotate this duty, and it is in any case instructive to consider the chairman's viewpoint and obligations. It is a truth that the easiest way to control the outcome and decisions made by a meeting is from the chairman's seat. An accomplished chairman can control a meeting in many ways, including a careful setting of the agenda, control of the written output of the meeting via the secretary, and a careful choice of dates and times. Sadly, it is not unknown for members of our clan of mine own acquaintance (who I shall not name here) to ensure that a vote goes according to their will by arranging that powerful opponents are elsewhere when the vote is taken. It is often possible to arrange a proxy vote in advance if this seems likely to occur. Similarly, whilst it is considered unmannerly to influence the course of a discussion by means of disciplines, this is also not unknown.

More mundanely, it is incumbent upon the chairman to attempt to ensure that the meeting moves through all of the items on the agenda in the allotted time. It is not uncommon for a single item of discussion to drag on for hours as old scores and minor points are brought up, IF the meeting is not rapidly steered back on course. A competent chairman may do this by asking the main parties to discuss the matter in private and come back with an agreed solution by the next meeting. In the case in which urgency is a factor, this course may not be possible and it falls to the chairman to decide which agenda items must be dropped if time is running short.

If the meeting will not be brought to order by any other means then it is appropriate for the chairman to stand up. This customarily is a formal request for all at the table to be silenced, until the chairman retakes his seat. In the unlikely case that one or more members of a board will not be brought to order then again it falls to the chairman to exclude them or banish them from the table, pending further action.

Local directorates will have their own customs as regards the establishment and disestablishment of a chairman, but it is usual for there to be a consensual means for an unpopular or incompetent chairman to be voted out. This is usually considered to be a last resort, due to the flurry of politicking which invariably follows such a move.

As in all cases, business which is private to the board should not be communicated to outsiders. It is never appropriate for members of our clan to air their dirty linen in public, as the associated loss of status affects us all.