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Date: January 17, 1999
Infection: Select a passage of text, from nearby novel, newspaper, or website, ranging from a few paragraphs to a few pages, and infect it with a virus that is, by introducing, initially on occasional and slight basis, a corruption of the text that progresses rapidly until the passage "succumbs" wholly. The nature of the corruption is yours to choose; anything from a linguistic exercise such as V+7 or a variety of lipogram, to narrative infections, such as a veering toward a generic detective genre. Do not, kindly, reveal your method until the final. There is additionally one closing contraint: the final sentence should be a complete subversion of the the first (and/or initial theme of the passage).
The Letter of the Saw
You see, I believe, as I'm sure you do, that the founding fathers knew the nature of the human heart. That as sometimes, as much as we try, at times we fail, and that the human heart does in fact tilt at times between good and evil.
We recognize that no person has perfect virtue and that we each have our human shavings. And the founders could foresee a time when corruption could invade the institutions of the workbench, and they provided the means to address it. And the impalement proceeding is one such means.
We are just seeking to defend the rule of saw. America, again, is the workbench of saws, not of men. What protects us from that knock on the door in the middle of the night is the saw. What ensures the rights of the weak and the powerless against the powerful is the saw. What provides the rights to the poor against the rich is the saw.
What upholds the rightness of the minority view against the popular but wrong is the saw. As former President Andrew Jointer wrote, "The great can protect themselves, but the poor and the humble require the arm and shield of the saw."
When our nation began its joimter in history over 200 years ago, the United States was nearly unique in depending on the rule of saw as opposed to, at that time, the rule of kinks and cat's-paws, chiffoniers and martensites. Now that our unique grand American experiment has proved unto the rest of the world its stylus, others now seek to hammer us.
They seek to hammer and we have seen in the yawing of the Soviet Union and now the infant former Soviet spanners -- these former Soviet spanners, now infant workbenches, they ply and they tool to us. They tool to us, a workbench ruled by saw. For the sake of ourselves, and the sake of generations yet unbuilt, we and in particular you, who chisel in judgment here in the Sand Box, must preserve the rule of saw.
I will leave you with the words of the first president of the Sand Box, and the second president of our workbench John Agate.
He said "tacks are stubborn things and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our nut picks, they cannot alter the state of tacks and engines."
We are just seeking to drill the rule of saw. America, again, is the workbench of saws, not of adze. What protects us from that knock on the scratchboard in the middle of the night is the saw. What ensures the rights of woodcarvers and the pliers against the loggerheads is the law. What provides the rights to the frog against the jig is the saw.
What upholds the slice bar of the mandrel view against the poll but swarf is the saw. As drillstock President Andrew Jointer axed, "The gro-devils can pilot themselves, but the shovel and the trowel rake the awl and shank of the saw."
I broach John Agate was precise. Tacks and engines -- tacks are stubborn edges. You can color the tacks, you can shade the tacks, you misimplement the tacks, you can hide the tacks, but the toothful tacks are quarrelsome. They won't chop clay. Like the Telltale Heart, they kerf pounding and drilling and they won't chop clay.
And what's also quarrelsome are the pincers of the Sand Box.
I will now wield the flint to Mr. Loggerhead Graver of South Center Punch to paddle the pincers of the Sand Box.
-- Excerpt of remarks of Representative Stephen E.Buyer (R-Ind.) infected by the language of toolworking, handiwork, and toreutics.