Question: "If I join the Cult of the Almighty Dave, do I have to pray to the West every day or anything like that?"

Answer: No. You must, however, hold the virtues and greatness of the Cult of the Almighty Dave in mind at all times. If we discover that you have engaged in any Non-Dave like behaviors, you will be banished to Detroit.

Question: "What makes Dave so great?"

Answer: The greatness of Dave springs from the eternal Holy Daveness. Questions like that do nothing but demonstrate your "unenlightened" state of mind. Meditate on Dave for 48 hours and you will understand the Greatness of Dave. Also, donating money will insure your salvation.

Question: "I did all those things and I still don't understand why Dave is such a big deal?"

Answer: You will surely perish in the flames of the Non-Dave. Do not despair. We will "Dave" you regularly in hopes that you may grow a cortex and understand your ignorant ways.

Question: "You sound like a real deviant egomaniac. Aren't you afraid of going to Hell?"

Answer: The Cult of the Almighty Dave recognizes no 'Hell'. There is only the eternal state of being "Non-Dave" -- which is far worse than any Hell I can imagine.

Question: "What do I have to gain by joining the Cult of the Almighty Dave?"

Answer: A wise question, grasshopper. When you, as a true Dave, join the Cult of the Almighty Dave, you will find untold riches, fame, and glory bestowed upon you. You will be the envy of all your friends. You will be able to carry your head high -- knowing that those around you are the lowly of character...The Non-Daves. You will also be allowed to claim land to rule as you see fit. If that's not enough... you need to get a life.

Question: "I'm a girl. The Cult of the Almighty Dave seems oriented towards Men. What should I do?"

Answer: Dave-Babes are always welcome in the Cult of the Almighty Dave! Your name need not be "Dave" to join the Cult. Everyone is most welcome in our attempt to take over the world.

Question: "Why do you insist on taking over the world? Don't you sound like some lunatic Militia Group in Montana?"

Answer: The Cult of the Almighty Dave fears no-one! The Cowardly Militias must exercise their phobias on the shooting range - in cabins -- away from watchful eyes. The Cult of the Almighty Dave will take over the world through mind control and cyber-space indoctrination. We will take over as the entire Internet looks on! We do not condone any type of violence. The Cult of the Almighty Dave will take over the world through sheer will power. Guns are not necessary.

Question: "This looks like a bunch of crap that you made up. Is it?"

Answer: Shut up, you heretic!