New Books or Body Fluids?

Well, which do you think I'm dealing with today? Am I at my job as acquisitions librarian? Or am I home tending a sick baby? It's the latter, I'm afraid. Michael must have eaten something that didn't agree with him, and spend most of last night getting rid of it, and any milk he got from what were supposed to be recuperative nursings. Since we sleep in a "family bed" much of this sickness meant that we went through all of our bedsheets. This morning he woke up in good spirits, and I thought "maybe I can go to work after all" (it's Dad's day today), but after a brief morning nursing it was back again and then some. So far, so good since 8am--the nursings and the vitamin-infused water have stayed down. Plus the boy is napping.

I'm lucky enough to have a flexible state job, where I can take leave when I need to. I only feel a little guilty staying home today in terms of my workload. There are great folks at work to pick up the slack, yet I also feel that I should be a superachiever, to show everyone (mostly my boss) that I can have a kid and be a new library professional who is interested in learning and advancing along the chosen career path.

I was asked at one of this weekend's social events whether I was "parenting full time". Although I knew what this really meant was if I was a "stay at home mom" full time, I interpret it quite differently. I am always "on" as a mom, even when I am at my job. I am thinking about Michael's being at daycare when I am processing an order, helping a staffperson, etc. My status as a mom also comes through in my supervising and relating to other people, not just the other moms in the unit. It's like becoming a mom for everyone. In hindsight I wish I explained this to the person who asked me the question, but I'm afraid I was probably more flip than that, fueled by the exasperation and defensiveness of my fractured-feeling identity.