Ah Friday! plus Mommy Guilt

Friday, you say? But it's Thursday! Such is the weekly rhythm of the mommy working flextime. There are challenges and rewards to the 4-10 workweek. How can you work 10-hour days, people ask? (Usually people who haven't endured some of the long work cycles of production at, say, Microsoft, or other corporate venues.) Well, the way I see it, I'm in early enough where not too many people will see me dragging, and by the end of my day everyone else is tired too, so it's really the peak middle hours I'm worried about.

That's the flip answer, the "stealing the money" answer. The somewhat more honest and circumspect answer is that this is the best weekly schedule for my family, and any work-related benefits are secondary. This keeps Michael in daycare a minimum of days (he's in 3 days per week, with Dad off on Wednesdays, which will be ending soon--that's another post topic), which is good for the boy and the pocketbook (another post). There's guilt all-around with this setup though. The "I'm not with my baby" guilt is there, of course. But there's also the guilt of "I know I could be a better employee, but this is what you get right now". Even though you might be dedicated to both sides of the coin, you can't help feel like you're shaving off a bit from either one.

I managed to find a little relief in one of my current readings: M. Scott Peck's Gifts for the Journey (1985 repub in 1995 under this title). He talks about how within the Christian context our sins are completely forgiven, and to persist in guilt over them is a version of pride. Some of you might think, "Great, now I can feel guilty about feeling guilty!" But to actually follow through with this is pretty liberating. It calls to mind that familiar AA adage "One day at a time!" I know a lot of working moms who operate under that, so let's accept the forgiveness and do the best we can. Time to start earning my money now....