dansmath > Math Jokes

 < Math Jokes & Riddles >

"If you don't have a sense of humor, it just isn't funny."

 What did the acorn say when he grew up?   Alexander the Great (also on Paradoxes & Bogus Proofs Page)   Programmer in the shower   The bird that flew away   Why did FDR get mad at work?   What's purple and commutes?   Math in Heaven?   Primes by occupation?   Three kinds of people   10 kinds of people   All natural numbers are funny   Click here to suggest a math joke (bad ones too!)

What did the acorn say when he grew up? (top)

Dan's Note: This is a required 'First Math Joke.' (Someone sent it in, too!)

Alexander the Great had an Infinite Number of Limbs - From Joel Rubin - grad school days! (top)

Alexander the Great was forwarned of his fate by an oracle.
Forewarned is fore-armed.
Four arms + 2 legs = 6 limbs.
Six is an odd number of limbs for a man!
Six is even.
No finite number is both odd and even
Therefore Alexander had an infinite number of limbs!

Question: Why did the computer programmer die in the shower? (top)

Answer: The directions on the shampoo bottle were: "Lather...Rinse...Repeat."

Question: What do you call a bird that flew away from home? (top)

Answer: Poly-gon ! . . . . ha ha ha (From my Trig student Will)

Question: Why did Franklin Delano Roosevelt often get mad at work? (top)
From Nikita K., who "came up with this while studying for AP Physics exam. Who knows, maybe I got a 5..."
r = d = distance ; a = acceleration ; m = mass ; F = force = ma (Newton's Law)

Question: What's purple and commutes? (top)

Math in Heaven? (top)
(Dan's note: I don't usually include religious jokes, other than the Bible saying that pi = 3, but...)

Jesus and his disciples were walking around one day, when Jesus said,
"The Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9."
The disciples looked very puzzled, and finally asked Peter, "What on earth
does Jesus mean - 'the Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9?'"
Peter said, "Don't worry, guys. It's just another one of his parabolas."

Which numbers are prime? (by occupation) (top)

Mathematician: "The primes are 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, etc.
There's no regular pattern or easy way to find the next one.
The number of primes less than x approaches x / (ln x) ."

Physicist: "All odd numbers are prime. See, I'll show you:
3's prime, 5's prime, 7's prime, 9 (experimental error) , 11's prime, etc."

Numerologist: "Some odd numbers are prime, some aren't. Take
the last two digits in your birth year. Is it a prime? That's odd!"

Engineer: "All odd numbers are prime. 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11, 13, 15, 17, ..."

Three Kinds of People (sent in by my former student L.L.) (top)

There are three kinds of people in this world:
those who are good at math, and those who aren't.

10 Kinds of People (follow-up from my student Lorenzo, now in Italy) (top)

There are 10 kinds of people in the world:
Those who know binary, and those who don't.

Every Natural Number Is Funny (top)

1. Make a list of all natural numbers that aren't funny.
(Warning: this could take a long time, perhaps the rest of your life.)

2. Now look at the very smallest number on your list.

3. If you start to laugh, cross the number off the list,
and go back to step 2. Otherwise go to step 4.

4. Isn't it a funny property, being the first on this list?

5. Cross the number off your list, and go to step 2.

6. Proceed in this fashion until no numbers are left.

7. All unfunnies are gone, so all numbers are funny!