New Priest
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The New Priest
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done. The Monsignor replied,
"When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass
of Vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous I take a sip."
So the next Sunday, he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of
the sermon he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his
door from the Monsignor:
- Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
- There are 10 commandments, not 12.
- There were 12 disciples, not 10
- Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
- Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
- We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
- The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior,
and Spook.
- David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap out of him.
- When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say
he was stoned off his ass.
- We do not refer to the cross as the Big T.
- When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take
this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say "Eat me."
- The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the "Mary with the Cherry".
- The recommended grace before a meal is not "Rub-A-dub-dub,
thanks for the grub...yeah God".
- Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peters,
not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
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