Reasons to Buy a New Car

Reasons to Buy a New Car

• Your passenger seat is on the National Register of Historic Places
• Instead of an airbag, there's a whoopie cushion taped to your steering wheel
• Stench from bodies in trunk becoming unbearable
• You lose the stop-light challenge to a 14-year old on a moped
• 15 minute Jiffy Lube needs to keep your car for 3 days
• Thieves repeatedly break into your car just to take "The Club"
• When you gas up, the attendant asks, "Can I re-duct tape that windshield for you?"
• While waiting at a stop-light, people run up asking if anyone was hurt
• You never seem to get an answer at the AMC Gremlin help desk
• For the last five years, you've had to settle for making "vroom-vroom" noises while sitting in the driveway
• You keep losing dates on left turns
• Your gas guage measures in cubits
• Traffic reporters starting to refer to you by name when discussing morning tie-ups
• Hasn't been the same since Hugh Grant borrowed it
• Your tires are balding faster than Michael Bolton