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Note: One day at New World (my ex-place of employment) someone started
this thread on our email and everyone added some stuff. This is how it ended
up...
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD ?
Plato: For the greater good.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the road, the road
gazes also across you.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken
was on, but it was moving very fast.
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored)
reason.
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road
crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Buddha: If you ask this question you deny your own chicken-nature.
Salvador Dali : The Fish.
Darwin: It was the next logical step after coming down from the trees.
Gary Larson: Don't ask me. I'm retired.
Bill Gates: For the money.
Sigmund Freud: The chicken obviously was female and obviously interpreted
the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of
which she was envious.
George Lucas: Because the force was with it.
Yoda: Crossing a road does not a great chicken make.
Karl Marx (again): To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.
Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens
in motion tend to cross the road.
Marshall McLuhan: The Road is the Medium... The Chicken is the Message
!!
George Orwell: Because Big Brother was watching to make sure that
it did cross the road, although in its heart the chicken never did.
Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross??
William Shakespeare: I know not why, but methinks I wouldst rattle
off a hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.
Art Bilger (head of New World Communications): I don't know anything
about this chicken rumor and a possible sale of the chicken to FOX. The
chicken is NOT FOR SALE. We're in the chicken business for the long run.
As a matter of fact, most of my friends are chickens and so are all my business
associates. Of course, I didn't say that. And I didn't write any memo. Oh,
by the way, all you other chickens clean out your desks.
New World employee: To get a job.
Another New World employee: To avoid the "Fox".
Bill Kerstetter and Harvey Finkel (two New World executives): There
will be a meeting tomorrow at 10:00am to discuss plans and answer questions
relating to the rumor that the chicken crossed the road. (three months after
the chicken actually crossed the road)
Bob Dole: And I said to that chicken...just don't do it. Cause the
problem is, there's too many chickens just walking across the road to our
side. These chickens are eating up your tax dollars. Bob Dole thinks these
chickens should stay on their own side of the road.
Bill Clinton: To get the back door of the White House. Oh, you said
chicken. I thought you said "chick". Never mind. But if I'm re-elected,
every chicken will have the choice whether or not to cross the road and
the means to do it. And that's bought and paid for in my budget.
Ross Perot: Now looky here! See, chickens are a resource! They should
be run like a business, see? Now, the other night, some aliens landed on
my roof and tried to sell me some chickens! You know why? Plain ol' common
sense! So, now what we have to do is open chicken farms on both sides of
the road, see? What do we do? Double our productivity, right? Now, these
Washington politicians will try and tell you that we only need chickens
on one side of the road! I say these are your chickens, so let 'em cross
the road when you want 'em to!
Boris Yeltsin: Because there was nothing wrong with its heart.
Bob Dole (again): It only got 15% of the way across before it stalled.
Jeffrey Dahmer: I ran something down once that was crossing the road.
It tasted like chicken.
Christopher Reeve: I don't think it's important "why". I
think it's important just to try to walk across the road.
O.J. Simpson: I was at home chipping golf balls at the time you say
the chicken allegedly walked across the road. I don't know why! Why are
you asking me? I'm just the "Juice", whatever that means. You
should be trying to find the person who really knows. All I know is a chicken
could still run across the road even after you cut its head off.
Howard Stern: Because there were lesbians on the other side, and everybody
loves the lesbians. Besides, neither chickens nor lesbians complain about
my small [genitals].
Jerry Seinfeld: Who are these people who want to know why?
Tim Allen: For more power.
David Letterman: From the home office in Wahoo, Nebraska...the Top
Ten reasons why the chicken crossed the road........
Spike Lee: To get on the bus to Washington.
The New York Yankees: To get to Disneyland.
Louis Farrakhan: Don't let the racist press fool you. There were actually
a million chickens.
Captain Kirk: To avoid violating the Prime Directive. It's a shame
the red-shirt security officers didn't get across safely, but they did not
sacrifice themselves in vain.
Mr. Spock: It was logical.
Dr. McCoy: Now wait a minute, I'm a doctor, not a chicken psychologist!
Ronald O. Perelman (billionaire owner of New World): To deposit Murdoch's
$2.5 Billion check.
Libertarian: Because the goverment said not to
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