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Terms of use:  Access to www.rvroadie.com is granted providing that you:

 

  1. Have an Internet connection and are not receiving this website as a voice in your head, or as a sudden understanding of the ululations of ocean waves as binary code, that you decipher in your head, as I type dictation from the voices in mine.
  2. Verify that your computer is actually plugged into an electrical outlet while you read these diatribes.  (Lean over and check now)  If your computer is not plugged in and you are still reading this, immediately sprinkle vegetable oil on your computer case and chant three times in a Vincent Price voice “Demon I exorcise thee!”   Make a circle of salt around your chair but do not encompass the computer to continue.  Run the program EXOR.SYS in DOS mode as a precaution.  If the monitor begins to spin around . . . run!
  3. Are an adult over age 18 and can accept responsibility for your own actions.  If you think that is tough, just think that I have to accept attribution for this whole website!
  4. Understand all content is for informational purposes only, what you do with any information on this site is your responsibility.   
  5. Agree that the content does not necessarily reflect the opinions of Major League Baseball, the NFL, major religious leaders, economists, ancient philosophers, other RVrs, or even myself. 
  6. Agree your  politics are best described in this David Epstein quote: “I'm left on the right issues and right on what's left. Now that's an issue I left right in front of you to debate.”

DISCLAIMER: All clauses of this disclaimer apply to the disclaimer itself, except for this first sentence. All other disclaimers that may be found on this site, or sites linked to herein, are obviously subsets of this disclaimer and/or invalid, illegal, or fattening.

 

This disclaimer is provided for informational, misinformational, and metainformational purposes only and should not be construed as a solicitation or offer for anything whatsoever.

 

This disclaimer may contain forward-looking statements, and probably will contain backward-looking statements, too.

 

All metainformation, HTML tags, photographs, artwork, text, opinions, ideas, facts or factoids contained in this site are either my own, and therefore are Copyright ©1997-2004 Derek Gore / RV Roadie, all rights reserved, three rights is left, or duly licensed from and/or attributed to the writers, owners or copyright holders, or in good faith presumed to be in the public domain, or quotable under some sort of "fair use" clause.

 

Text, tags, metatags, scripts, trackbacks or links on this site may have been totally or partially generated by distributed software and/or information gathering and diffusion mechanisms of uncertain location, provenance, or intentions. All products, brands and company names mentioned will probably be trademarks or trade names of the respective companies, and you should mentally insert the appropriate ™, ©, ® or whatever, wherever appropriate.

 

Any links to external sites and any comments about the contents thereof should not be construed as endorsement, tolerance, approval or disapproval of such contents, even if such comments overtly purport to do so.  90% of all cited statistics may have been made up on the spot.

 

Before entering this site be sure to make at least two back-up copies of your mind and other important data on other media to protect against data loss. Brains sold separately. Sense of humor must be provided by third parties. Caveat Browser.

 

Use, duplication, disclosure, or ritual exorcism of this information by the Government (any Government) is subject to the restrictions of physical laws. There is no conscious attempt made, nor desire extant, to libel or otherwise cause malicious damage, loss, public contempt, defamation, slander, blasphemy, treason, sedition, or ridicule to persons of any gender, or even none, cabals, corporations, governments, institutions, or assemblies of inanimate objects, alien lifeforms, microorganisms, clergy, vegetables, animals, or any collections thereof.

 

No representation whatsoever is made as to the accuracy, political correctness, spelling, syntax, semantics, content or meaning of the graphics, text or downloadable files on this site, or of suitability for use or quoting elsewhere or for any other particular porpoise. As far as I'm concerned all information herein consists solely of sequences of zeroes and ones, being presented as either a satire or a parody of other sequences of zeroes and ones (or even of the ones and zeroes themselves) and neither I nor my service provider can be held responsible for any further interpretation, guesstimate, translation, transliteration, compression, decompression, exegesis, deconstruction, memetic emission or absorption, catalysis, curtation, transmogrification, alteration or forgery of such sequences made by either your hardware, software or wetware, or by any intervening data communications channel, even if previously advised of such a possibility.

 

Any actions you take based on whatever you saw, or think you saw on this site, are entirely your own responsibility, so there! This site is directed at reasonably mature people of any age and if you're not among them, life will be tough.

 

Since all of the Internet's web pages are interlinked you will sooner than later come to what you may consider an ugly, silly, stupid, obscene or otherwise offensive site. Don't say I didn't warn you!

 

No electrons, protons, neutrons, quarks or other sub-atomic particles, or agglomerations thereof, have been knowingly harmed in preparing this site. All quantum fields and/or state vectors related to this site may spontaneously collapse, decohere, and/or go all higgedly-piggedly as soon as you look at them, and I can't do anything about it.

 

You may have some rights not detailed in this disclaimer but don't bet on it.

 

Apply only to affected area. Do not use while sleeping, unconscious, or insufficiently caffeinated or oxygenated. For indoor or outdoor use only. Not suitable as a personal flotation device. An optional Internet connection is required. All models are over 0.568 gigaseconds of age or the local equivalent. Avoid contact with mucous membranes. Do not insert body parts into moving components. Keep out of children. Contents may settle during shipment or downloading. This disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, extraterrestrial impact, war, alien abduction, hurricane, lightning, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, flood, and other Acts of God, Gods and/or Godesses, misuse, neglect, leaking batteries, unauthorized repair, damage from improper installation, broken antenna or marred cabinet, incorrect line voltage, missing or altered serial numbers, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, genetic drift, random neuronal firing, and incidents owing to airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle accidents, leaky roof, broken glass, falling rocks, mud slides, forest fire, flying projectiles, or dropping the item. Many browsers look alike. Others don't. Use only in a well-ventilated area. May not work while immersed or submerged. Do not bend, fold, spindle, mutilate, clone, inflate, deflate, imbibe, or chew. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle, heavy equipment, airplane, hang glider, cellphone, or any powered device inserted into bodily orifices. If a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Articles are ribbed for your pleasure. Possible penalties for early withdrawal. Objects in browser may be closer than they appear, but don't count on it. One size fits all of that size. Quantities are limited while supplies last. Not intended for highway use. To be used as a supplementary restraint system only. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Keep cool, process promptly.  Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Employees and their families and friends are not eligible. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. Not responsible for advice not taken. Disclaimer subject to change or stagnation without notice. May cause cirrhosis of the liver, inflammation of the brain, heart damage, pancreatic damage, kidney damage, spleen implosion or explosion, thyroid combustion, severe nasal hair growth, blindness, eruptia, pregnancy, infertility, fecal incontinence, impotence, loss of genitalia and/or hermaphroditism, hair loss, skin blemishes, bone deformity, throat cancer, ulcers, hangnails, bladder leakage, sores, scabs, elephantiasis, hepatitis, conjunctivitis, gingivitis, appendicitis, bronchitis, and/or athlete's foot. Your mileage may vary.

 

This supersedes all previous disclaimers. Reading a disclaimer like this all the way to the end may have caused irreversible but not necessarily malign changes to your neural whatchamacallits. 

 

To have the secret second part of this disclaimer transmitted to you over a telepathic tight-beam channel (at 300 bauds nominal, odd parity), bury a signed non-disclosure agreement and exactly $1000 in consecutively numbered three-dollar bills in your backyard.  Stand by for further instructions.

All content ©Derek Gore/RV Roadie 1997-2005 All Rights Reserved.  Three rights is left.