The MLT Song

I got laid off from the oilfield, so I joined the Air Reserve,

‘Cause I thought it was my duty, my country to preserve.

So I signed up for the training, I was prepared to do my bit,

‘Cause if my side got in a fight I was gonna be part of it.

I was hopin’ to get a good job, Gung Ho and elite,

And become a silent killer, Boy was I naïve!

Well they said I scored high on their test, so it kind of tickled me,

When they said that I’d be training, to be an MLT!

Well, I didn’t know just what that was but it sounded kind of tough,

And I didn’t know that the job I had involved all of this stuff.

But here I am and now I know, because the job it be,

I’m the guy that does the tests on all that Air Force PEE!

Well I gotta test the darndest stuff that I have ever seen,

Some of that stuff is brown or red but most of it is green.

So two days out every month this is where I’ll be-

Drawing blood and stools and phlegm and playing in the pee!

Well after all that training, I gave up smoke and booze,

‘Cause now I know how bad they are but that wasn’t all I’d lose.

‘Cause now I can’t stop sweating, all of those little germs,

They’re livin and growin all over me and boy they make me squirm!

Even my wife has left me lord she took the car and kids,

‘Cause she didn’t like me garglin’ after every time we’d kiss.

And I can’t even eat the food I buy at the local Kroger Store,

Knowing there’s critters in every bite that they call “normal” flora?

Well, I used to be so happy, I used to have some fun,

But now I’m on the night shift, and I don’t see anyone.

Now friends I’m sayin that it just ain’t true, that ignorance is bliss,

Cause that’s how this ol country boy started playing in P…!