Poopie Perpetrators

Poopie Perpetration

(Parental warning: The following diatribe contains graphic language and specific organic scientific terms like "poopie," and "black water," which are not suggested for those that are faint of heart, have no "black water", and whose "black water" does not stink, due to chemical or ego intervention. For the sake of the children and the faint hearted who have already fainted from the title, I will use the scientifically accepted term poopie, only three times, which makes it sound so much more friendly! And the diminutive "it.")

RVrs are particularly "poopie" conscious. In the normal world only old folks, parents of diapered children, and doctors are interested in the subject. It is not talked about in polite company. You sure don't keep it, scent it, control it, monitor how much of it is on hand, or pick it up with anything other than a shovel (ewww! Accck!) What's up with that? Or want to gauge if it is truly there, or merely "Klingons on the starboard side, Jim!" (The starboard side being where the probes are that tell you if your tank is full of it, or just half full.) We are being invaded by "it" and TP remnants that "must be controlled, must be controlled, as the Borg mind directs, if assimilated." Oh sure, RVrs sometimes disguise the subject and call it "black water," "Solids," "Odor control," "Dumping," or "Flushing." But they are still obsessed with, well, "it!"

I think it might be because we have always been able to hide the fact that "it" happens! And it flushes so we don't have to deal with "it," until we become RVrs, and we actually store it, and have to deal with it! Acck! Of course we all want to get rid of it, but when we sensibly (we think,) as newbies, leave the black tank valve open so we aren't storing it, it backs up and makes a permanent reminder that will someday be discovered by anthropologists trying to discern what those plastic square tank-like objects were, with obviously ceremonial "it" piled in a dried pyramid directly in the center, with clean probes on either side. I can hear them now . . ."They were actually used as tribal leader election devices so that they could select the "big poop/or chief" for the tribe from organic evidence." "Ya! das ist it!"

Ever hear a non-RVr talk about some chemical treatment that makes "it" odorless and actually spends money to have clean septic probes??? Of course not, who cares where it goes, just flush.

"It" permeates every aspect of Rving. Now that "it" as a subject has been breached, RVrs take it to the next level and start to obsess about pet poopie! Now we all have had "it" enter our lives when we stepped in "it" at one time or another. But since man's best friend is taken camping many times too, it becomes a problem of seemingly epic proportions. So RVrs have decided that, like city areas, it should be scooped when pooped. But since RVrs have no place to store a pooper scooper, they use old plastic baggies to scoop it up! Oh Yuck! I have seen the old newspaper routine even. Ever try to follow a dog, leashed or not, and get paper down before he gets down? America's funniest home videos??? (Nahhh, the closest we ever get to dealing with "it" on television are those preparation H commercials. That was until Ol Bob Dole made his TV commercial debut.)

We do travel with Bogart, The Wonder Dog. So I see a lot of "stealth" techniques used by the "poopie perpetrators" to avoid leaving an area as they found it. Trust me, if they don't have a flashlight, they aren't picking up, except during intense periods of solar radiation. I carry mine for two reasons, to avoid stepping in "it," and to see to pick "it" up. I also like to shine it on other owners as if I am just saying hi, and being friendly, just as their pet finishes up. Even when caught in the act, looking like a deer in the headlights, bending over to make it "look" like they are picking up, but with bare hands??? Some pretend they didn't see it. (This seems to be the preferred technique, just ahead of denying that the pile under their dog is "theirs," never seen one follow through with bare hands!) I have even heard one say that they pay enough for their space to justify the park cleaning up after them. Sheesh! Hey folks, if you hate the furkids because you stepped in it once, just think of us picker uppers that have to negotiate the landmines!!!! The perpetrators always go to the pet walk area for cover!

Thank goodness for my Bogie! Bogie knows I can't smell em coming like he can, so he points to them on the way out, but expects me to remember their locations on the way back. That's where I will usually step in "it." (I didn't think dogs could chuckle?) What's up with that??? You'd almost think he enjoys watching me try to remember where all the landmines are, and missing!

"It" and RVing are a fact of life. We deal with it. And some wonder why folks with perfectly good bathrooms in their rigs use the campground "Facilities?" They don't have to talk about "it," store, flush, gauge, rinse, worry about pyramids, or clean sewer hoses.

But it is OK for the birds and the bears to do "it," and just leave it anywhere they feel like. What's up with that? Wait a minute! I have never really seen any bear scat where I could step in it! And birds only do windshields, freshly washed RVs, and cars, unless you really ticked off the spiritual side of life. "It" just happens! RVrs just have to deal with "it."