NL 31 

Oct 2000

The Deal

Folks,

Well it sure has been interesting the last few weeks! We got our settlement price from USAA, and boy, are we glad we are insured with them. It was a fair settlement, and they worked with us every step of the way. They covered all of our recent expenses and upgrades to our poor bent rig. We were fearful that the settlement would not be enough for more than a U-haul for our goods, a trip home, and deposits on an apartment! Then starting over. Then, just . . . ummm, OK, I have to use the four letter word here . . . (ladies cover yer eyes) work!!! Acccck!

I searched the net for rigs that might work and found we were always just about 5k shy of getting what we wanted! Accck! And ya oughtta see the prices here in California! Then we ran into Irene and Dick! They decided to liquidate their 1998 36-foot, double slide, name brand, fully optioned out, fifth wheel.

It had sat on a consignment lot for the summer, with too high a price on it. After a few calls and some faxes back and forth, we were again very shy of making it happen, for what we had in cash. Those of you who know me, know I am . . . well, let's say frugal (Lynn has another word for it, but that's another story.) I don't make payments. Period!

I was calculating the sales tax, title and license, and shipping costs to me, into the amount I have to work with. Well, I told them that I just couldn't afford it but thanks, and asked em if they couldn't give me an absolute bottom dollar.

First, Irene wanted me clear on the condition of it before she quoted the bottom dollar, because it was gonna be so low she was afraid I would think there was something wrong with it. (I have heard that before!) Well it turns out they are getting ready to full-time in their motorhome, and are liquidating their business and this rig, that they bought for a lake house! It had been towed to the lot only ten miles by the dealer, then towed ten miles back to his sales lot! It has a grand total of 20 miles on it! They never even got a tow vehicle. Then I find out that they only had time to spend a grand total of 20 days in it since new! It is more new than a lot of rigs that have been walked through at RV Shows!!! Whoa! Then she told me the dreaded "bottom dollar." I almost fainted. Doing some quick calculations (that she kindly waited on as it takes a few minutes to get yer Keds off to do math in a phone booth), I realized that it was priced right at what I could afford, for everything!

I told them that we could afford that, and I would call back the next day!

Meantime I asked for some deal data reports on it, and a couple of others we were calling about, from the RV Consumers Group. These are terrific! Back when I first joined, I don't think they even had these. On only one page they tell you the best price, all the weights and data, the recommended tow vehicle, the ratings on Value, Reliability, highway safety, for that specific rig, and rate it on a scale from one to ten for the brand! This report told me that when new, the average price paid for this brand/model is 78% of the MSRP supplied by the manufacturer (talk about knowing the target price when dealing with a major investment!!) They even give an estimated depreciation schedule! For 5, 10 and 15 years! And this rig was rated a seven of ten, way above average! They emailed them to me. I can again say, as I have many times before, that if you buy even a used rig without joining the RVCG, you will make mistakes costing up to hundreds of times what the membership cost. Thanks guys! (they are at www.rv.org ) (No, I don't get paid by RVCG for saying that, and that's not an ad for em, I am just simply grateful, cuz when I started out you could put all I knew about RV's into yer ear, with room left over for yer finger!)

So armed with all the info, and a good price, it's now time to arrange to look at it. Well I guesstimated the transport prices dead on, but airfare was another story. Whatever happened to all those $99.00 one way tickets I used to see all the time??? Eighteen Hundred Bucks??? My significant harassment immediately set ta figurin, and I started takin off the Keds so's I could check her figures from that Quicken program. Deal busted!

She got that gleam in her eye, the one just before a "suggestion" was about to be made, that I, of course could decline, assuming I was willing to sleep in the recliner for, oh say, THE REST OF MY LIFE, . . . AND BE BURIED IN IT! Uh oh!

I could see that "Monies spent YTD" on "Old Milwaukee's Best" report coming out again. Wimmins! Sheesh! She told me that now was the time to liquidate my investment portfolio!

I have often hobnobbed with the guys in the morning talking about my "long-term investments" in Asian funds, which were bound to go through the roof over the long term. I had sold two deer rifles and my old 286 notebook computer back in 1996 to enter the world of high finance and would (through my high risk investment profile) make scads of money and retire with enough to get one of those little keg refrigerators with it's own Tap on the top!

I never disclose the financial profits of my long-term investments to anyone, but my significant harassment (cause she just gives me that "One eyebrow raised look", but the mornin' coffee guys might not understand my long term strategy!)

She reminded me how my portfolio crashed just before I retired (which was when I had planned to reap all the profits), and that I should just get out now while there was at least the original amount in there, minus any fees. (She always manages to comment on her latest 300% profits from her portfolio which, she incidentally throws in, she got at the same time as I got mine, and which has grown to twenty times her original investment. After which she gives me the sympathetic look and asks "By the way, how are yours doing?? - which is my cue to walk the dog.)

Sheesh, that jinxed it! Once more, the Asian markets just happened to drop just as I was about to cash out for this trailer deal! Accck! They must be tapping my phone or sumpthin cause they always creep back up to my original amount, then whenever I even think about getting out of them, they do an imitation of a K Mart outdoor thermometer in a Blue Norther! She reluctantly agreed that it might be wise to wait until the "portfolio" of mine was again worth more than the paper it was printed on.

At least I am not alone in this year of 2000. In our RV Park we found three guys who jumped out of their window, and were found muttering something about IBM and Intel! (They must have been distraught-their motorhome windows are only six feet off the ground!) So some of the morning coffee group are limping now, and they aren't chuckling about my Asian funds!!

It was time for one of my famous "Plan Bs." I checked with the nearest

Military Airfield which would be the base we were camped on. I found that I could get a hop to within 200 miles of my destination! Yes!

If you have never "hopped" on military aircraft, let me explain it here. To take a hop you register ahead of time, take an oath that you will not wear high heels or open toed shoes (Yah! Right!) You must have your one carry-on bag measured by the "military carry-on sizing device," then you are "Briefed": There are no guaranteed seats, and to find out if you can get aboard you must show up at Oh Dark thirty, and wait for your "priority classification" to be called. Of course having served and retired, my priority classification is so low on the list that they call for 800 categories first including "decorated Chimpanzees who flew mercury rocket test flights," before they call for me!

I asked if they usually got all the retirees on and she immediately said that they are not allowed to make any estimates of my chances to get on board the flight, tell me in any way what the past odds have been, or my chances to win the powerball lottery, and wasn't I that guy with the scooter that was in the feature article of the October edition of the W.P.A. Journal ?   Accck!  How'd they find out??  I hurried away as she started elbowing the other ladies saying "It's him!" and giggling!!!

Oh well, it's free. So this coming Sunday I am going to the airfield and see what happens.

Once you are actually boarded, yer not home free, as there are twenty three stops before you get where you are going 20 hours later, and you can be bumped at any time. Let me explain "bumped." If anyone with a higher "priority" than you (like a K-9 military working dog) wants to get on at any of those stops you must "deplane," which means you are gonna have to wait for another plane to come by at O Dark thirty, only to see the Chimps in the waiting room. Or if the aircraft needs a tune up or something they can abort the mission and leave you there, even if it is in the middle of nowhere, that gets only one inbound flight a year, and you were on it!

So at 0500 hours (that's a military acronym for "O God it's 5 O'clock in the dang morning!") you begin to be "processed" for the "mission's" "flight manifest." But hey! It's the right price!

So I explained to Dick and Irene that I would begin "trying" to get there on Sunday and would call them the night before I arrived. They didn't understand about why it was that long for a 3 hour flight commercial, so I explained that I was taking a military hop, which is a free benefit for retirees designed to remind us of our long forgotten skills to hurry up and wait, and that I should be able to get there sometime before 2001, and do they serve eggnog for Christmas?

They were wonderful and understanding, well at least Dick was, I could hear Irene shaking her head and giving her hubby and me one of those looks, RIGHT THROUGH THE PHONE! The W.P.A. (Wimmins Pertektive Association) have never appreciated a good "guy Plan B!" Sheesh! They promised not to sell it out from under me, even if offered a gazillion dollars, until I got there, made a pre-inspection and bought it. They even said they'd fix anything I found wrong! Another case of G.A.s? So I committed to buying it with the only caveat that I found nothing was wrong with it that was catastrophic, and it had a fold out bed instead of recliners! (LOL! I haven't told my significant harassment yet that I could have a queen size bed whenever I was in W.P.A kempshi!!!)

Of course, the next day, everyone who I had called with a comparable rig in the local area, suddenly decided to call me back and get negotiable! Accck! I even got an offer at my price for a name brand rig that's a 1999, AND in the local area, and from a private individual! Since Dick and Irene have worked as hard as me to make this happen, and made it fit my budget, I told the folks that finally called back, that they should have called last week, before I committed to the one I was about to buy! Sheesh! I wouldn't have had to get up at O Dark Thirty, and do a world tour of every airstrip still active for the military! I don't renege on a deal once made, and think that we have found our rig. More to the point, this deal is a win-win. (But I am keeping the phone numbers just in case I need a Plan C . . . OK . . . my S.H. insisted that I keep em' - Oh ye of little faith!)

I have to visit a dealer at least once every three years to re-experience the wonderful world of dealerships. I had even gone to one dealership here, last week, that is well known, and very large, just to be sure that there wasn't a surprise (like a rig that wasn't priced out of my range) that might relieve me of all the shipping, and traveling.  (And restrictions on relaxing open-toed shoes.)

Before I told them I was there to actually buy a rig, I looked around for a few minutes.  I noticed that some people were buying there, which could be a good sign.  While I was checking the place out, I overheard one couple who were all smiles, talking about their new rig which they were waiting to pick up.  Then the wife lost her smile, pointed to a used rig in the lot, and asked her husband if that wasn't their trade in?  The guy said that no, they got a great trade-in price of $10k, and theirs hadn't been there long enough to be marked down already!  (the four foot banner read "marked down" to $29k!!!!) The guy, sensing a W.P.A. moment, wisely steered her away from it, assuring her that it couldn't be their rig, and it was obviously a unit with more options! (and gave me the "guy look" to just ignore what was obviously an error on his wife's part, which she didn't seem to be buying either!) Recliner here he comes! <sigh> 

I was greeted by the 'Sales Representative" after only a ten minute wait for the receptionist to call him down. (It was a one story building!) He was a 26-year-old kiddo with designer clothes and a fairly new Mercedes 300 something. I explained my budget, that it was cash, and told him my top dollar. I asked if he had any rigs that would meet my needs to which he replied "He thought he could help me out, and what was I trading in today?" So I explained again that it was a cash deal, and told him my budget again. He grinned and said let's go! Wow!

He took me to the first rig and boy was I surprised! This was nice! I looked through it and asked him how they could sell me this at my price?? "Oh," he said we are not too far off." "How much off", I asked? Without blinking he named a price $30k over budget!!!!! I asked him "could he please show me rigs only in my price range?" I began to realize what was going on when he asked me where I got my watch? He said he had one just like it that he had dropped overboard while yachting off the coast. This kid either had rich folks, or there was one hell of a mark-up on the rigs there.

After looking at 50 rigs, and repeating that it was cash and no trade in 50 times, he finally showed me one that he said would involve his "fighting" with the manager for me, but he could probably get it where I could afford it! Then he commented on my watch again, and I realized I had made a big mistake wearing my genuine Mexican Rolex, that I got in Mexico for only 14 bucks US (he-he, it was marked $300.00! Of course Lynn had no appreciation for my negotiating skills and just shook her head when I showed it to her . . wimmins!)

Then he started asking if he could write it up? I told him that I had to get my better half (the public title of my S.H.) to see it first, as she liked to feel involved in decisions involving sleeping arrangements and RECLINERS. He said fine, just bring her in and he'd write it up! I reminded him, as he gave me his card, (on which he had to scratch off the name and number, and write in his own) that he had not given me a quote yet. To which he replied "Oh that", and disappeared to his "manager's office," (I peeked around the corner and his manager's office door had a sign on it that said "hombres"?) When he came out (drying his hands) he told me a price only 7 thousand over the budget I had given him!!!! I gave him back his card and very calmly asked him (successfully fighting the urge to dance on his head!) what part of my "top dollar" didn't he understand?? (Do people actually fall for that crap?) He confidently told me that my "trade-in" would cover the balance. 

Accccck! I asked him outright if he had an acceptable rig in my price range to which he replied that he was sure I "could afford" the one he just quoted and gave me a big smile. I immediately began to reply "of course I could afford it!" . . . . Oh nooooooo-wrong answer!  He had me - if I couldn't think of something quick!   He had obviously studied Guy psychology which includes the fact that no guy is allowed by the "Guy RV Rules" to:

1. Ever admit they can't afford anything.

2. Never admit you made a bad deal, no matter how many times your rig is recalled. 

3.  Never, ever, tell your actual RV mileage without first multiplying by two and adding six. 

4.  Never read the directions, ask for directions, or admit you don't know which direction is North, from wherever you happen to be standing, under any circumstances! 

Well, I could use the "Guy Rules" against him too, and regain my strategic negotiating position.  So I casually asked him "which way is North from here?"

LOL!  He lost the silly grin for a second, and being a relatively inexperienced "young guy", realized I had him!  He recovered and pointed to what I was sure was due south, (us experienced guys always know where North is, but never point just in case) and he forgot I had ever said I could afford it, and he lost the negotiation advantage.  Whew!

Feeling confident now, I repeated my price, just in case he was a bit slow, and he blurted out "Oh No! We couldn't let it go for that!" I pressed my advantage before he could recover, and asked him if he had any rigs actually in my price range?  He broke down and said "No! That was the cheapest one he could show me!"  I had him!  I was free to leave!  His manager came out of the Men's room, and as I left, I could hear him consoling his salesman with the promise that they'd "get the next one, he would see." 

All the salesmen came out to watch me in awe, as I proudly sauntered away, into the sunset.  And I did get a free coke!

So, wish me luck! If any of you happen to be near any military airfield,

anywhere in the country (they tend to take you zigzagging from coast to coast on a hop), anytime in the next month, and see a guy with a sign just outside of the gates that says "RV or bust", with his thumb out, bent over, (like he's sitting in a recliner), a fierce look of determination in his sleep deprived eyes, with a carry-on bag that has already been approved by the military sizing device, and who is definitely not wearing high heels or open toed shoes, at least give him a ride to the bus station!

RV/dg, Lynn, and Bogart the Wonder Dog