The Ten Rules of Proper Speech

Hashem desires that people live together in peace and unity, and the laws of proper speech are the Torah's way to achieve this. Actually, it is a simple principle. If one removes gossip, slander, divisiveness and anger from one's vocabulary, one automatically and dramaticaly improves one's own life and the lives of everyone in one's environment.

Here are the ten basic rules to remember:

1. It is loshon hora to convey a derogatory image of someone even if that image is accurate. Loshon hora is speech that can cause pain or harm to others.
2. A statement which is not actually derogatoy but can ultimately cause someone physical, financial or emotional harm is also loshon hora. Hurtful words spoken directly to a person are another form of loshon hora.
3. It is loshon hora to humorously recount an incident that contains embarrassing information about a person even if there is no intent to cause harm or humiliation.
4. Loshon hora is forbidden even if you incriminate yourself as well.
5. Loshon hora can't be communicated in anyway (ie., writing, body language, verbal hints, etc.)
6. To speak against a community as a whole is a particularly severe offense. Harmful remarks about children are also loshon hora.
7. Loshon hora cannot be related even to close relatives.
8. Even if the listener has previously heard the derogatory account or the information has become public knowledge it should not be repeated.
9. Rechilus, which is telling one person a derogatory statement that another person said about them, is also forbidden because it causes animosity between people.
10. It is forbidden to listen to loshon hora. One should given the benefit of the doubt. Assume the information is inaccurate or that the person made an honest mistake.

It is important to note, at the same time, that there are times when loshon hora is permitted or, in fact, even required. Warning a person such as a potential business or marriage partner about potential harm is an example. On the other hand, second-hand information and baseless impressions have momentous implications. The questions of when you are allowed or even required to speak loshon hora are complicated. A Rabbinic authority with expertise in the Torah's laws of proper speech should be consulted in any of these cases.

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"The general rule is: A person must carefully ponder all his ways, especially the way in which he speaks. He should not meddle in matters between a man and his fellow unless he is certain that his facts are accurate and that his intention is constructive and not because of hatred. He should give thought to the results of his statements, that nothing contrary to halachah should come about because of them. With such care and forethought, Hashem will assist him that he should not be caught in the snare of the yetzer hara (evil inclination)."

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