Being the "intellectual" type, my spiritual growth has been overly complex, as I must "understand" everything intellectually before I will allow it into my "reality". Yet I forgive myself, and accept this as my way. I also see the benefits as my awareness increases, for the thoroughness of my understanding allows me to express it more fully, to translate my knowings into the words others can understand.

When looking at the complexity of the lessons of my life, I realize just how complicated we human beings are. Our lives are divided over many realms, many interests, many needs, many relationships, and many experiences. We need to experience all of the many parts of our "selves" to understand ourselves, and then we can choose to grow.

When I reached a level of understanding the four selves we know while in a body (see Selves), I began to understand that each of them has its male and female characteristics. Thus, I experienced lessons that clearly delineated these various aspects, that showed me their interelationships, their strengths and weaknesses. I realized how incredibly complex we are, for the four selves, with two characteristics of each, gives us 40,320 possible permutations. To become whole means to balance these characteristics, to achieve peace.

And I remembered what my father had taught me as a young boy, taking me to the basement workbench, where he helped me disassemble the rear wheel of a bicycle. Each of the many parts were taken out in order and placed on the workbench. Then we could look at each part and understand how it related to each other part. We had to figure out where that relationship didn't work quite right, fix that part, and then put it back together again. Only then could I ride the bicycle.

And I understood, that is what I have been doing in my spiritual path, taking apart the various aspects of Self, looking at each piece to understand how it worked, fixing the parts that didn't work smoothly, and reassembling the pieces.

And I understand the job is not finished, will never be done, for I will continue to find new parts, new relationships to fit in with the old, in my search to fully understand all that IS.