"The Congress shall have power to prohibit the physical desecration of the flag of the United States."

Desecration: "Violation of the sacredness of something."

It's like a really bad dream, one that recurs every two years or so. As if the United States Congress doesn't already have a full plate: redistributing the nation's wealth upward, eviscerating social programs, pandering to corporations that export jobs but skip out on taxes, and generally ignoring the health and welfare of America while sending our soldiers to die in a violent quagmire based entirely on lies... well, never you mind. This is Congress. There's always time for some good old-fashioned jingoism.

The so-called "flag burning amendment" is back. In apparent violation of the Biblical First Commandment, The U.S. House of Representatives has decreed that the Stars & Stripes should be officially consecrated as a graven image, thus transmuting its status from symbol of democratic ideals to actual object of adoration, thereby creating an enormous loophole in the First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States.

Given that the U.S Senate has a sufficient number of members in lockstep with the Bush Junta's fascist tendencies - including Georgia's own Johnny Isakson (R-Lame) and Saxby Chambliss (R-Despicable) - this unnecessary and execrable exercise in cheap patriotism might very well get through even that august body. Then it would have to be ratified by two-thirds of the states. Which could happen.

But what then? Political protesters in America, the ostensible targets of this putative legislation, are responsible for something like, oh, two acts of "desecration" annually. But, as I have noted before in this very blog (2/19/04), actual flag abuse is... truly a plague on this great nation. I propose, therefore, that if this resolution becomes enshrined in the Constitution, all real American patriots embrace their obligation to direct their wrath where it justifiably belongs.

For example, toward all those unpatriotic citizens who put little flags on their SUVs and allow them to fade and fray in the elements. Ditto, all those traitorous businesses willfully flying flags that are clearly in physical distress. And speaking of business, could it not be considered sacrilegious in the extreme to use the sacred American flag to sell things? And what then becomes of "Presidents Day Sales," "Memorial Day Sales," "Veterans Day Sales" and (horrors) "Independence Day Sales?" The potential for treasonous mischief would be ubiquitous. I, for one, intend to do my part and vow to start ratting out these unpatriotic bastards to the proper authorities at every opportunity.

Speaking of patriotism...

On this Independence Day, we citizens of this great land would do well to take a break from BBQ, bad American beer and bombastic Country music to consider a matter of real seriousness. As you are aware, through a feckless strategy of outright lies and just plain crappy management techniques, God's Sword George W. Bush and his administration have succeeded in stretching our armed forces very, very thin indeed. If the Holy American Empire is to continue its NeoCon crusade - which is scheduled to include a very nasty war with Iran - we're going to need more brave men and women in uniform. Fortunately, I have the solution.

"Onward Christian Soldiers:" it is time for the Religious Right to step up to the plate. I propose that from now until further notice, fundamentalist churches throw open wide their doors to military recruiters. Better yet, let all American Talibangelical leaders issue a fatwa exhorting their young men and women to go forthwith and trade their hymnals for an M-16. (Young women could obtain a deferment if they agreed to be impregnated with one of the 400,000 or so unwanted frozen embryos their "pro-life" leaders profess to be so concerned about.)

I further opine that this course of action be undertaken as well by the Young Americans for Freedom and other college Republican organizations, whose members robustly engage in pro-war saber rattling while safely ensconced in academia, honing their credentials as the next generation of chickenhawks. Seems only fair to me: You support Bush's war? You can damn well go fight Bush's war.

Finally, if neither of these frankly brilliant alternatives should come to pass, I suggest reinstituting - say it with me, now - the draft. With, of course, a couple of slight adjustments: (1) Start by drafting the children of all households with annual gross incomes of, say $158,100 or more. That would include all members of the House and Senate (base salary, as it happens: $158,100) as well as Bush and his war profiteer pals who are making out like bandits at taxpayer expense. (2) No deferments for women, except for the aforementioned "frozen embryo" dispensation. This includes the Bush twins. Especially.

What, too extreme? I don't think so. People of lesser ways and means always serve disproportionately in the wars that benefit the rich and powerful. I simply think it's time for America's ruling class to suck it up and start sharing the sacrifice. It would be honorable, it would be just and it would put an end to this glorious crusade faster than you can say "4th of July Blowout Sale."

[A special Independence Day shout-out to Representative John Conyers (D-MI) for having the courage and integrity to hold actual hearings concerning the so-called "Downing Street Memo" (www.downingstreetmemo.com). You, sir, are a real patriot. Thanks from one veteran to another.]