February 24, 2004

Well, the waiting is over. Consumer activist and world-class iconoclast Ralph Nader has announced that he is running for President as an independent. This news flash brought forth the predictable howls of anguish from the Democratic Party establishment, which immediately accused Nader of being a "spoiler" whose candidacy will result in four more years of Bush administration hubris and mendacity.

I disagree. I like Nader's positions on many issues and he has a valid point about both major parties being beholden to megarich corporate interests at the expense of average Americans. Like me, for instance. He also has every right to run for President if he wants to.

And while yes, it's indisputable that Gore would have won New Hampshire and Florida outright if Nader hadn't been on the ballot in 2000, it's also true that Gore would have prevailed if he had carried Tennessee or if Bill Clinton had kept his goods in his watch pocket. But let us not lose sight of the simple and appalling fact that the Presidency was unconstitutionally awarded to Bush by the U.S. Supreme Court in an act of truly breathtaking "judicial activism."

[An aside: Why is it that reactionaries bitch about "activist judges" only when a judge decides to extend MORE rights and liberties to people? Just curious.]

Onward. So what's a liberal/leftist/progressive Democrat to do? It's a serious matter of ideals, you know. Should one stick to principle and stay with Kucinich or Sharpton, who have no chance, and then work for Nader, who also has no chance, but at least stands for something one can believe in? It's a decision fraught with conflicts of conscience and existential unfairness and I am not unsympathetic.

But here's a little commiserative advice: get over it. Let's be very clear about this.

Another Bush term is not acceptable and it does not matter whether John Kerry or John Edwards or Jon Bon Jovi gets the nod, we put aside our differences and work for the nominee. Period. This is a very serious election. The Bushoids know it and have already amply demonstrated their willingness to say and do anything, no matter how execrable, in order to win. If we lose this election because we let our tender political sensibilities keep us from getting our shit together, we will have aided and abetted in the continuing devolution of the American dream.

It's really that important. And if we blow it, it won't be the fault of Ralph Nader.

February 19, 2004

Georgia Senator Zell (Democrat, my ass) Miller delivered a rather incredible rant on the floor of the U.S. Senate on Thursday, Feb. 12. (Text available at www. miller.senate.gov/press/2004/02-12-04decency). There is so much good stuff here, real red-meat-Old Testament-ravings, that one hardly knows where to begin. But let's give it a go anyway.

Simply put, America is suffering from a "famine of hearing the words of the Lord." This has resulted in "The Culture of Far Left America" which is pretty much responsible for all of our social ills. Apparently we Lefties, including those well-known radicals in "the pagan temple of Viacom-Babylon," have foisted bad Rap music, bad Super Bowl halftime shows, and bad American flag fashions on an unsuspecting populace. Miller is particularly incensed at Kid Rock.

Granted, Kid Rock is lame and his Super Bowl performance was thoroughly insulting, but he is hardly alone in appropriating Old Glory for his act. (I daresay if Mr. Rock was a bonehead Country music star with a flag on his guitar, that would be OK with Miller and his ever-so-patriotic constituency.) But Zell is actually on to something here, because it is surely true that flag abuse is rampant across this great land.

This is something I have a background in. One of my jobs in the Navy was caring for ships' flags, so I know flag abuse when I see it. And I see it every single day. I see it on the antennas of SUV's, I see it at car dealerships, I see it at family restaurants and I've even seen it at a U.S. Post Office. In the wake of 9/11, hundreds of thousands of ostensibly patriotic Americans proudly ran up the Stars & Stripes... and proudly left them at the mercy of the elements.

The result is hundreds of thousands of ripped, faded, dirty and generally sad-looking flags on display, even in Senator Miller's beloved north Georgia. Is Zell upset about this apparently unpatriotic state of affairs? I honestly don't know. But no matter, for Miller has more important things on his mind. Like a Christian agenda for America.

Such as making life officially miserable for gay couples (co-sponsor, S.J. Res. 26, Constitutional Amendment relating to marriage), making all of us toe the line of Conservative Political Correctness (co-sponsor of S. 1558, the Liberties Restoration Act) and generally re-making the United States of America into a theocracy (co-sponsor, Constitution Restoration Act of 2004). These are Biblical issues indeed, and I do not question the depth of the good Senator's Christian zeal. But, in my opinion, he treads on some pretty thin ice.

You see, Zell Miller has chosen to abandon his party and become Bush's pet Democrat. So when Bush is caught lying about the reasons for going to war in Iraq, presumably after having a chat with his personal savior, does Zell remind the Commander-in-Chief of his obligation to tell Americans the truth about why people have to die? He does not. Want to know why?

Because Senator Miller is a hypocrite. And a somewhat desperate one at that. As he says in his Feb. 12 screed, " the sand empties through my hourglass at warp speed – and with my time running out in this Senate and on this earth, I feel compelled to speak out." As is his right. But I sincerely hope his Senate term expires before he has the opportunity to do more long-term damage, in the name of the Lord, to the country we both love.

February 11, 2004

This one is just too good to pass up. George W. Bush, noted photo-op military hero, is finally catching some real heat concerning his questionable service in the Texas and Alabama National Guard during the Vietnam War. This has become a very nasty little brushfire that the White House would love to see put out, especially since the leading and likely candidate to replace their boss is John Kerry, an actual war hero.

I admire John Kerry. Like him, I served in the Navy during Vietnam, though I was assigned to the Atlantic, not Pacific fleet. When he got out, Kerry was one of the founders of Vietnam Veterans Against the War. The man took a courageous stand and helped in some small way to bring that bitter, ill-advised and generally sorry war to an end. The same cannot be said of our duly-appointed Commander-in-Chief.

While the record is subject to some interpretation, the indisputable fact is that Bush, who says he supported the war in Vietnam, used his family connections to leapfrog over approximately 500 guys and land a cushy billet in the Texas Air National Guard. What happened then is shrouded in debate and confusion, but it seems that our brave lad probably skipped out on about six months of pesky meetings and still managed to get an Honorable Discharge eight months early.

In other words, he ran a scam in order to save his rich butt. Nicely done, too. And it wouldn’t piss me off so much except for the fact that the Bush junta and its media toadies are, with few exceptions, people who have managed to avoid any meaningful military service to their country. (Just type “chickenhawks” into your web browser and stand back.) These same men and women now have the unmitigated gall to question the patriotism of anybody who disagrees with their plans for “war without end.”

To quote Lieutenant Worf: “They are without honor.”

That song & dance may have worked in 2002. And I suppose we Georgians had better gird our loins for the revolting possibility in 2004 of Zell Miller, ex-Marine and titular Democrat, campaigning for Bush against John Kerry, ex-Navy officer and real Democrat. But if Bush decides to go the patriotism route against Kerry, he’s going to need a lot more than a good-looking flight suit.

February 2, 2004

Just another ordinary news week. The terrorist threat still teeters at “Code Mauve,” the Democrats are still searching for their cojones, and Bush has promised to personally appoint and take responsibility for a “Bipartisan Commission” to investigate “intelligence failures” in the matter of those pesky, not to mention non-existent WMD’s. (Rumor has it that the model for this exercise in Presidential mendacity will be the Warren Commission. Great. Just what we need, another “magic bullet” theory.)

Oh yes, and Georgia's Secretary of Education is removing the word "evolution" from school biology textbooks, presumably to avoid distressing impressionable Christian youth and their mullahs with actual proven facts. Unbelievable.

Too much heat, too little light, and too damned many quotations. On to sports.

Super Bowl XXXIV was played in Houston and broadcast by CBS this past Sunday. The game itself was pretty doggone good. Carolina deserves a lot of credit for keeping their composure, 12 penalties notwithstanding, and Jake Delhomme lit the place up once he got into his game. Unfortunately for the Panthers, Tom Brady is the best there is at getting his team into position to attempt last-second-game-winning-field goals. So the New England Patriots won in fine fashion and this Super Bowl should be remembered as an exciting, if somewhat sloppy, sports contest. Unfortunately, it may not, thanks to the halftime show produced by MTV.

I imagine that all anyone will recall of this exercise in American effulgence is the sight of Janet Jackson’s (magnificent) breast unfurled by Jason (wardrobe malfunction, my ass) Timberlake. That’s too bad, sort of, because there were two other performances worth noting. The artist formerly known as Puff Daddy proved once again that wardrobe is more important than talent. I mean really, by now this guy should have about as much street cred as Vanilla Ice. (I apologize, that was cold.) And Kid Rock? I suppose the idea is to take a trailer-trashy White guy with bad hair, bad clothes, and bad tattoos, wrap him in Old Glory, and bingo! You tap into that all-important marketing demographic of stupid young White guys who drink bad beer, watch Adam Sandler movies, and generally do most of their thinking with their “little heads.” Pathetic.

Which brings us to the ads. Super Bowl ads use to be interesting as well as expensive. No more. For starters, we had ads for very, very fast cars, because one never knows when one might need to actually drive at 120 mph. We also had ads for American pisswater beer featuring a flatulent horse and a genitalia-chomping mongrel. (See demographic described above.) And it would be unfair not to acknowledge the plethora of ads for penile dysfunction medications targeted at older men determined to retain/regain their status as virile studmuffins. Overall, I think it's charitable to say that the vast majority of this year's Super Bowl ads really sucked.

(Actually, there was one very clever ad featuring people getting tax advise from a talking Willie Nelson doll. Of course that was targeted at people who pay taxes and recall that good ol’ Willie sometimes didn’t. A bit too highbrow, I suppose.)

So now CBS is in high dungeon about Janet’s (magnificent) breast and threatening to find someone other than MTV to produce the show next year, which is not necessarily a bad thing. But while they’re at it, maybe they should take a look at their own cheesy corporate policy that countenances farting horses but refuses advertising from organizations with a serious point of view, for example: http://www.moveon.org/cbs/ad/. I wouldn’t hold my breath. CBS is after all just another very rich and essentially spineless corporation dedicated to nothing so much as maintaining the status quo. But what the hell, you can still rattle their cage. Log on to cbs.com and look for “feedback” at the bottom of the page.

So there you have it. Another year, another Super Bowl and another opportunity for some modest creative programming suggestions:

1. The “Star Spangled Banner?” Two words: Jimi Hendrix.

2. We need real nudity at halftime - full frontal, male and female - especially Janet Jackson. Time to quit messin’ around. Better yet, how about some real obscenity, perhaps a patriotic video crawl with names and images of Americans, Iraqis, and anyone else killed or maimed in Bush’s war. (What, not commercial enough?)

3. Keep the very competent Greg Gumbel in the booth and get rid of Phil Simms. The man is annoying and seldom has an unexpressed thought, a deadly combination.

4. Note to Deion Sanders: find a real tailor.

5. 2005 - Atlanta vs. Indianapolis – Vick vs. Manning. Don’t laugh, it could happen.

Next stop: "March Madness."