"Bollo^H^H^Hther", said Pooh, on his VT220 emulator.
"Bother!" said Pooh, "I'M Brian of Nazareth!"
"Bother!" said Pooh, "It's your husband and he has a gun."
"Bother!" said Pooh, as he rolled over into the wet spot.
"Bother!" said Pooh, as Satan pointed out the small print.
"Bother!" said Pooh, reading a feminist linguistic polemic.
"Bother", said Pooh, and opened fire.
"Bother," said Pooh, as he lubricated his paw.
"Crucifixion?!" "Yeah, first offense."
"Cucumbers", he said feverishly. "Lots of 'em. BIG ones"
"Cute" and "interesting" are two different things.
"God told me" is no excuse for stupidity.
"Havoc," cried Pooh, as he let slip the dogs of war.
"Humble?", he sniffed. "I'll give you humble..."
"I know" is just "I believe" with delusions of grandeur.
"I think not", said the liberal, and surprised no one.
"I want to hear you scream in pain." "Play some rap."
"Is the Tao in a hand-held calculator?" "It is."
"Johnny, don't go! It's too dangerous!" "I don't care!"
"Let there be light... BLOODY HELL! Did I create this?"
"Press to TEST."...<Click>..."Release to Detonate."
"Reality" should always be used in quotes. ‘ Buckminster Fuller
"Rush Limbaugh says so" is NOT proof!
"Sorry I missed you," he said, reloading.
"Stop that, son, you'll go blind!" "I'm over HERE, Dad!"
"Ward, you were a little hard on the Beaver last night..."
"You wanna bitch?" "No thanks, dear, I already have one."
...and there was much rejoicing.
...but this time I'm serious!
...but what I really want to do is direct.
10 days and 18 messages later: "Oh, I understand now."
18-Wheeler Bumper sticker: Stop, or smile as you go under.
40 lashes??? If you use your tongue, you got a deal...
5000 of you and nobody brought food!? - Jesus
80-hour workweeks make Jack a blubbering psychopath.
90% of PC problems are between the keyboard and the chair.
<snappy comeback><emoticon>
<whisper> Is he buying it...? No? Don't look at him... shhhh.
A backward poet writes inverse.
A banana, some chocolate syrup, and thou....
A battle avoided cannot be lost. - Sun Tzu
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
A block away he wondered if he'd left behind a clue...
A chat with you, and somehow death loses it's sting...
A closed mind is a wonderful thing to make fun of.
A committee is twelve people doing the work of one.
A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to remove it.
A dry sense of humor is better than slobbering everywhere.
A faith unquestioned is a faith unlived.
A fool and his money... Hey! Where's your wallet?
A friend is someone before whom I may think aloud.
A friend is someone who listens with the heart.
A goat has a beard, but that does not make him a rabbi.
A good place to start is from where you are.
A good pun is its own reword.
A good traveler leaves no track. - Lao Tzu
A gun gives you the body, not the bird. - Thoreau
A hit! A most palpable hit! - Shakespeare
A journey of a thousand li starts under one's feet. - Lao Tzu
A lady is a woman who makes a gentleman act like one.
A little experience often upsets a lot of theory.
A little pot boils easily. - Dutch proverb
A lover teaches a wife all her husband kept hidden from her.
A man is only as young as the woman he feels!
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A man with loud talk makes truth itself seem folly.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
A moment's insight is sometimes worth a life's experience.
A moving door hinge never corrodes.
A narrow mind is usually accompanied by a wide mouth.
A new idea never originated in seminary - Charles Hodge
A person slow to anger is better than the mighty.
A person who says "I'm enlightened!" probably isn't.
A person without a navel lives within all of us.
A pious man is one who would be an atheist if the king were.
A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
A silent heart is musical.
A simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
A stumble may prevent a fall.
A sufficiently advanced god would use evolution.
A tree fell right in front of me, and I didn't hear it.
A true friend walks in when everyone else leaves.
A vasectomy is never having to say you're sorry.
A very gentle beast, and of a good conscience. - Shakespeare
A wholesome mind is wasted potential.
A wise man once said, "I don't know."
A witty saying proves nothing. - Voltaire
A woman may veil her face with a smile. - Gibran
Above all things, reverence yourself.
Abraham to God: "Would you do it to YOUR son?"
Accepting today's morals often means we've none of our own.
According to the Weather Channel, Hell just froze over.
Act non-action. 
Act with honour, but retain humility. - Tao Te Ching
Action should accumulate in wisdom. - Bhagavad Gita
Actually, I am a lab mouse on stilts.
Actually, there IS a banana in my pocket...
Adamant ignorance beats rational logic every time.
After the next war there may be no one left to honor the dead.
Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain.
Ah, the vastness of space and time... and I end up here.
Alex, I'll take "Things Only I Know" for $1000.
Alive, and simply delighted!
All battles are battles of the spirit. - Caine
All beliefs are real for the believer.
All evil comes from man's inability to sit still in a room - Pascal
All generalizations are false, including this one.
All I want in life is an unfair advantage.
All I want is a warm bed, a kind word, and UNLIMITED POWER.
All know the way; few actually walk it.
All of a sudden, however, I began to really like asparagus.
All rivers run into the sea, yet the sea is not full.
All sane males tremble when women get submissive.
All that is comes from mind. - Dhammapada 1,1, The Vedas
All that we are is the result of what we have thought. - Buddha
All the tea in china: 356,000 metric tons.
All the world's a stage. I am waiting for the love scene.
All the world's queer save thee and me; sometimes thou too.
All things are made of Tao, and Tao is made of nothing.
Alternative Music: An alternative to music.
Although the earth is larger, the moon is farther away.
Always forgive your enemies; they HATE that.
Always make stupid moves; it confuses your opponent.
Americans for Gnu Control remind you: "No gnus is good news!"
An Agent of the Cosmic Balance (retired)
An argument isn't just contradiction. - Monty Python
An attacker must vanquish; a defender need only survive.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste bad.
An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. - Gandhi
An old pond/The sound of water/When a frog jumps in. - Basho
An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
And God said, "NO NO, DON'T TOUCH THA..." <Big Bang>
And God smote Egypt with a plague of zucchini.
And Man said, "let there be God," and there was God.
And now, my head will implode. <SCHULMPFH>
And Satan said to God, "But where will YOU find a lawyer?"
And the Really Rottens are in the lead!
And they said unto Jesus, "How the hell did you do that?"
Anger is a wind which blows out the lamp of reason.
Anger not a Bard, for thou wouldst make a funny song.
Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
Another such victory over the Romans, and we are undone.
Anxiety is nature's way of getting you out of bed on time.
Any certainty is a delusion.
Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.
Anyone who will lie FOR you will lie TO you.
Anything worth doing is worth doing for sex.
Appriase the Lord! Tax church property and income.
Are you a smoker, or do you naturally stink like that?
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
Arrogance is the obstruction of wisdom.
Art thou up for some plowing? - Amish pickup line
As long as the sun rises and your heart beats, Tao is there.
As long as you don't scream, Darling, you'll be fine.
As long as you live, keep learning how to live. - Senaca
As useful as an ashtray on a motorbike.
As worn out as a cucumber in a convent.
As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself!"
Ashley-Perry Statistical Axiom: Numbers are tools, not rules.
Ask me about my vow of silence.
Ask not that it be easy, but worth it.
Asking dumb questions is easier than fixing dumb mistakes.
Assume infinite intelligence and infinite ignorance. - Fermi
At least Pee Wee wasn't TALKING during the movie...
ATHEISM: Deep religious faith in the non-existence of a god.
Attention: Unattended children will be sold as slaves.
Australian kiss: same as French, but down under!
Avoid damage: use your henchmen as ablative armor.
Avoid reality at all costs.
Avoidance. That is the first lesson in self-defense.
Away with him! Away with him! He speaks Latin. - Shakespeare
Awesomely proud to be YOUR bud!
Bad puns are watching us. I think the big one's giggling.
Bad things happen to bad people too, but we don't care.
Baptists don't make love standing up. It's too close to dancing.
Be careful when playing under the anvil tree.
Be careful, or I'll include you in my plans.
Be good and you will be lonesome. - Mark Twain
Be like Pooh... eat your hunny.
Be patient with everyone, but above all yourself.
Be still as a mountain, move like a great river. - Wu Yu
Because the Tao favours no finite thing, it is infinite.
Been there, done that, tripped the alarm, came here...
Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
Being bored is an insult to oneself.
Belief in a cruel God makes a cruel man. - Thomas Paine
Believe in Darwin; cancer cures smoking.
Believe those who seek the truth; doubt those who find it.
Believing in yourself is the beginning of wisdom.
Bend the facts to fit the conclusion. It's easier that way.
Berra's First Law: You can observe a lot by just watching.
Betty Crocker is a flour child.
Beware of half-truths: You may have gotten the wrong half.
Beware standards your own religion can't uphold.
Beware the fury of a patient man. - John Dryden
Bias is cool. It gives you that extra edge in an argument.
Birds have bills too, but they keep on singing.
Birth, life, death. Repeat as necessary.
Blame not on stupidity what is best explained by ignorance.
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
Blow the horn! Make everyone get out of our way! - Calvin
Bo Peep did it for the insurance.
Boo....Boo....BOOOOOOOOO! - A cow with a cold.
Books on claustrophobia? Try that little room over there.
Books? I'd rather lend you my dog. He knows his way home.
Boolean Bible. It's all true and/or at least partly false
Brace yourself; worse attacks on your reason are coming along.
Brian and Sara are off to lovely Orlando, Florida.
BRICK (noun): National Bird of Palestine
Buddhism: Music by God; Lyrics by Siddharta Gautama.
Bulges appeared in the fabric of time. Great ugly bulges.
Burro: an ass. Burrow: a hole in the ground. Got it now?
Busier than a Mormon at a wife swapping party.
But if you convert us ALL, who ya gonna hate THEN?
But we know he meant you.
But you thaid is was a pith helmet!
But, Your Honor, the light had dopplered to green.
By Golly... for a moment there, it all made sense...
Call me insane again and I'll eat your other eye too.
Call ME mad, will you? You'll see! You'll ALL see!!
Call me Moby. Let me tell you what REALLY happened.
Call on God, but row away from the rocks. - Indian proverb
Can you find the mispelled word in hear?
Can't we discuss this like adults, Stinkyface?
Can't we play something else? - Hobbes
Capital punishment ends recidivism.
Capital punishment means never having to say "You again?"
Careful, we don't want to learn from this. - Calvin
Carnivorous Freudians eat their Jung.
Certe, Toto, sentio nos in Kansate nin iam adesse.
Chain tagline, now stolen [270] times. Steal & add 1!
Change it! Change it, Butthead! This sucks! This sucks!!!
Chaos often breeds life, when order breeds habit.
Character is what you are in the dark. - John Worfin
Character, like a photograph, develops in darkness.
Childhood is short and maturity is forever. - Calvin
Children come from God. He can't stand the noise either.
Chocolate syrup is good on ice cream, too.
Christians are God's ambassadors, not His policemen.
Civilization is fun!  It keeps me busy.
Civilized people need love for full sexual satisfaction.
Clinging to sanity by a thread. Hand me those scissors...
Close enough for government work. - Justice Antonin Scalia
Close your eyes. What do you hear? - Master Po
Coming alone, departing alone, both are delusions. - Ikkyu
Commie 1-Liner Ninja Consultant & Short-Order Cook
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Confidence is what you have before you have understanding.
Confusion creates jobs.
Confusion is the only true road to understanding.
Conquest is easy; control is not.
Contentment: enjoying the scenery along the detour.
Conventionality is not morality.
Convert or Die? Oh, yeah, like it'll mean anything THEN.
Convert or Die?! Oh, yeah, that's REAL tolerant.
Could we work on that patience lesson some other day?
Couldn't I be sedated for this?! ‘ Calvin
Courage is mastery of fear, not absence of fear. - Twain
Crawl to begin. Triumph to complete. Renounce to leave.
Crisis management works beautifully until a crisis occurs.
Cultivate happiness and it becomes a habit.
Cunnilingus is a real tongue twister!
Cunning linguists do it with words!
Curious how naked death is less obscene than naked women.
Dad always liked You best! - Lucifer
Dad, You wouldn't BELIEVE how it turned out! - Jesus
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Death is the unfortunate side effect of attacking a cop.
Death to all fanatics!
DEATH TO THE... uh, who are we fighting now, anyway?
Did I really say that out loud?
Did I say HELL? I meant HECK.
Did you get that, or do I HAVE to include a <GRIN>?
Die, die, die, DIE! Oh, it's YOU! How lovely to see you!
Difference of opinion is advantageous in religion. - Jefferson
Difficult to see. Always in motion is the future.
Difficulty is not in new ideas, but escaping old ones.
Do I BELIEVE in the Bible?! HELL man, I've SEEN one!!!
Do not follow their footsteps; seek what they sought.
Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.
Do not take liberties with gods, or weary them. - Confucius
Do not underestimate the power of the Force.
Do Tagline Haiku!/Just seventeen syllables/In a single line.
Do that again and I'll grind you down to blood and screams.
Do what comes naturally now. Throw a tantrum.
Does history record any case where a majority was right?
Doesn't look, feel, or smell like an egg. Damn bird.
Don't anthropomorphize things. They don't like it.
Don't be shy! Talk dirty to me!
Don't confuse growing up with blending in.
Don't judge the parade by a few clowns.
Don't let schooling get in the way of your education.
Don't let your mind wander. It's too small to be alone.
Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
Don't question authority; it doesn't know either.
Don't stay at the Fiddle Hotel. It's a vile inn.
Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.
Don't worry, it's not loaded.
Don't worry; it's nothing reincarnation won't cure.
Don't you just hate it when there's not enough room to fin
Double your pleasure. Double your fun. Xerox your paychecks.
Doubt is the beginning of wisdom.
Dust is a protective covering sent from God.
E=MC²... Nice job, Albert; now, show your work.
Easily amused, and laughing about it.
Eat at Akbar and Jeff's Airport Snackbar
Eat at Akbar and Jeff's Tofu Hut
Ego Julius Ceasar Borgorum. Vedi, Vidi, Assimilati.
English is the de facto lingua franca - Randy Cassingham
Equality of the sexes leaves women standing on buses.
ESTO ERROR: Equipment Smarter Than Operator
Eternity may well be composed of a very deep silence.
Even if you are insane it doesn't mean that you're wrong.
Even if you understood women, you'd never believe it!
Even my FRIENDS don't do what I want. - Calvin
Even the finest teaching is not the Tao itself.
Ever get the feeling your Guardian Angel is laughing?
Ever put a Slinky on an escalator?
Every exit is an entrance into something else.
Every journey is best measured by those you've touched.
Every man thinks his own burden the heaviest.
Every seed is a longing. - Gibran
Every snowflake falls in the right place - Zen proverb
Every time history repeats itself the price goes up.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
Everybody looks brave holding a machine gun.
Everyone is gifted. Some just open the package sooner.
Everyone makes mistakes; if not, we'd all be single!
Everything furthers. - I Ching
Everything that is not mandatory is forbidden.
Excuse me as I crouch here 'ahint my asbestos shield...
Excuse me while I change into something more formidable.
Excuse me, but I haven't quite ripped my clothes off yet...
Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.
Explaining water will not make the mouth wet. - Takuan
Extreme feminine beauty is always disturbing. - Spock
Fact of Life #15: Heads bleed. Walls don't.
Fact: Most criminals were raised by heterosexual parents.
Failure(n.): Opportunity to try again, more intelligently.
Faith is powerful only when accompanied by enlightenment.
Faith is the bird that sings while it is still dark.
Fall not in love; it will stick to your face.
Family Values? Jesus was raised by his stepfather.
Famous Last Words: "I think it's dead."
Feminism has raised sexism against men to social acceptability.
Fight crime... not the police.
Fighting evil with silly, pointless, almost humorous posts.
File not found. S)tay in jail, R)eturn cake, B)ang cup
First listen to sermon. THEN eat missionary.
First, push the button. Then find out what it does.
Fish are born in water; man is born in Tao. - Chuang Tzu
Flirt with me like that again and I'll follow you anywhere.
Flowers leave their fragrance in the hands that bestow them.
Flowing water never stagnates.
For crying out loud, let the rabbit have some cereal!! 
Forget the favors given; remember those received. 
Free speech is not a euphemism for bad manners.
Freedom means choosing your burden. - Hephzibah Menuhin
Freedom OF religion includes freedom FROM religion.
Fund = give cash to; amentalism = brainlessness
Fundie Motto: If thinking is too hard, quote Scripture.
Funny how landlocked peoples have no flood myth...
Funny off-topic messages are always on-topic.
Get forgiveness now! Tomorrow you may not feel guilty.
Get out the Crisco.
Get thee behind me, Satan! You push, I'll steer...
Give evil nothing to oppose, and it will disappear.
Give me ambiguity, or give me something else!
Give them all they want, and all they will want is more.
Go ahead and touch me. I want you to feel good.
Go outside. Sit down. If your butt is wet, don't plow.
God always has another custard pie up His sleeve.
God created silk so women could be naked when fully clothed.
God has no religion. - Gandhi
God is subtle, but He is not malicious. - Einstein
God isn't dead; He's just busy petting His cat.
God made the integers; all else is the work of Man. - Kronecker
God never laughs at my jokes.
God's all right; it's His fan clubs I worry about.
Good corporals are far more important than good generals.
Good sex means being told "Stop and I'll Kill You!!!!"
Got too many birds on his antenna.
Grape nuts? What do they do with the rest of the grape?
Gravity is the law. Violators will be brought down.
Great difficulty in the beginning works supreme success.
Great warrior? Wars not make one great. - Yoda
Great! Now he's as crazy as you are!
Guess it's time for Plan "B," huh?
Half the truth is often a great lie. - Franklin
Happiness is finding the owner of a lost bikini.
Hate, like acid, destroys the vessel that contains it.
Hatred is NOT a family value.
Having studied Christianity, I became Taoist.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
He pities the plumage but forgets the dying bird. - Paine
He was a wise man who invented God. - Plato
He who adds not to his learning diminishes it. - The Talmud 
He who angers you, conquers you! - Elizabeth Kenny
He who follows the natural way is always one with the Tao.
He who is content cannot be ruined. - Lao Tzu
He who owns a teacup is no longer free...
He who seeks the Tao will continually lose.
He's a CHICKEN, I tell you! A giant chicken!
He's not a dog! He's a Canine-American!
He's off topic. Send him to.... THE COMFY CHAIR!
Heaven and Earth are ruthless.
Heaven forbid I should accept the God atheists don't.
Heaven is where thou standest. - Böhme
Heisenberg may have slept here.
Hell is empty, and all the devils are here. - Shakespeare
Hello? Front desk? Gideon left his Bible here.
Help me look, please? I've lost my damn innocence again.
Help stamp out philatelists.
Help! I've fallen, and I kind of LIKE it down here!
Here is my fist. Please run towards it very fast.
Heresy signifies no more than private opinion. - Hobbes
Hey Butthead, does this suck? - Beavis
Hey, Darwin! Bite me! - God
Hey, gang! I've got a swell idea - let's put on a show!
Hey, God! It's not funny anymore! I want my rib back!
Hey, what does this RESET butto
Hey... a Chia Pet... nice... thank you...
Him strong like bull... smart like streetcar.
History repeats itself because nobody listens.
Ho! Ha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Thrust! <BOING!!!>
Honest, officer! I was just eating the fries she dropped!
How come there's only one Monopolies Commission?
How do you double the value of a Yugo? Fill the tank.
How does Avon find so many women willing to take orders?
How much can I get away with and still go to heaven?
How you do anything is how you do everything.
Humanity prefers comfort over truth.
Humility gives the sea its power. - Lao Tzu
Humility, like darkness, reveals the heavenly lights.
Hurting yourself is not sinful - just stupid.
Hypnotists DO IT on the count of three.
I always cry after sex. I think it's the Mace...
I am a man; nothing human is alien to me.
I am above mere material things and...HEY, YOU DINGED MY CAR!!!
I am at two with the universe.
I AM serious. And don't call me Shirley. 
I am still learning. - Michelangelo's motto, at age 85
I am the culmination of creation. - Calvin
I believe in a God that doesn't need heavy financing.
I can hardly forbear throwing things at him. - Shakespeare
I can levitate birds, but nobody cares...
I can talk about this rationally... it just takes a tight rein.
I can't do anything about it; it shines all on its own.
I can't even stand the feel of cauliflower any longer.
I cannot teach him. The boy has no patience. - Yoda
I didn't believe in reincarnation last time either.
I didn't know it was impossible when I did it.
I didn't order "uhhh". I ordered a burger, fries, and Coke.
I digress; you ramble; she's off-topic.
I dinna know ya' c'uld git wool from 'em too!
I do and do for you kids and this is the thanks I get.
I do begin to have bloody thoughts. - Shakespeare
I do some of my best work when I'm not thinking
I do whatever my Rice Crispies tell me to do.
I don't care if I AM a lemming. I'm NOT GOING!
I don't CARE if you're on fire! Stop screaming like that!
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
I don't need your word, I've got your short hairs!
I don't see much future for the Americans. - Adolf Hitler
I don't see you, so don't pretend you're there.
I don't want the whole world... just your half.
I don't want to watch anything that has a moral. - Calvin
I either want less corruption or a chance to participate.
I feel like a million tonight... but, one at a time. - Mae West
I feel used, cheap, and dirty. Could you do that again?
I gave up on a wife, and married my computer.
I get lost in your metaphysical corridors. - Blaisdell
I go to skewl every once in a while...
I had to hit him - he was starting to make sense.
I hail from Maryland. Wherein hail you from?
I hate emergency vehicles. All the names are backwards.
I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it.
I have erased the thin line between genius and insanity....
I have seen the evidence. I want DIFFERENT evidence.
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
I have this sneaking suspicion that my antics amuse the gods.
I have to stop now, my fingers are getting hoarse.
I just injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine!
I keep him on a short leash... just don't get too close...
I like young girls. Their stories are shorter.
I love birds. My favorite is the rosy-breasted pushover.
I love cooking my children and leaving out commas.
I love to snatch kisses! (Did I say that right?)
I may be weird, but around here it's barely noticeable.
I MAY be wrong... but that doesn't mean you're RIGHT.
I MUST be Taoist; they keep telling me I'm in the Way!
I must go now, for there they go... and I'm their leader...
I once encountered an "oo la la" in the wild. - H. Van Sickle
I ought to cast you out, or smite you, or something.
I really must learn not to argue with ignorance.
I refuse to be intimidated by reality anymore!
I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.
I saw it in a cartoon, but I'm pretty sure I can do it...
I sold my soul to the Devil. The bastard tried to return it.
I speak for the little birdies that follow me around.
I swear! I didn't know she was inflatable!
I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
I think I just heresied on several important religions.
I think I left the stove on.
I think it's good that everyone becomes food. - Hobbes
I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
I thought I'd entered an alternate universe or something.
I threw caution to the wind. It threw it back. I ducked!
I tried smart. I recommend pleasant. - Elwood P. Dowd
I wanna be what I was when I wanted to be what I am now.
I want a CHEESEBURGER, ONION RINGS, and a LARGE ORANGE DRINK!
I was waiting for the sign to turn green.
I wasn't kissing her; I was whispering in her mouth.
I will defend to the death your right to my opinion.
I will, on rare occasions, attempt the unlikely.
I'd be a Christian, if it wasn't for Christians. - Gandhi
I'd love to, but I feel a song coming on.
I'd love to, but I'm writing a love letter to Jody Foster.
I'd rather be flogging the peasants...
I'm a syrupy mess. Who can I hug? - Calvin
I'm a Zen nudist; I'm naked in my own mind
I'm broad-minded. I hardly think of anything else.
I'm dangerous when I know what I'm doing.
I'm FLYING I'm FLYING! >>THUD<<
I'm going to leave before you start attracting flies.
I'm hit!!! <GASP> Tonto, go on without me!!! <FLOP>
I'm mooning you now... you just can't see me.
I'm not angry... just terribly, terribly hurt.
I'm not arrogant; I just have a problem with mortals...
I'm not confused. I'm just well mixed. - Robert Frost
I'm NOT laughing at you... I'm laughing NEAR you!
I'm not much, but I'm all I think about.
I'm not trying to kiss you; I'm adjusting your restraints.
I'm one with the Universe...on a scale from 1 to 10.
I'm only a hypnotist, so this is only a suggestion...
I'm proud to have been a part of your moral decline.
I'm starting to worry about this voyage. - Kermit
I'm very selective about what I accept as reality.
I'm wobbling, and I CAN'T FALL DOWN! - Weeble
I've changed my mind, Hobbes. People ARE scum. - Calvin
I've concluded that nothing bad I do is my fault. - Calvin
I've got a lot of hunny on my nice nose - Winnie The Pooh
I've got plenty of common sense! I just choose to ignore it.
I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.
I've had a difficult past few lives.
I've no time to prepare a profound message.
If a felon is one who commits a felony, God is an iron.
If a problem has a single neck, it has a simple solution.
If all you have is a pie, everything looks like Soupy Sales.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
If Christ loved & forgave people, why can't Christians?
If God lived on earth, people would break his windows.
If I die, I forgive you; if I recover, we shall see.
If I put water in my dog's mouth, will bells ring?
If it ain't broke, try installing something else.
If it ain't the voices, it's them flyin' leprechauns!
If it happens, it must be possible.
If it isn't cruel and unusual, it isn't punishment.
If it isn't love, it'll have to do 'til I get some sleep.
If it screams, it's best not to eat it.
If it were easy, they'd send someone else.
If it's worth getting upset about it's worthy of amnesia. - Bandler
If love is the law, someone better start enforcing it.
If more Christians read the Bible there'd be less of them.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to?
If people could put rainbows in zoos, they'd do it. - Hobbes
If seeing is believing, some skeptics wouldn't look.
If she screams, lick it again!
If she won't live forever, why give her a diamond?
If the enemy is in range, SO ARE YOU.
If the family skeleton must remain, make it dance.
If the theists would just shut up, the gods could speak.
If women like it, it's erotica. If men like it, it's pornography.
If you ain't cool without it, you ain't cool with it.
If you are willing to die, you can do anything!
If you can read this, you're in range.
If you can't do it well, enjoy doing it badly.
If you can't elucidate, eschew obfuscatory interlocutions.
If you can't sing good, sing loud.
If you do not strive with others, you will be free from blame.
If you do not trust others, they will not trust you.
If you don't like the news, go make some of your own.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
If you had an off switch, would you tell anyone?
If you must drink and drive, drive a Yugo!
If you pray for the ACLU, will they sue you?
If you roll, get up, & run backwards, do you catch fire?
If you save the world too often, it starts to expect it.
If you search for the unknown, expect to be surprised.
If you think health care's expensive, wait 'til it's free.
If you think you're confused now, just wait until I explain.
If you want to be full, let yourself be emptied.
If you want to hide your face, walk naked.
If you're going to walk on thin ice, you may as well dance.
If you're happy and you're Buddhist, clap your hand!
If you're not busy bein' born, you're busy dyin'.
If your mind goes blank, remember to turn down the sound.
Imagination is intelligence having fun.
Imagination is more important than knowledge. - Einstein
Imagination is the foundation of reality.
IMAGINE! I was accused of being an ADULT the other day!
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
In every gain there is a loss. - Master Po
In private, women are much more perverted than men.
In the mass mind there is no mind - just mass.
In the wind of the mind arises the turbulence called "I."
In theory, everything works.
In your hurry to disagree with me, you reinforced my opinion.
Inside a dog, it really is too dark to read.
Instant gratification just isn't fast enough anymore....
Instinct is intelligence without self-consciousness.
Intelligence is a river; the deeper it is, the quieter.
Interesting if true, and interesting anyway. - Mark Twain
Iron sharpens iron; scholar, the scholar.
Is a bear catholic? Does the Pope... uhh... oh, wait.
Is it just me, or is my monitor breathing?
It ain't bestiality if the bear loves you.
It balances! It balances! Run the bloody paychecks.
It had only one fault. It was kind of lousy. - James Thurber
It is a bad plan that admits of no modification. - Syrus
It is best to read the forecast before we pray for rain.
It is easier to stay out than get out. - Twain
It is often profitable, if one is wise, to seem foolish.
It is only to the individual that a soul is given - Einstein
It looks like blind screaming hedonism won out.
It matters not so much what you sing, but why.
It worked before; it don't now. I ain't changed anything.
It works better when you turn the brightness up.
It's a dirty job, but someone has to pawn it off.
It's a lot of work to build from scratch an entire world.
It's a poodle... set it on delicate. - Butthead
It's a Tao thing, there is nothing TO understand.
It's a Zen thing, trying to understand won't help.
It's about to hit the fan! Everyone to the shelter, NOW!
It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
It's easier to obtain forgiveness than permission.
It's hard to work in a group when you're omnipotent.
It's not a bagpipe, but don't stop playing.
It's not just reality that matters.
It's not what you say, it's what I think you said.
It's okay to call someone stupid; just don't prove it.
It's okay to laugh in the bedroom, but don't point.
It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw.
It's such a nice day. Let's leave the top down. - JFK
Jesus said "feed my sheep," NOT "bludgeon them to death".
Just stay away from those products from ACME, Mr. Coyote.
Just then, a bird crapped on his head.
Kinda like getting your arm caught in machinery.
Kiss: A secret told to the mouth instead of the ear.
Knowing others is wisdom; knowing yourself is enlightenment.
Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.
Language was born from our deep inner need to complain.
Let him that would move the world, first move himself.
Let me sweeten the deal a bit for you. - Beelzebub.
Let your speech be better than silence.
Let's play Doctor. You cut and I'll sue.
Let's say you get shot in the head... think it'll tickle?
Let's win this one and go home. - George A. Custer 
Life is a spoon; nourish the world or poke your eye out.
Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
Life is full of little surprises. - Pandora
Life is like a cat with a guitar. I don't know why.
Life is like a simile.
Life's a bitch, and she's back in heat.
Lighthouses are more helpful then churches - B. Franklin
Like a cow in tall grass, I'm udderly tickled to be here.
Listen to what experts say can't be done. Then do it.
Listen with the breath. - Chuang Tzu
Live life like there's no yesterday.
Living life on the edge of insanity. <nudge>
Locked my coathanger in the car. Good thing I had the key.
Logic is the beginning of wisdom, not the end.
Loneliness begins when the spaces are filled. - Tao of Pooh
Looking to God for answers is premature.
Love handles?? I've got VICE GRIPS!!
Love is a hole in the heart.
Love; a grave mental disease. - Plato
Make both love and war. Get married.
Man is a piece of the universe made alive. - Emerson
Man is not a rational animal, but a rationalising animal.
Man: "Pray for strength" God: "What a bunch of whiners"
Mann tracht und Gott lacht (Man thinks, and God laughs)
Marriages are made in Heaven, but so are thunder and lightning.
Marriages tend to spoil perfectly good relationships.
Marrying is not Marriage.
Mastering others requires force; mastering self needs strength.
May all your desires be granted at once. - Chinese curse
May your path be filled with groovy scenery!
Maybe God is a kid playing SimEarth.
Maybe it was something your mother took during pregnancy.
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Maybe we were meant to fight our way through.
Meditation - it's not what you think!
Memes don't exist. Tell this to everybody you know.
Microsoft: putting the "backward" into "backward compatible."
Militant Evangelical Taoists: Send money, but not to us!
Minimum wage for politicians.
Moe! Larry! The cheese! Moe! Larry! The cheese!
Mommy! The Ascended Masters are TEASING me again!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo. - H.G. Wells
More fun than picking your nose with a hot-dog tong.
Most people don't look dumb till they start talkin'.
Most people would rather die than think. Many do. - Russell
Mr. Custer? Can I be excused for the rest of the afternoon?
Muddling in the puddle of my stream of consciousness...
Must go... some Jehovah's Witnesses need shouting at.
My HMO assigned me to Dr. Kevorkian.
My inner child is a sick little bastard.
My inner child is tossing mashed potatoes at the ceiling.
My life is not organized around high probability events.
My lunch is on fire... I guess it's done. Gotta run...
My pet rock bit me.
My train of thought just derailed.
My true religion is kindness - H. H. the Dalai Lama.
My upbringing is filled with inconsistent messages. - Calvin
Mythology lets you talk to old cultures and future ones - L. Wachowski
Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed. - Francis Bacon
Neologism is just a word somebody made up.
Neutrality favors the oppressor. - Bishop Desmond Tutu
Never agree with me; it shakes my self confidence.
Never argue with a woman when she's tired or rested.
Never cut what can be untied.
Never fear answers. Only fear running out of questions.
Never fight with a bear in his own cave.
Never go into a hug off balance.
Never let your willpower get the best of you.
Never mistake endurance for hospitality.
Never mistake motion for action.
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
Never trust a religion which is less than 3,000 years old.
Never underestimate the purr of a woman.
Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.
Nice shot, eh? What? Wrong net?
No amateur crastinator am I.
No one can think clearly with clenched fists.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
No thanks, I already have a nagila.
No, it wasn't much of a letter, but you're not much of a grandma.
No, No, Nurse!  I said PRICK his BOIL!
No, officer, I was conducting a physics experiment.
No, Woody, I said 'TUCK the kids in bed!' - Mia Farrow
Nothing a vulture hates more than biting into a glass eye.
Nothing is intuitive in its fullest form.
Now for some intelligent thought... well, maybe not...
O Lord, protect me from having to read the manuals.
Oh God, if there is one, save my soul, if I have one - Voltaire
Oh no! Not another learning experience!
Oh what fun to riot and sing a slaying song tonight!
Oh, stewardess! I speak jive.
Oink (FLAP) oink (FLAP) oink (FLAP) oink (FLAP)
OK, cute gag, now PUT DOWN THAT HAMMER! - Jesus
Okay, I pulled the pin; now what? Where are you going...?
Old immortals never die, they just... well... they just don't.
On the eighth day God said, "Did I do that?"
Once a misfit leaves, another will be recruited.
Once swords are crossed the gun becomes useless. - Musashi
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
One man's system is another man's component. - Dan Pinck
Only a coward mistakes oppression for peace.
Oof! I made this one so heavy even I can't move it! - God
Ooh! Watch out! The walls are pointy!
Opportunity knocks. Karma hunts you down.
Organ Harvesters are coming to paint a big red "X" on you.
Our most sacred tears never seek our eyes. - Gibran 
Our national health plan: Don't Get Sick.
Pain is inevitable. Misery is optional.
Paul Lynde to block...
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
Permit someone to make you angry, and they conquer you.
PHENOMINAL COSMIC POWERS... itty-bitty tagline space.
Philosophy is to the real world as masturbation is to sex.
Philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there.
Philosophy: A route leading from nowhere to nothing.
Pie Iesu Domine... dona eis requiem... <WHAP!>
Plan to throw one away. You will anyhow.
Please God, could I just have my rib back instead?
Please post again; I'm adjusting for windage.
Posterity? I want it to sound good now! - Duke Ellington
Posting here adds to the universal Chaos.
Practice random kinds of senseless... No, wait...
Practice safe eating; always use condiments.
Pray for a good harvest, but keep on hoeing.
Prayer is asking for rain; faith is then bringing an umbrella.
Predestination was doomed from the start.
Procrastinate? Not right now, thanks.
Put on your seatbelt. I wanna try something.
Put your ear down close to your soul & listen hard. - Sexton
Quoth the Eeyore, "Never mind." - Edgar Allen Pooh
Rap makes me miss disco.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
REAL men don't waste their hormones growing hair.
Reality has no inside, outside, or middle part. - Bodhidharma
Reality is a sham.
Reality is all a point of view.
Reality is often inaccurate.
Reason is man's imitation of divinity - Santayana
Reduced to a quivering mass of misfiring neurons.
Religion is a defense against the experience of God - Jung
Religion is the translation of philosophy into action.
Religious peddlers will be hideously martyred.
Remembrance is a form of meeting. - Gibran
Roll me over, lay me down and do it again.
Sad because I am utterly alone. - The Crow
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Satan to Christian: "The Jews were right."
Satanism is a Christian religion.
Save on toilet paper; use both sides.
Say no, then negotiate.
Self-righteousness is not religion.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the Question. YES is the answer!
She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
She said, "Deeper! Deeper!" so I quoted Nietzsche in her ear.
Shhh! Everyone! Here comes the Church Lady!
Shhhhh! The Christians think they're alone up here. - God
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - C. Jung
Silence is evidence of superb language skills.
Since when is talking a sign of thinking?
Sitting on a hilltop and blowing bubbles is educational.
Sleep deprivation is fun. You see such pretty colors!
Sleep faster. We need the pillows. - Yiddish proverb
Smile if you are wearing sexy underwear.
So many Nymphs, so little time. - Pan
Some days it's not worth chewing through the restraints.
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill.
Some people just don't learn unless there's blood spilled.
Some use the Bible as if it were a constable's handbook.
Someday you'll wish you'd done what you aren't doing now.
Someone's gotta tell this volcano god we're out of virgins.
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar - Freud
Sometimes I feel like I've got a guardian idiot.
Sometimes playing the game is better than winning it.
Sometimes, I get to be the agent of someone else's Karma.
Speak the truth; leave immediately after. - Slav Proverb
Speak to the earth, and it shall teach thee. - Job 12:8
Squirt guns don't squirt people... kids do.
Stability brought about by force is not stability at all.
Standards are wonderful; so many to choose from!
Steal this tagline, and you're gonna get a spanking.
Straight but not narrow.
Strong and bitter words indicate a weak cause.
Stupidity is a force with which both God & Satan must contend.
Sudden prayers make God jump.
Sum Homo. Nihil Humani mi alienatum est.
Swordpoint conversions are suspect.
System Halted. Press any key you like. It won't help.
Tact is getting your point across without stabbing someone.
Take off from thyself the wrappings of limitations.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. - Euripides
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either.
Thank you for not being perky.
That makes *two* people I know with a dog named Gabby.
That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest.
That which does not kill me had better make sure I don't get up.
That without substance can enter where there is no room.
The annoying thing about organized religion is that it isn't.
The answer is ashdkjhasdhgsaghjadgasdsad.
The beginning of wisdom is the definition of terms.
The best armor is to keep out of range.
The best things in life aren't things.
The best way to get praise is to die.
The bird of paradise alights upon the hand that does not grasp.
The center of the universe is 2 cm behind my forehead.
The Church has appropriated God for its own ends! - Machiavelli
The devil didn't make me do it, but he had the best idea.
The early worm deserves the bird.
The early worm has a death wish.
The easy way is always the hardest way.
The enemy is fear. We think it is hate, but it is fear. - Gandhi
The fabric of space-time isn't merely curved, it's bent.
The fear of death keeps us from living, not from dying.
The fewer the facts, the stronger the opinion.
The first rule of holes: when you're in one, stop digging.
The first step towards philosophy is incredulity.
The first to raise his fist loses the argument.
The forest would be silent if no birds sang but the best.
The good news is that the bad news was wrong.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men. - Napoleon
The greatest joy in life is doing what people say you cannot.
The greatest man in history was the poorest.
The hands that help are holier than the lips that pray.
The key is to give them something they're not expecting.
The kingdom of God is within you. - Luke 17:21
The less effort, the faster and more powerful you will be.
The map is not the territory. - Alfred Korzbyski
The master does nothing, yet nothing remains undone.
The meek are contesting the will.
The minute I got tenure I went back to dirty words. - Timothy Jay
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
The more you know, the less you understand - Lao Tzu
The only argument against the wind is to put on a coat.
The only imperfect thing in nature is the human race.
The only time we'll disagree is when you're wrong.
The only tool diplomacy has is language.
The only victory over love is flight. - Napoleon
The pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal.
The peacemaker is never in the way.
The Philosophy Shop - Your source for discounted ideas
The problem isn't ignorance, but the illusion of knowledge.
The proof of gold is fire. - Ben Franklin
The quest for enlightenment is dangerous to the caterpillar.
The real in us is silent; the acquired is talkative. - Gibran
The reverse side also has a reverse side. - Japanese proverb
The sacred lies in the ordinary.
The Sage fusses over nothing and thus spoils nothing.
The Sanskrit word for "war" means "desire for more cows."
The still mind of the sage is a mirror of heaven and earth.
The sun is never the worse for shining on a dunghill.
The Tao is an empty vessel, used but never filled - Lao Tzu
The Tao is near and people seek it far away. - Menicus
The taste of Zen is the taste of tea.
The tree remains, but not the hand that planted it.
The trouble with Jehovah is, he thinks he's God.
The truth shall make you free, but first it shall piss you off.
The unexamined life is not worth living. - Socrates 
The universe looks smooth, if you stand back far enough.
The waitress drew a smiley face on my check.
The Way of the sage is to act but not to compete - Lao Tzu
The way that is spoken of is not the enlightened way.
The wise man reads books and life itself. - Lin Yutang
The words of the prophets are written in the tagline files.
The words were out before I had the chance to stop them.
The world owes you nothing. It was here first. - Twain
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.
There are some remedies worse than the disease.
There is a tiny plant here, murmuring "water, water".
There is an absolute truth, but language fails miserably.
There is no joy without affliction.
There is no need to seek truth; only stop having views.
There's a fine line between wise and weird.
There's intelligent life on earth, but I'm just visiting.
There's no recession. I just LIKE being underemployed!
They always find me anyway.
They told me I was gullible... and I believed them.
Thieves demand your money or your life; women want both.
Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
Think hard now! Which one is Shinola?
This beats a waltz with a wet ferret in a fusebox.
This incarnation has been my most gruelling. - Dalai Lama
This is God. STOP!
This isn't Hell, but you can see it from here.
This message is from a real cunning linguist!
This tagline vibrates if you rub it the right way.
Those easily offended should be frequently offended.
Those who want the fewest things are closest to the gods.
Three out of five people aren't the other two.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Time is not a line, but a series of now-points.
To a man with an empty stomach, food is God. - Gandhi
To attract a vegetarian, make a noise like a wounded vegetable.
To be, and not to be - Zen Shakespeare
To believe possibilities is not faith, but philosophy.
To die but not perish is to be eternally present - Lao Tzu
To do: Remove things I've done from "to do" list.
To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girlfriends.
To get rid of an enemy, one must love him. - Leo Tolstoy
To hide a feeling is to increase its force a thousand times.
To him who is in fear, everything rustles.
To know Tao, be still and look within.
To lead the people, walk behind them. - Lao Tzu
To learn more about paranoids, follow them around!
To live is to risk dying.
To live long, it is necessary to live slowly. - Cicero
To make the gods laugh, tell them your plans.
To not know is bad; to wish to not know is worse.
To not understand a man's purpose does not make HIM confused.
To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill.
To suppress a truth is to give it a force beyond endurance.
To teach is to learn twice.
To the Caliph I am dirt, but to dirt, I am Caliph.
To tolerate everything is to teach nothing.
Today the sun, tonight the MOON! WHEN WILL IT END?
Today's heathen-burning is brought to you by the Holy Church!
Tomorrow the sun comes up in the west.
Total Spiritual Enlightenment helps me score with the babes.
True greatness knows gentleness.
Truth is a clap of the hands.
Try not. Do, or do not. There is no "try."
Two monologues do not make a dialogue.
Uhh... we're, like, closed or something. Go away.
Ultimately, good will triumph over evil, cuz good is cute.
Unbreakable toys are useful for breaking other toys.
Using birdseed, get pigeons to spell out nasty words.
Vehemence is no guarantee of truth. - Isaac Asimov
Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Exploration Team: 1999-1955
Vidi, vici, veni - I saw, I conquered, I came.
Virginia is for lovers, but Pennsylvania has Intercourse.
Vitrum edere possum; mihi non nocet.
Wasting time is an important part of living.
Watch out... the paranoids are after you.
We all come from Tao and to Tao we shall return.
We are here to ridicule reality. Where is it?
We can't help him, nurse; he has on dirty underwear.
We cannot be both innocent and silent witnesses.
We carry within us wonders we seek without us.
We change not from seeing the light, but feeling the heat.
We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.
We do not recognize our souls until they are in pain. - Crow
We have enough youth; how about a fountain of SMART?
We must all make sacrifices. You may be next.
We need not think alike to love alike.
We'll make him listen to whiny protest songs from the sixties.
We're lost, but we're making good time.
Wear audacious underwear under the most solemn business attire.
Welcome to the Future! It's just starting now...
Well, gotta go clean the blood off my clown suit...
Went outside yesterday. It was very big. Went back in.
What are the instructions doing in the trash??
What fuggin Indians?! - Custer
What happens if you touch these two wires togeth
What I lack in restraint, I make up for in remorse.
What if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today!
What is exact cannot help but be subtle. - Jules Renard
What is your position on extramarital sex?
What part of "gestalt" don't you understand?
What was my original face before I was born?
What was on their minds when they abbreviated "Kentucky?"
What was that noise?! - The mayor of Hiroshima
What you see can depend on what you look for.
What? Kill them all? Yes, plate of food. I will obey.
Whatever does not destroy me makes me stronger. - Nietzche
Whatever you are, be a good one. - Abraham Lincoln
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
When a finger points at the moon, the fool looks at the finger.
When a sage is angry, he is no longer a sage.
When all else is lost, the future still remains.
When all think alike, then no one is thinking.
When birds start perching on the lawn, it's time to mow it.
When did I say "Build an amusement park?" - Jesus
When eating an elephant, take one bite at a time.
When I get back me and Fallwell are gonna TALK! - Jesus
When men lack a sense of awe, there will be disaster. - Lao Tzu
When the bird and the bird book disagree, believe the bird.
When the body sleeps, the soul is enfolded in One. - Chuang Tzu
When the Gods want to punish us, they give us what we want.
When the horse is dead, it's best to get off it!
When the mind is ready, a teacher appears. - Zen saying
When the solution is simple, God is answering - Einstein
When they put the straight jacket on, my nose always itches.
When you deal with the insane, always pretend you're sane.
When you seek it, you cannot find it. - Zen proverb
Where was Mrs. Robinson when I was a teenager?
Where will YOU be when your laxative starts working?
Where you've been means much less than where you're going.
Wherever you live is your temple if you treat it like one.
Why attack God? He may be as sad about us as we are.
Why buy cologne when you can wipe a magazine on you?
Why is the universe here? Where else would it be?
Will cure virgins for food.
Wisdom consists of knowing when to avoid perfection.
With friends like these, who needs hallucinations?
Woman is a two-edged sword... driven through your skull.
Women may not hit harder, but they may hit lower.
Women take to good-hearted men. Also from.
Women? Equality? Good, I hate holding doors!
Worrying is praying for what you don't want
Yes, God has a sense of humor. No, I don't understand it.
You are approaching Tao. Continue, but don't look for it.
You can never become happy. You can only BE happy.
You can turn ANY conversation into one about sex!
You can't be careful on a skateboard, man. - Stephen King
You can't be late until you show up.
You can't do just ONE thing.
You can't free a fish from water.
You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.
You did WHAT in My name?! - Jesus
You don't have to cling to truth with white knuckles. 
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budget.
You HAD a twin brother, but he didn't listen to me.
You must be the change you wish to see in the world. - Gandhi
You never act da way ya should, and I LIKE it.
You probably receive get-well cards from nurses.
You think you have troubles? My sundial is slow.
You will be told about it tomorrow. Go home and prepare.
You'll never see me quoted in a tag - David Carlson
You're all insane and trying to steal my magic bag!
You're being followed; cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
You've been a bad girl. Now go to my room.
You, you, and you - panic. The rest of you, come with me.
Your analyst has you confused with another patient.
Your boss is thinking about you.
Your daily life is your temple and your religion. - Gibran
Your ex just called... she's with the IRS now.
Your god died for your sins? What did you do?
Your proctologist called; your head is ready.
Zeal without knowledge is fire without light.
Zen is looking for the spectacles which sit on your nose.
__________/oo\__________  "Is it safe to come out yet?"
‘‘-w-°U°-w-‘‘- Kilroy was here!