Things I've Learned

Never, ever, ever question authority. It doesn't know any of the answers.

When somebody starts a sentence with the word "TECHNICALLY", they're about to bullshit me.

The world might seem flat, but if you shake it, it fizzes right up again.

Having had a bad childhood might be an explanation, but it isn't an excuse.

People act on what they believe, not on what they know.

People will do amazing and even bizarre things for you if they believe you care about them and want them to be happy.

The belief in reincarnation is one of the most useful and empowering of any of the available beliefs.

The single most powerful motivating force in the human mind is the desire to be right.

If a woman kisses you, it's probably because she wanted to.

Women like sex as much as, or more than, men.

Poor spellers really don't understand that misspelling is physically painful to those of us who can spell well.

People who can't use DOS shouldn't be allowed to use Windows. People who can use DOS shouldn't be required to use Windows.

Most people don't understand their own religion, let alone anyone else's.

Killfiles make Usenet almost tolerable.

Learning a computer programming language is good for you, even if you never write a computer program with it.

The classics of literature are classics because they're GOOD.

Husbands generally lose their wives because they stop treating their wives like girlfriends.

Contrary to what they like men to believe, a woman can't read a man's mind. If you aren't saying it, guys, she can't hear it. And ladies, if you think you know what he really meant by what he said, you're quite probably mistaken. Ask.

After I got a good idea of what women were all about, I found that I liked them even better before. I guess some things are better left unexplored.

The guy with all the answers to all of life's most important questions is probably on a locked psych unit somewhere, drugged into a stupor, because he made the mistake of telling someone.

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