Writing one's own eulogy is an interesting exercise, to say the least. Try it sometime. It gives you a new perspective on your life. One thing I noticed while re-reading it is, it's not finished. It doesn't feel finished. And that's as it should be.

So... what do I want said over the shell I used to occupy?

My Eulogy

Most people want good things to be said about them. I'd prefer the truth. I was basically a fine man, and I had some nasty traits at the same time. Anyone who's listening to this knows exactly what I mean. They can see the same things in themselves if they didn't know me well enough to know my faults.

You who know what I jerk I could be and loved me anyway are really special to me.

I'll be cremated. I don't care where you scatter the ashes. Flush them if you want. Just don't bury them someplace or keep them in a container and pretend I'm there. I'm not there. I'm here, inside the person who's reading this and inside anyone who has ever told me I helped make their lives better. Don't put a headstone anywhere and then go there sometimes and plant flowers, as if you're visiting me. You don't have to go anywhere to visit me. I am no longer bound by time and space; all you have to do to visit me is want to visit me.

Stop the crying. It's only death, after all. It isn't as if nobody ever died, or as if death is something a person either deserves or doesn't deserve. Nobody's to blame for death. God didn't take me, they didn't need angels in Heaven, it isn't a punishment for anybody's so-called sin, none of that nonsense. It's just death. It "ain't no big deal", the song says. Looking at nature, we can plainly see the end of one thing is always the beginning of something else.

If I had it to do over, I'd do everything sooner and more often. Life is short; eat good food, listen to good music, read good books, do a good job, enjoy the company of friends, forgive, forgive, forgive... and every chance you get, touch someone somehow.

Examine your rules, and if they don't work for you, get rid of them. No sad music at my funeral, and no grieving oratory. If you're going to remember my funeral, I want you to smile while you do it. Play the music I loved, and turn it up. I'm watching.

If I've ever touched your life in a positive way, it's your turn now. Pass it on. Touch someone else's life, help them grow and change in positive ways. If you try to take credit for it, it doesn't count, so keep your ego out of the way.

Hurting yourself is stupid. Stop it. Smoking, drinking, using drugs, eating lousy food, staying angry or stressed, remembering past hurts, working a job you hate, and hanging out with people who treat you poorly are all self-abuse. Do something else. Do anything else. Best of all, remember Joseph Campbell's direction: "follow your bliss".

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