All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergartenand Uh-oh, Here Comes Christmas
site authored by Ernest Zulia and David Caldwell
All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten was a short essay written by an interesting man in Seattle. It was a wry look at the simple truths that are the foundations of our lives, which found its way onto bulletin boards and refrigerators all over the country. One of the people who happened to read it was an agent. Now, several years later, the essay has traveled around the world reaching millions of people, and has even been entered into our congressional record. And the simple truths still apply.
Robert Fulghum has been on a fantastical journey that has made him one of the world's most popular philosophers and writers in the latter part of the twentieth century. And we have had the privilege of tagging along for part of that journey with two stage adaptations of his work, All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten and Uh-oh, Here Comes Christmas (Ernie adapted the stories and directed many of the productions, and David wrote music and lyrics). Like so many readers, we were struck by the profound insight and charming wit of this wonderful storyteller. So we thought, why not try to translate his work into our own language of theater and music? What a joy it has been to see these great stories come to life for tens of thousands of audience members around the world...turning what was a solo reading-chair experience into that amazing communal celebration that can only take place in the theater.
Fulghum's books are not about kindergarten, nor are they for children. They are stories about all of us, covering a wide range of situations and observations out of everyday life, examining the very core of our existence with a sense of humor. Clearly, they have touched many people: the seven books have sold over 15 million copies in 96 countries, and have been translated into 23 languages. All have been best-sellers; Kindergarten was #1 on the New York Times best-seller list for almost two years, while his second book It Was On Fire When I Lay Down On It held the #2 position.
It has been an honor, bringing Robert Fulghum's delightful words and world-view to the stage. The adventure has taken us to places like Carnegie Hall, the Czech Republic, and Kuala Lumpur. But some of our most cherished memories are of regional companies, high schools and community theaters who have embraced the shows with so much enthusiasm. And now we are looking forward to sharing the joy with theater companies who will produce Kindergarten and Uh-oh in the future.
All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten
The theatrical adaptation of All I ReallyNeed To Know I Learned In Kindergarten was born at Mill Mountain Theater in Roanoke Virginia, with a three-week workshop and a six-week run. The subsequent development of the show has been very unusual: we have fine-tuned the show in front of audiences for six years, reshaping, adding and subtracting songs and essays all the way. The process has involved more than thirty productions across the United States and overseas--in major commercial venues, LORT theaters, community theaters and high schools. We have tried to capture the charm, humor and depth of the original essays, and have been encouraged and delighted by the responses we've gotten . Many times we've noticed audience members nudging each other during the stories, as if to say, "Doesn't that remind you of Aunt Gladys?" Standing ovations have been the norm, and the show has broken box office records in several theaters.
Kindergarten seems to touch theater audiences in the same way it has touched readers around the world. Several producers have commented to us that their subscribers have found the show a welcome addition to the theaters' schedules. It's a fresh, new show, but with an extremely popular and recognizable title.
The show is an evening of theatrical storytelling in a revue format, with monologues, dialogues, and multiple-voice narration, and can be performed as a musical with up to six original songs, or as a play with one song. Live piano underscoring enhances both versions, adding fluidity and emotional texture. It is written for a cast of five, but can easily be expanded or re-shaped to suit the talents of any theater group. It has very simple production requirements; a unit set, contemporary costumes, and lighting opportunities from the basic to the very elaborate.
The essays in Kindergarten reflect a mature, seasoned outlook on life, but we've discovered that the material has tremendous family appeal, even for children as young as eight or nine. In fact, at the request of several high-school drama teachers, we have created a special version of the script specifically for high schools.
To inquire about mounting a production of Kindergarten, or to obtain a copy of the script and score, contact Dramatic Publishing Company, our publishing and licensing representative:
Dramatic Publishing PO Box 129 Woodstock IL 60098 Phone: 815-338-7170 or 800-448-7469 Fax: 815-338-8981 or 800-334-5302 Web site: http://www.dramaticpublishing.com E-mail: plays@dramaticpublishing.com
Please feel free to e-mail us with any other questions or reactions you might have: dcaldwellny@earthlink.net.
Kindergarten Production History
Kindergarten Media Quotes
"All I Really Need To Know I Learned in Kindergarten at Actors Theatre of Louisville is a gentle musical that avoids being a pretentious homily on the meaning of life. The upbeat production is more a collection of stories than a play...The exuberance and imagination of children is a gift that adults lose along the way. Retaining the wonder of youth, and using that wide-eyed vision to understand and cope with more complex problems of adulthood is the first lesson of ATL's light-hearted musical...Scenes and stories related to the meaning of life and mystery of death were neither heavy-handed nor trite. They were reassuring reminders of human fears, and the awesome questions that engage the minds of adults."
-Louisville (KY) Courier Journal
"This remarkable and uplifting play can be seen at Actors Theatre of Louisville through May 26. What is most significant about this production is the range of ages in the audience. Young and old alike shared in this celebration of life and happiness."
-The Blotter, Louisville KY
"All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten is a unique theatrical experience that does all its jobs--creating laughter, pausing breath, sparking thought--with a gentle stroking grace."
-Critical Mass, Louisville KY
"A delightful star-studded cast in an equally delightful production of Robert Fulghum's All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten is playing at the Tiffany Theatre in West Hollywood."
-KPFK 90.7 FM, Los Angeles CA
"Over at the Tiffany Theatre (Los Angeles) they have Ernest Zulia's wonderful stage adaptation of Robert Fulghum's All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten, that examines all the daily problems of life in a compelling and thought-provoking show...The heart-warming theme going back to the innocence of kindergarten and childhood exuberance, is invigorating...Done with rich comedic sensibilities, these stories are all about you and me. The best questions addressed are the poignant ones on human catastrophes, mistakes, and misfortunes. This is a delightful, fresh, intimate piece of storytelling we highly recommend. It is our critics pick."
-American Radio Network, Hollywood CA
"Ernest Zulia's stage adaptation of All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten sensitively addresses the problems and inconveniences of life in 18 thought-provoking and sniffle-provoking vignettes...beginning in a kindergarten classroom, Zulia illustrates Fulghum's observations on hope and optimism...the adaptation has a gentle flow that neither slams us against abrupt surprises, nor lulls us into satisfied complacency...The actors give understated, deeply nuanced performances that left the audiences searching for hankies."
-Los Angeles (CA) Times
"All I Really Need To Know I Learned in Kindergarten has been translated for the stage, in a form that is visual and theatrical yet maintains the essence of the original. The performance takes the form of a series of monologues, skits and several original songs. Some are wildly funny. Some are satiric, others border on tragedy. Those which are the most fun are the ones acted out by several cast members. Zulia's choreographing of the string of overlapping brief scenes is deft and precise...a feel-good production."
-Santa Monica (CA) Outlook
"If you're familiar with All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten (and who isn't?) you're probably smiling already at the mere mention of the title. The book presents a series of fundamental basic truisms that are impossible to dispute. Written with the crisp clarity of vision possessed by life-affirming children, Fulghum's homilies enfold readers and warm them like Linus' time-worn security blanket...this "Kindergarten manifesto" covers a wide variety of situations that observe and examine the core of human existence....a straight-forward series of sweet, heart-felt scenes. Highlights of the evening include a depressed Naughton, lying prostrate on the floor, then regenerated by Ode To Joy in Beethoven's Ninth Symphony; Howland's spiritual encounter with an anonymous tombstone in a peaceful cemetery; and Tucci's hilarious tale about an indomitable, indefatigable "Mother of the Bride." (We guarantee you'll howl at this one.) Delightful group sketches include Tucci as a timid child who invents an unconventional character (a barking pig no less) for his class presentation of Cinderella; and Mandan as a delusional octogenarian who brings joy to the world by imagining it's Christmas at least three times a year."
-Drama-Logue, on the Los Angeles (CA) production
"The audience cheered after every scene."
-The Washington Post
"* * * * FOUR STARS....So full of heart and wisdom that it will bring a tear to your eye and a lump to your throat time and time again...All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten is heartwarming, charming, funny and true. And if theater is meant to touch your heart and change the way you see things, then this qualifies for that too."
-The Indianapolis (IN) Star
"Disarmingly simple stories that invite the re-birth of wonder and the recovery of innocence lost...The result is a loose-leaf diary of life."
-Sunday News, Lancaster PA
"It's hilarious and touching too."
-New Era, Lancaster PA
"Theater is best when I learn something from it while being entertained. That's what happened when I saw All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten."
-Intelligencer Journal, Lancaster PA
"Fulghum's legions of fans no doubt will be pleased with this show that is based entirely on Fulghum's words, and others may become Fulghum devotees on the strength of this show."
-Richmond (VA) Times Dispatch
"Each of the talented performers does an excellent job bringing to life the short scenarios that are touching and wonderfully written. . .It is very funny and very human. That is where the joy in Mr. Fulghum's writing is found--in his humanity. All the monologues are true to life and remind the audience of the meaning that can be found in the simplest of life's daily grind."
-The Richmond (VA) State
"There are moments of real poignancy in the piece, as evidenced by the moist eyes of many in the audience--especially at the end of Act I. For those willing to surrender for two hours their protective veneer of sophistication, Kindergarten will reacquaint many with the basic verities of life that we learned, then shelved, in childhood. The guilt-free reminders here are moving and entertaining."
-The Daily News-Record, Richmond VA
"Missouri Rep has a hit on its hands with All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten."
-The Kansas City (MO) Star"
Fulghum has made it no secret that a sense of humor can go a long way toward righting a wrong or putting the past in perspective. He embraces that thought in this play, which is as entertaining as it is instructional. Given the relative ease with which Kindergarten can be produced, I suspect this is but the first of many productions we'll see."
-Tribune Newspapers, Phoenix AZ
"Cynics beware! Phoenix Theater has booked a show as irrepressible as an untrained puppy. And like a puppy, this entertainment promises to knock you over and bathe your face with wet kisses, these of homespun wisdom. It will make you giggle with delight...this entertainment benefits from a sassy, lighthearted staging that is both inventive and swift."
-Marshall Mason, The New Times, Phoenix AZ
"This world premiere production is heartwarming, charming, funny and touching. The stories are about all of us, our hopes and fears and the things we would all really like to do."
-WVTF National Public Radio, Roanoke VA
"Robert Fulghum's best-sellers are a prose world all their own, defying conventional genres and criticism. His cozy sermonettes are cushioned by wide-reaching common sense and cuddly neighborliness; his anecdotes round off with an emotional tug that's the equivalent of an O. Henry plot twist.....a heart warming, lighter-than-air holiday show. An Act One childhood memory about cleaning the gunk from the kitchen sink strainer is the perfect setup for a Fulghum homily on life's messiness. Also effective is a memoir of an early job, wherein a whiny, younger Fulghum is rightfully upbraided by a survivor of Auschwitz. Fulghum and company hit stride with the funnier bits, including a hilarious yarn about an elegant wedding undone by the bride's mid-walk vomiting. Sometimes Fulghum goes sentimental, offering one too many of his refreshing rhapsodies on long marriages. But he can be profound, too, marveling about an anonymous tombstone shaped like a bench, or quoting a 13th Century mystic. Without self-righteousness, he lionizes grandfatherhood, fidelity, and humility."
-Chicago (IL) Tribune
"Four actors bring "geek dancing" and some twenty other Fulghum essays to life during an evening of entertainment that is always gentle, often funny and occasionally joyous. Zulia adapted Fulghum's essays with help from the Seattle-based author. The result is a refreshingly intimate combination of theater and storytelling, and old-fashioned art that has recently been enjoying a come back.....Even Fulghum-phobics may find themselves uplifted (and even having fun) during the piece about a man who was a failure at many jobs, but wrote one tune that has brought the world boundless joy....There's nothing flashy about this show except perhaps for the sparks of recognition ignited in the audience when a vignette hits home."
-Chicago (IL) Sun Times"
Kindergarten is mellow and sometimes insightful, always gentle and inoffensive and surprisingly entertaining. I say surprisingly because it is easy to be cynical about this kind of show. ... What counts at the Apple Tree Theater is whether Kindergarten provides a worthwhile evening of entertainment.....The revue gets high marks as a pleasurable and stimulating experience for viewers who give Fulghum's view of life half a chance. Zulia has artfully shaped the material to maximize its folksy and humane flavor. Spectators frequently nudged companions when a line or scene struck a particular spark of personal recognition. I suspect that many people that come to the show to sneer and feel superior to the author, will leave the Apple Tree feeling pretty good about the time they spent in his company."
-Copley News Service, Waukeegan IL
"All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten is a light-hearted, beautifully styled dramatization of Robert Fulghum's writings. The show is done in 24 vignettes and some of them are wonderful...Zulia's resourceful direction turns each vignette into a crisp drama filled with interesting human beings."
-Syracuse (NY) Herald Journal
"Robert Fulghum's writing is new to me. Thanks to Syracuse Stage's All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten, I have discovered a very entertaining voice. It leaps off his books' pages, full-blown into a series of vignettes that range from hilarious, as in "MOTB" (Mother of the Bride), to poignant, as in "The Bench". Appropriately, Kindergarten plays amid a blackboard and school room chairs. It's simple and effective like the direction of Ernest Zulia, who adapted the work."
-Syracuse (NY) Post Standard
"Robert Fulghum is an author with uncommon thoughts on common things. He's recorded his ideas in a blockbuster book called All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten, to the tune of six million copies. Now it's being brought to the stage with much the same impact thanks to the Merrimack Repertory Theater. This warm and sensitive stage adaptation is enough to impound your spirits, warm the chill of a cold heart, and reactivate the thought process. There are 20 simple yarns on which to contemplate with sophisticated concepts. The stories are about us all--our hopes and fears, our joy and sorrow, and the things we would really like to do in life."
-Haverhill (MA) Gazette
"The play turns 20 of Fulghum's home-spun tales into heart-warming vignettes that will make you laugh, make you smile and make you think "Ah, I wish so-and-so were here to see that one"...The play talks about love, going for our dreams, laughing at ourselves, the wisdom of spiders, and even the meaning of life. At the end of the play, Fulghum asks the question, "What is the meaning of life?". Being the cynical audience that we are, we do not expect an answer, but he shows us anyway: it is to reflect light into places of darkness. On this wintry day, I'll say that Merrimack Theater has done just that."
-Bolton (MA) Common
"Remember kindergarten, when everything was new? The hours hop-scotched by as you learned skills by working at playing and playing at working. At its best, the stage adaptation of Robert Fulghum's enormously successful collection of homilies, All I Really Need To Know I Learned InKindergarten, shares the inspiration and the fleetness of those well-spent days... The evening ends with one answer to the question, "What is the meaning of life?". It's given by an adult in an adult setting--an institute for reconciliation between Greeks and Germans scarred by World War II--and is very moving."
-The Boston (MA) Globe
All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten is not a run-of-the-mill theater production. It takes a meaningful book and presents it in a human, funny, introspective and touching way. Fulghum's books were written to touch all aspects of emotion, and lose absolutely nothing in Ernest Zulia's brilliant adaptation to the stage. Here is a performance for everyone, equally enjoyable for a family, a couple or an individual. It produces laughter, smiles and tears, as the audience sees themselves or people they know in real-life situations presented on stage."
-Portsmouth (NH) Herald
"If you are among the l4 million people worldwide who have been enthralled and uplifted by Robert Fulghum's writings, now is the opportunity to experience the irresistible charm and wit of All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten...Director Ernest Zulia created this captivating show that transformed each of Fulghum's stories into a crisp mini-drama with four actors playing multiple roles. The presentation is simple and quite effective without the usual glitz and razzle-dazzle that plague most, if not all musicals nowadays...As the play began to unfold, the captivated audience nodded, smiled, cried and nudged one another as they recognized familiar scenes that seem to have been taken out of their own story. All I Really Need To Know I LearnedIn Kindergarten is a gem of a show rarely seen in Manila."
-The Philippine Star, Manila Philippines
Transpositions and Orchestrations for Kindergarten
Kindergarten is very adaptable; it is possible for a wide variety of singers to perform the songs. We've discovered that it's often necessary to transpose the songs, to show off the singers to their best advantage. We have the complete score saved on a disk, and are happy to send you any transposition you need, for $25.00 per song.
There is a five-piece orchestration (piano, synthesizer, percussion, guitar and reeds [flute/clarinet/alto sax]) available for Kindergarten, for $150.00 per production.
To order transpositions or orchestrations, e-mail us: dcaldwellny@earthlink.net.
Kindergarten updates
"Larry Walters": the line "He grinned from ear to ear, and said..." is cut; then, the actor playing Larrydelivers his first three "Yes"s deadpan, followed by a giddy, off-the-charts "Oh, yes!" which dissolvesinto delirious laughter as he exits.
"Charles Boyer": the slide of Boyer stays lit until the end; after Ed's final line, he turns to the slide andgives Boyer an affectionate little salute.
"The Stuff In The Sink": the music director repeats m. 27, to leave a little extra room for audience reactionto the "Dinner dandruff" line. At m. 89, Branislav reveals an oversized flash-card which says "ORDURE" on one side and "DISGUSTING MESS" on the other (this really helps the audience get the joke, which otherwise flies by too quickly).
"The Bench" and "Reflect The Light": these two pieces have been very effective when performed by the sameactress.
"Uh-oh": the rhythm choruses in this song have proven to be daunting for inexperienced singers. It is possibleto perform the four-person version, or even a three-person version of your own arranging, having less-experienced singers double more-experienced ones. If you have fewer than three solid singers, it is probably best to omit thesong.If your music director conducts the rhythm choruses, and if the piano is off in the wings, here is a way to cover transitions to and from the piano: after the word "Yuck!" (m. 11), the conductor rushes off to the piano; the singers repeat m. 12 several times, panicked because they've lost their leader. When the accompaniment starts, their attitude changes to relief. In mm. 85-92, the accompaniment fades out in four measures instead of eight, and the singersbecome uneasy again. The conductor rushes out to his/her position by the "Ha!" in m. 93, to the relief of thesingers.
"Yes": this song can also work as a trio, eliminating Kathleen. In the sections of the song where the performers sing about their childhoods, one production made extensive use of real slides of the actors as children; it truly brought the song alive.
"A Tomb With A View": this song can also work well for the character of Branislav, if he is mature. The line"What an odd shopping experience" can be replaced with "They were running a special," particularly if the actordoes seem a little young to be buying a cemetery plot. At the line which starts "Recently I noticed two gravestonespresent near my own, marked...," it is effective to speak "Jacob Grimm and Edith Pleasant," instead of singing"Grimm and Pleasant."
Uh-oh, Here Comes Christmas
Throughout the development process of All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten, many producers who have had successful productions of the show have encouraged us to develop a Fulghum holiday piece. So we've done it. Uh-Oh, Here Comes Christmas uses the same two-act revue format as Kindergarten, and incorporates 16 funny and touching stories related to the holidays, as well as four original songs (and many familiar holiday tunes). It is written for the same cast as Kindergarten, and, like its older sibling, benefits from a simple production approach.
Uh-Oh takes a funny, heartwarming and often poignant look at the struggle to find the spirit of the holidays amid the avalanche of commercialism, stress and chaos that crashes down every December. Among the many delightful stories is one about a small immigrant child who comes trick-or-treating in a cheap Santa mask a few days before Christmas, inadvertently delivering the true meaning of the season to a grownup with a serious case of "Scroogitis"; hilarious musings about a love/hate relationship with the vibrant poinsettia that arrives in most homes every December and hangs on and on and on, long after the holidays have ended; and a beautiful, deeply moving tribute to the winter solstice, celebrating nature's precious annual gift of rebirth.
We workshopped Uh-Oh at the Phoenix Theater, in Phoenix Arizona in August 1998 (in 115-degree heat?! A Christmas show?!), and then mounted its premiere at Mill Mountain Theater that December. A year later we returned to the Phoenix Theater for a full main stage production. We are grateful to both theaters, who joined forces to provide a creative environment in which to develop this new show. So far, Uh-Oh has received standing ovations and extremely enthusiastic audience responses. In many ways, the spirit of Fulghum seems to fall into perfect sync with the spirit of the holidays. The show is now available for professional and amateur productions; inquire at plays@dramaticpublishing.com .
-National Public Radio
"Laugh-out-loud moments mixed with teary ones, and times when even curmudgeons are caught up in warm reminiscence."
-The Arizona Republic "A delightful vehicle for stirring the Christmas spirit in everyone."
- The Roanoke Times
"FOUR STARS **** It's wonderfully simple, and that's what makes it work. The play presents situations we can all relate to, from the sadistic yearly Christmas pageant, to midnight feeding frenzies on leftover holiday grub, and the tedious survival instincts of the poinsettia that just won't die."
-Indianapolis Nuvo Weekly
"Robert Fulghum's stories withstand the test of time. He is the Will Rogers or mark Twain of our day."
-Good Morning America