Eulogy from the Friends from Briarcliffe Ave., given by Brenda Bax at the Cincinnati memorial service on 14 August 1999:

In Loving Memory of Bruce Perry

I feel like we’ve known Bruce for a lifetime, though it has only been 5 years. My husband Jim and I and our one-year old moved to Briarcliffe Ave. in Cinncinnati in 1994. Bruce and Lisa were the first of many wonderful neighbors we met there. Throughout that first week of our move we saw Bruce and Lisa on and off – mostly out on the sidewalk with the Drew on his three wheeler cruising the neighborhood. By the end of the week we felt so comfortable with Bruce and Lisa that we took them up on an offer – they wanted to give us their tickets to the Reds game AND they offered to watch Erin for the day (the Reds were winning at the time – so we knew we were getting the best end of that deal!!). We did not know a soul in Cincinnati, and we didn’t have any family within 300 miles. You might think we were crazy to let our young child stay with near strangers – but you had to know Bruce and the environment he and Lisa created in their home. Erin had the best day!! Bruce made a meticulous lunch with little cheese sandwiches cut into fun triangles, apples cut into slices and little fruit juice boxes for drinks. It was the start of a wonderful friendship!!

Like everyone here we were thrown off course in a big way when we heard about Bruce’s accident. Here a week and a half later, the aching hasn’t stopped and I think it will be a long while before the knot in my stomach goes away. When our friends gather, there will be an empty place in our conversation…..in the relationships. I feel lucky to have spent the last week and a half out in Washington getting to know Bruce’s family and friends better. Seeing the breathtaking views in the place where Bruce grew up! You can walk out on the Perry’s back deck and see the beautiful waters of the Sound meeting the lavish green pines in the mountains……. We now know why Bruce loved that place!

This time with Bruce’s family, friends and hometown have helped me, and I believe I am ready to start thinking about Bruce in a different way. In a way that reflects on the impressions he left with us and celebrates what he has left for us.

On our way back to the airport from Bruce’s home, we stopped the bus by Dash Point State Park. (We had a bus because so many of us wanted to fly out to be with Bruce’s family. If you don’t believe me just ask Carla or Jodi – I was the chauffeur, and if I do say so myself I did a pretty good job of navigating that huge thing in a city I had never seen before!).

The tide was low at the park. There was no one on the beach. It was very quiet. There was a small mountain stream making its way down the mountains and hillside, rippling around the big rocks down to Puget Sound. This mountain stream reminds me of Bruce….

That mountain stream was crystal clear….

Kind of Like Bruce in that he was at ease with himself, comfortable with who he was – it was clear that he never expected anything from his friends other that to be themselves.

That mountain stream was persistent and patient….

Despite the rocks and boulders, it makes its way down the beach to the blue waters of Puget Sound. Bruce was persistent and patient. There are things that Bruce believed in, and when he made up his mind, he was persistent in seeing them through. He recently laid the most incredible patio of pavers at his home in Wyoming, OH – NOT an easy job! The tedious work of leveling the sand to lay the pavers, cutting the pavers just right. It took him a month! But Bruce was persistent. Bruce was patient. That patio is gorgeous – subtle, understated, simple, but gorgeous…for all of us to remember him by.

That mountain stream was actually very quiet and calm ….

It was not a roaring, raging river. Instead it was a modest stream, rippling out to the larger Sound. Bruce was quiet and calm. One time Erin and Drew just DESTROYED Drew’s room, even dumping a bucket of water on the floor. Bruce called Jim in a calm voice and said, "Jim could you come and get Erin – she needs to go home now." Jim replied, "What was wrong?" "They made a terrible mess." "Let me help clean it up." "No, Drew is going to clean it." "Can I see it?" "No, I believe it would be best for you both to just go home." Bruce showed great calm and patience.

Now up on that mountain-side, that stream likely has a "raging" episode or two. In fact, I know that to be true because just last week Lisa confessed to us that in the last 5 years, Bruce did give one little spanking to Erin…but if you knew Erin and Drew and their friend Andrew…the Three Musketeers – you knew they probably had it coming.

That mountain stream was complex....

It broke out of the woods, split into about 6 different smaller streams and then converged and diverged again several times before it joined the waters of the Sound. Bruce was incredibly complex. He explored a wide range of interests and his pursuit of his interests were stronger than most people’s: theater, photography, poetry, new age music, culinary arts, his work at P&G (testing his own products when sometimes it was not easy to do), his kids, hiking, camping, spelunking, and something about bow ties?????(gotta ask Lisa about that one!). Bruce was a complex and very interesting person.

That mountain stream was reaching out to help the fertile life around it – the trees and ferns, the marine life in the Sound. Bruce’s most notable attribute was his reaching out to others, his selflessness....

Bruce was forever thinking of others before himself. Bruce had a genuine interest in people. Always inquiring about friends, listening, and you knew he was listening because he got into your conversation.

At one point we were asking Bruce about his parents. Once you asked him something and he was comfortable with you, he’d share. I remember him saying how in a way he was so proud of being an engineer like his dad. How much he loved Washington. How much he cared about his mom and dad. In fact, Bruce is an excellent reflection of the selflessness of his family. We were out at the services last week, and while we were all hurting terribly with grief – no one could have been hurting more than Bruce’s mother and father. And here they were, taking extra care to open up their home, to make sure we were comfortable wherever we went, taking care of us for the 4 days. That amazing "selfless" Perry gene!! Reaching out to help other like that mountain stream in Dash Point.

While reflecting on mountain stream reminds me of Bruce… Bruce’s family, Lisa and the boys, remind me of Bruce. THEY are certainly a reflection of the great things Bruce has left for us!

While he and Lisa were unique and interesting individuals, as a couple they were fun…caring...loving...thoughtful…sometimes a little crazy…but always wonderful to be with. Bruce’s calm, steady approach was a perfect balance for Lisa’s fervor for life and excitement. When we relocated to St. Louis 3 weeks ago, Lisa instigated a going away party for us. Her strengths were to generate excitement, stir up our friends, play a few tricks on us…. Bruce’s contribution was to make sure the details were taking care of (did people find places to park their cars, was the ribbing that Lisa gave Jim not TOO out of line…). It was a great evening!! A great memory of Bruce!! We’ll forever see a reflection of Bruce in Lisa’s friendship.

The boys are mirror images of Bruce! Bruce’s childhood friend Corey said that Drew looks just like Bruce did as a child. This reflection of Bruce doesn’t stop with looks. I remember that last gathering we had with Bruce and Lisa. Drew and the other Drew were playing (this is Andrew, Jodi and Kevin’s son, the third Musketeer of the Three Musketeers -- Drew Perry, Drew Vance and Erin). The Drews were playing football and other "boy" games and Erin was feeling left out. Bruce called to Drew, "Two minutes and you guys need to play a game that all three of you like!" Drew’s response was "okay dad!" with a smile – a reflection of Bruce.

Scottie’s smile is Bruce made over!! What a joy to be around! In his dad’s own words, "Scottie is on a constant endorphin rush!" When we see Scottie, we’ll see a reflection of Bruce.

And baby Eric – he looks a lot like Bruce in his own way – and whether he realizes it or not…the schedule and routine he will need will put some of Bruce’s steady, methodical approach into their family’s life.

Janice and Glenn: Thank you for giving us Bruce. We are lucky to have had him in our lives.

Lisa: Thank you for sharing Bruce with us.