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Early Christmas morning, Father walked down the escarpment and into the cliffside. Underneath the Christmas tree were hundreds
of maggots.
"Oh no," Father said. "I've forgotten to assemble the present for little Xerxes." That gift, a lovely
mannequin festooned with blood vessels in a shipping crate, was a challenge. "I must insert wing nuts into the navel,"
Father said, "and use my Alvin wench to make sure the screws are tight. I wouldn't want to declaw it!"
Soon the whole family was gathered. Zenobia said, "It looks like a pony stepped on my slinky!" And the whole
family laughed.
The biggest surprise was what Mother gave Father. It was a brightly colored dildo, with a long, straight razor strap
and a vibrating ring tone.
"Just in time for hockey season," said Father, strapping on the breastplate and pretending to be Joan of Arc.
"I shall integrate the gospel choir," he said.
After a big dinner of boiled raisons and roasted eggshells, the whole family sat down to play a game of Slap the Lapp.
After the game, everyone gathered around a diorama of the baby Manson, surrounded by sheep and chainsaws, with the three
wise stooges in the background.
Little Xena sat on the edge of the butter knife. "Merry Christmas to all," came the happy refrain. "And
to all a good riddance."
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