|
tuesday, december 30, 2003
The word fat...
How I came to accept the word fat in my life. Growing up I
wasn't a thin child by any means -- I always had "sweet little fat legs"...till this day I don't truly understand this statement but that was what I was always
told. I guess it has something to do with the fact that I am short and I have big legs, but why are they sweet -- Any
who, I am getting off track. Growing up I wasn't thin and I wasn't fat -- I guess some would call it chunky. Who
knows I was just solid. I gained a little weight in high school, but I could shop in any store and at the time I was
in the same weight range as most of the girls my age, only I had the biggest bosom. Image Star Jones breast on a 15-year-old
child. I guess that made me appear bigger than I was -- Very heavy on the top, small waist, no booty and sweet little
fat legs. This body got me some unnecessary comments from some truly gross boys and men.
Upon arrival to college my weight started to come -- I will admit that I have issues with food.
I love food, like everyone should but it does comfort me when times are hard more than it should. It is a battle
that I work everyday to overcome. But my first-year in college was hard - learning disability diagnosed, horrific college
roommate and feeling truly out of place among the elite (intellect and wealth). So food became my friend, my very best friend and 80 pounds came. And about
20 more in my sophomore year and then I stayed at this weight for about four years and starting truly losing weight this year.
During the time of my heavier days I was called fat by many and I learned to accept the word with glee, just like the word
bitch - woof, woof!!! Now I will be honest bitch took a lot longer to accept because that has childhood scars attached
to it, but that's another posting.
The name calling and/or to have others view me better was not the main factor for my losing
weight...I have that toothy grin - so folks always stopped to comment on that and the bosom!!! It was my health in the
end that really got me working hard and some days not so hard. Not a desire to be this perfect "thin" woman because
there is no such thing. And regardless what size I will be, I will always have big legs and a smaller waist - so I won't
be able to wear just anything and supposedly look great. In the end I will always be the smart woman with wit and sweet
little fat legs!!!
On a side note, in regards to the post "compliments" - I was deemed the smart one growing up because I always had my head in a book of some sort, I studied like crazy
and would rather be with a book than a person. My sister was deemed the pretty one because she could care less
about anything academic - she was more beauty conscious. She had to have the best clothes, the coolest hair, the greatest make-up, the coolest friends
and to top it all off she is unnaturally gorgeous.
monday, december 29, 2003
Aaron are you in my head???
Well, if Aaron would like God to answer for Paul Wolfowitz, please
God could you answer for me, about the ears on that man??? I take that back, because I am just being mean.
sunday, december 28, 2003
Chef I am...
There are the rare occasions when I will jump totally outside my box to the other side of the world and
venture into chefdom. Chef I am -- there were oysters left over from our holiday feasting and I stared them down and
made it my mission to eat them. Now understand folks, I have never opened an oyster in my life, but I was going to enjoy
these suckers even if it meant going to the hospital with a deep flesh wound from the oyster open-thingy. I washed,
I scrubbed and I began. Oyster against hand, oyster open-thingy in other hand I stabbed, I probed, I grunted, I opened.
Yes folks I did it!!! I got them opened and I ate like a glorious queen. The oysters were all so wonderful and even
better because I did it on my own. Well oysters behind me I went on to the calms that were there as well. These
suckers are trickier, so I
steamed them in a bed of water, butter, garlic, salt and some olive oil. They rattled and opened and I removed them
from their casings and immediately placed them for a quick pan fry in garlic and butter. I placed the first one
in my mouth and bit --- Totally disgusting, I forgot calms are rubbery and that for me equals not so tasty.
But, I tried another one -- same nasty consistency. I needed to stop and joyfully cleaned the kitchen and decided not
to subject my poor family pet to these leftovers even though he was begging for them...his stomach would thank me later for
the save. After all said and I done I realized - chef I am - I can see food and find a way to cook it!!!
saturday, december 27, 2003
Digital Camera Bliss...
I got one...now it is old but new at the same time. It is
old because it is on the Product Archive list of Canon, but new because no one has really used it. Here I was at Henderson
Hall (a Marine Exchange) not only ogling the electronic goods but a few Marines as well. I spy the Clearance rack...on
the rack I stop a digital camera/printer pack. I know the camera isn't going to be fancy, but I look at it anyway.
I pick it up, go through the box and look at the specs and I am drawn to it, I need it, I want it - but price is the
issue. How much would this overly heavy camera and oh so cute printer be. Only $104.00 after the markdown.
Ummm, decision made super easy, the sucker is mine!!! I finally have a digital camera -- the PowerShot A10!!! Now my new digital camera isn't as slick as the PowerShot SD100, but it will do for now and my digital camera ignorance. As for the printer, it as well isn't like its fancier successor
the Canon CP-300 but I am happy none the same with my Canon CP-10. Now don't fret if you wanted to buy the fancier Canon items for me through my Amazon WishList, no bother - but there are many other items you can get for me. So start shopping, I except gifts year-round!!!
friday, december 26, 2003
The Melting Pot...
My glorious friend YR introduced me to The Melting Pot (TMP) this evening. Let me state I can not go to this restaurant with just anyone due to my germ issues...you have
them, I have them, I don't want yours– its fondue folks, which equates to sharing germs. Anywho, since I trust YR going to TMP was cool.
The food was great and I allowed myself to semi-gorge on chocolate and I didn't feel bad because fruit was involved.
Overall the experience was great but I got full way to quickly. Getting full - I guess it has to do with the fact that
we cook our own food so there is a lot of waiting. I wait and wait and I get less and less hungry. I
guess this is great for the losing weight factor but I wanted to eat more because everything was soooo good, but damnit I
couldn't. Thanks YR for the introduction...we will have to go again, but for dessert only the next time -- then back
to the full meal stuff.
Holiday Glory...
The holiday is over and my household can go back to being the heathens
that we truly are. We laughed, we exchanged, we pretended...in the end it was all good. We all received something
we wanted. I received a few items off my wish list and was promised a big ticket item for my upcoming birthday. Probably something from Na Hoku's Hawaiian slipper line (Woo Hoo - I hate to admit it but I do like jewelry). If I am lucky and real good maybe a digital
camera...but that's a lot of fakeness between now and then - well see if I can hold out. Overall, I was glad I was here
and I am preparing for my family fun but on the even crazier paternal family side in Hotlanta next week. Whether good
or bad, I will end my holiday time in Marblehill, GA at a golf resort trying to get my Michelle Wie and/or Tiger Woods on!!!
tuesday, december 23, 2003
Motivated...pity me!!!
As promised I would explain later how the power of the written word
has motivated others. On Monday I wrote about my lack of male friends here in the DC area and how I miss this aspect of my life. Well lo and behold
old male heads pop up and call to tell me I would find some "new guys to torture and go sinning with" -- Which I know is very
true, but it won't be so easy this time around, because I don't work with any guys (except one) I would want to willingly
hang around with outside of my office. So the challenge is on...male friends - get them!!! If you want to help
me in my quest I could also use some material encouragement.
Battle of the Bulge...
At the beginning of the year my doctor reinforced my need to lose
weight. I unlike some truly need to lose weight because my weight was heightening the negative affects of my medical
condition. I didn't really stick to the plan they (all of my hateful doctors) gave me. My weight loss was slow...but
my doctors kept their mouth shut until now. Basically, my doctor got a little angry and told me to get my ass on the
ball and hit my target weight by July (which is very possible) or my medical problem will be irreversible. Now, one
would think this may scare me but I feel crappy most days and I have lost some weight and I still don't feel better -- so
in the end at this perfect weight will I feel better...I don't know but I guess I should try and see.
Overall, it is hard for me to lose weight because I don't like to
eat breakfast and I hate lunch. I don't really enjoy eating until around 3 PM. Which basically makes significant
body changes close to impossible. I don't mind working out
but I am not consistent in my workout because my mind at times (many times) can be so one-tracked. If I am at work
I don't want to break away from the project at hand to go and work out. And after work my mind is so tired that my body
doesn't want to move - but in the end I do go and workout (just not on a set schedule). Regardless of all the above
excuses and complaining I have lost some weight, not as much as I needed to by this point - but weight has been lost.
I'm two sizes smaller on the bottom and three sizes smaller on the top. I have some definition in my abs from all of those damn crunches and I have a BOOTY!!!
Yes, folks I have a BOOTY!!! To explain, I was the rare breed of Black fat woman with no booty. There will be
those who disagree with my statement, but I have seen my ass without clothes on and I had no BOOTY. I had an ass that
had a very small hump but no Beyonce or Janet Jackson BOOTY. No I had a mass of flatness that folks called a booty,
but it wasn't a BOOTY. I now have a BOOTY, to the point my parental unit with ample BOOTY commented "What you trying
to show the Smith in you?" To explain, the Smith side of the family are blessed with the BOOTY - the Barber side
of the family is not, we are known across the land of being Black women with White girl butts.
Any who, I am going to get on the ball and hit target by July 2004 - or I will have to suffer
the wrath of my doctors.
Hopefully, the power of the written word will be enough to motivate, it motivated others - I will explain later...
monday, december 22, 2003
Compliments...
Today has been a day of compliments. Me giving them out, as
well as, me getting some from others. But, I will admit taking compliments has always been hard, especially ones concerning my looks.
I grew up being told that I needed and was to be smart and that is what I became - so I got deemed the "smart one" however,
my sister was always told that she was so pretty, so beautiful, hence why she was deemed the "pretty one" - Our families,
felt I would make it with my mind and her with her looks (great way to raise kids - right??? But, they learned the error
of their ways...well, some of them did.) Now, as an adult if someone tells me I am attractive, I look at them like they
have two heads. Who cares if I am or if I am not, just tell me I am damn smart and knee-slapping funny.
So when a childhood friend came to visit this past weekend and told
me "When I first saw you, you put me on the ropes." After being confused by his statement and asked him to explain, he
stated "Your beautiful." (I did look at him like he had two heads.) However he didn't stop with the compliment,
the conversation went further
because he didn't understand why one, I wasn't dating someone and two, why my dating experience is so limited.
All I can say is I am picky. I may not have the best self-esteem at times, but I feel like I am worth something and
I shouldn't just accept and expect trash in my relations with men because of my past demons. So this feeling of worth
has made me weary of those I choose to spend time with, hence my limited dating past and non-existent dating present.
However, none of the aforementioned
means I won't ever date, I just choose to be slower than the norm. And I am super okay with it.
However, what I am not okay with, is my lack of males friends
since leaving Boston, more so since leaving my first real job. NG, FP and MR you guys are so missed - I know you now
have wives, kids and live-ins who don't like you talking for long hours on the phone and random e-mailing with past female
friends, so I understand the distance, but I miss you guys and hope I can get some new guy friends soon. AS, if you
move here - it is on!!!
Server back up...
Well my server is back up...which I am super happy about.
While it was down I decided to make many changes. So forgive how awkard it may look over the next couple of days, but
it will get better...I hope!!!
|
 |
2005.07.01
2005.05.01
2005.04.01
2005.03.01
2005.02.01
2005.01.01
2004.11.01
2004.10.01
2004.09.01
2004.08.01
2004.07.01
2004.06.01
2004.05.01
2004.04.01
2004.03.01
2004.02.01
2004.01.01
2003.12.01
2003.12.14
2003.12.07
2003.11.30
2003.11.23
2003.11.16
2003.11.09
2003.11.02
2003.10.26
2003.10.19
2003.10.12
2003.10.05
2003.09.28
2003.09.21
2003.09.14
2003.09.07
2003.08.31
2003.08.24
2003.08.17
2003.08.10
2003.08.03
2003.07.20
2003.07.13
2003.07.06
2003.06.29
2003.06.22
2003.06.15
2003.06.08
2003.06.01
|
