miss tj's blog -- chronicles of a fat girl

chronicles of a fat girl named miss t.j.

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Welcome to the chronicles of a fat girl named miss t.j. You are now privy to the online musings of this happy, fat, black chick with SASSY hair. So, sit back and enjoy the crap that I am about to dish out!!!

My life is crazy – I work non-stop (I am working now in my hot-ass office…it’s hot because they turned off the A/C at 1 PM, oh and by the way it is Saturday and I have been here since 10 AM) and I barely have it in me to properly harass my friends.

Check this out, I go dinner and the movie “Once Upon a Time in Mexico” with my “I will make the cake” but not really -- friend “Francis.” The movie was a blast and the pre-movie gorging was cheap ($25.21) and quite wonderful…thank God for Crystal City Sports Pub half-off appetizers Monday-Friday from 4 PM to 7 PM. This entire evening I was given grand, prime opportunities to really give it to her, like the normal well slept Miss T.J. would – but my ass was way too tired.!!!

Look at two of my grand, prime opps that I didn’t truly get the digs in:

We order so much food the waiter and owner openly made comments that we desperately needed a bigger table. Other folks probably would’ve said something, but you don’t wanna mess with women on a mission to eat their way through the menu. During our eat-fest “Francis” ordered a small container of melted butter to dip her broiled seafood into. Our waitress Darcy brought “Francis” an actual BOWL of melted butter and “Francis” was oh soooo very happy and I “swear” there wasn’t much butter left when we parted the Pub.
During the movie “Francis” just had to talk to the screen and have a laughing fit that I was sure going to put her in the hospital…I know this caused the non-pigmentally challenged individuals to want to make the comment “See (point to white girl with blond hair and blue eyes) and they say Black folks talk during movies!!!” – I know they wanted to make the comment because as a non-pigmentally challenged individual I was thinking the same thing.

Overall points of this ramble – I need to get more sleep, try and work fewer hours, improve my grammar and white folks talk during movies too!!!

On a side note, I did have a slightly dramatic moment last night. We returned to the car and were greeted by the smell of old coochie (I unfortunately know what this smells like – and it is NOT from my body, I am happy to say). The Cajun catfish I ordered and wasn’t able to finished from our earlier eat-fest at the Pub turned my car into Hell. It was so horrible I had to pull my car over next to a dumpster and dump the food out. Mind you I don’t throw away good food and the situation wasn’t helped by another “Francis” laughing fit, which also included a body-rock, tears, and screams of “You are so dramatic!!!”

Good Lawd!!! How have I been living without listening to NPR and watching music videos over the last six months? I now understand all the juicy goodness that I have been missing. Yesterday was a rough day from beginning to end, so I decided to alter my daily routine and mix it up a little. Instead of listening to my current CD changer rotation, which includes Jay-Z, Biggie, Jaguar Wright, Nikka Costa, Journey, Craig David and Incubus, I turned to NPR. NPR was then listened throughout the day at work and again on the ride home. Oh, the ears were pleased. But, not as pleased as my eyes when I decided to veg in front of the idiot box and take in some music videos. Yeah, yeah baby my current love of big booty girls was truly satisfied as I spied the new Outkast video (Big Boy’s one). That girl had one BIG OH AWESOME BOOTY…my booty was quite jealous.

You are correct; I can finally admit that I know absolutely nothing!!! Yep, I shouldn’t bother to wake up and come to work anymore…I have sloth tendencies. These tendencies are evident because I wake my ass up at the butt crack of dawn and traipse into work for 12 plus hours each workday and some weekends. But, no you are right I know nothing and you know all. I know nothing while my ass barely has time to slack off and really work on my blog during my workday while you sit and order junk for your kid during your 6-hour should be 8-hour workday, while mind you I do YOUR work. I mean you only make like 20,000 dollars more than me, so I shouldn’t feel bad correcting your briefs, agreements and/or amendments (while I should be doing my job which is RESEARCH). Wait, I can’t possibly not know anything because lately I have been getting assigned all friggin' your work. This should NOT be the DAY for me to be venting over this…no I have more important things I should be remembering. But, instead of having a day to just sit and do my work, while I reflect to the sounds of Beethoven on NPR I get interrupted by someone who is not my supervisor but my coworker who felt the need to yell at me for 30 minutes for rightfully correcting their jacked up work.

My office is the same temperature as my heart…COLD!!! Man it is freezing in this place. No matter how many jackets I put on I can’t seem to get warm. I am starting to wondering if my cold heart is turning my blood to ice.

I learned last night in my dogs' puppy class that the German Shepard breed is a nervous breed and can be prone to attack due to that nervousness. I wonder if I have any German Shepard breed in me?

In my quest to lose weight I try to frequent the gym as much as possible. And since I couldn’t sleep this morning I went to the gym before work and ran into the “great rack lady” – I was quite nervous she was going to say something...just as she was about to open her mouth my German Shepard behavior emerged and I cut her off and stated “Listen, ma’am I don’t know you and you don’t know me. I will not sit and/or stand by and let you degrade me any longer. I don’t know what your problem is with me and truthfully I don’t really care. Just keep your snide comments to yourself. IF you feel the need to apologize – Don’t! From now on when I see you I will go my way and you go yours!” and then I walked away about to urinate on myself. The “great rack lady” tried to say something but I blocked her out. I mean I can handle myself but the lady is in the military and quite buff. I think if we were in a fight she would definitely win but I wouldn’t make it easy for her. I think I could handle myself well for about 3 minutes and after that I would just be fighting on pure adrenaline and acting real stupid.

Today my German Shepard puppy dog named Macon is 4 months old. He weighs about 40 pounds and he has the biggest paws known to man. He is quite clumsy because he can't handle his weight yet so I guess he is just like his owners who are quite "spastic." But we love Macon like crazy and if I am lucky I will be able to drain his goofy butt.

I am still trying to be a good person but it becomes very hard when someone tempts you with CakeLove cupcakes. The cupcakes were so good...I ate all four of them like they were itty-bitty cupcakes. I am so sick. Don't folks know that my weakness is food? However, my goodness WILL prevail and I WILL NOT be a bad person - I won't be a bad person...I can't be or can I???

Today has been one of those days when I want to put all my morals aside and do the wrong thing because it might lead to me having some extra fun for once. However, I have a heart and a good heart at that, so I must follow my gut and say no, when all I really want to do is say yes. Trust me I really want to say yes, but saying yes would be wrong. Man it sucks being a semi-descent person.

I live near a horseracing track and on most nights you can very clearly hear the races in entirety. When growing up I would call over to my cousin’s house that is a five minute walk away and tell them who was in the lead and they in return would describe where on the track the lead horse was. It was so cool, I could hear the race from my house and they could see the race from their house...it was like being at the track in our young minds (so, damn sinful). But, never did we venture over to the horseracing track as adults to see and hear a race at the same time. Before the end of the year I am going to see the ponies and place a couple of bets while I am at it.

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