Subject: More updates

Date: 22 Apr 94

From: Uncle Terry, 73060,2661

Hello again from the land of hard bread and closed shops. Well, the Men's team played the Frogs, and after the game, Mr. Carbo (hero, god, and all-around great guy) suggested we return third seed. But when it was suggested to the officials, they figured we were trying to pull something, so they refused to cooperate, and the Men remained third seed.

Yes, the Yanks somehow failed to defeat the beloved grenouille. They did do better than any of our other teams, but only came out with a tie. If you see film of the game, you may be confused, as the French fans were screaming ecstatically, and the American fans were looking quite disappointed. Perhaps it was the feeling that, as Dougie Roth said, "a tie is like kissing a toad".

The Women again played the Frog Femmes, a much closer game, but still were defeated. So of the 5 games in which US teams played the host froggies, we recorded 0 victories. Good thing these are the World Championships, not the French Championships. Nonetheless, the Norte Americano Men are exactly where they want to be. This of course has upset the Aussies mightily. Seems the Frog planners, in their infinite wisdom, set the playoffs up so that 3rd seed has the easiest route to the finals. Presumably they expected to be in said third position rather than fifth. They even have the second seed playing one more game in the playoffs than anyone else. Guess who is second seed.

Of course, anyone familiar with our American Hero Fearless Leader Capitan, Kimball Banks, knows he is the most knowledgeable playoff position strategist in the Free World; even if the playoff chart looks like a Chutes & Ladders board. When the Australian captain spoke to our hero about this oddity, the reply included mention of the fact that the US was ahead of Australia by 2 points, and had just blocked a penalty shot (more on the free leg later), and only after showing clear control of the game, did the Americans cause the Aussies to blow their chance for the desirable 3rd seed by going ahead to victory in the game. As Mr. Banks said, "We were ahead, and now we're where we want to be", thus generating yet another Aussie protest.

Ah yes, the protests. Oncle Terry has promised the US Men's Team a round if they can accumulate 4 separate protests against them (note: the protests cost 250 Froggers each to lodge), and substantial progress had been made in this direction. First the Kiwis protested claiming that the Americans played too roughly. One was heard to say that our boys were the roughest team they had ever played. But that was before they played the Dutch team, so the protest failed. Next the Aussies bitched that a penalty shot attempt which was bravely stopped by most hallowed Rich Gray should not have been stopped by the referee when the Aussie blocked, then kicked Rich "with his free leg" (quote from official protest document). Apparently it would have been different if he had used his stick leg, so this protest failed. Then the Colombians protested that Baldo had played with the Masters team (yeah, that's it, we brought in a ringer from the Masters!). He hadn't, so the protest failed. Are we detecting a pattern here? Apparently these folks are unaware that in the history of Underwater Hockey World Championships, there has only been one successful protest (obviously a mistake). (Score...1-0; oh, by the way, the American boys are now playing Colombia in the first playoff round. We'll keep you informed.

Where was I? (score...2-0). The Wallabee gang also protested about the playoff schedule, hoping to get it changed by a vote of all the captains, but this was nipped in the bud, so it doesn't count as an official protest, only whining (gnangnan). So that's it for the protests for now.

Our next (score...3-0) mailing will include details of the attempted overthrow of our own No-Wig from the Underwater Hockey Throne, and more updates on the playoffs. (score...4-0).

BTW- special note to Harry Hsiung- you're supposed to be printing these out and taking them to practice. Sue sez so.

Oh, and Pat O'Brien sez hi.

BTBTW, Club Fred sez hi to Kelly, and we miss her (she's much more entertaining than Timmy, and Timmy's much more entertaining with her). In case you lost her address, it's kelly=a=burke%dsl%msdtwk@vines.msd.ray.com