Subject: Aaahh, the Playoffs

Date: 04-May-96 at 01:47

From: Uncle Terry, 73060,2661

As I sit here while the American Masters team prepares for our game against the UK for 3rd place, I suppose it's appropriate to describe some of the happenings of the playoffs, which began Thursday evening. The first entertaining game occurred between the men of France and Holland. The Dutch had been seeded sixth after the round robin and the Froggers had been seeded 3rd, in their attempt to finish higher than Frogth (remember, un, deux, trois, frog!). This was particularly important, since the Froggy players were promised big bucks if they medalled, which they would have to win this game to accomplish. In the second half, the grenouille were ahead 2-0, when the wooden shoe gang decided to play some hockey. Taking a page from the very brief US book, they executed a fine example of a wall game. With little time in regulation, they scored the tying goal. This sent the honking, tooting, screeching Dutch fans wild, enabling them to drown out the banging, Allezing, screeching Frog fans. To further annoy everyone with ears, the teams remained tied through 2 5-minute overtime periods, before going into sudden death. They then spent nearly 10 minutes before the Nederlanders decided to end the French children's songs by throwing a couple of defenders out of the water and punching a goal in. At this event, the fans from 10 countries cheered happily. Why doesn't anyone like the French?

Following that marathon game, the chief ref for the game, John McBride, slipped over to the other pool to referee the Masters game between the US and UK. This was not a playoff game, as the Elders were still completing their round robin, obviously a more grueling path to the playoffs than that taken by their younger counterparts. Apparently the overtime game took a lot out of Margaret's boyfriend, as just before the start of the game, he knocked the pipe used to start/stop play into the water, along with himself. Then while striking the pipe to start the game, he lost his grip on the striker, and it flew into the water hitting one of the water refs in the head. Obviously this attempt at comedy affected American play, as the Brits had a 4-0 lead by halftime.

It was time to put things back into perspective. So, after the teams changed sides, two lovely American women's players (Maria & Patty) strolled out to the Brit bench in swimsuits and high heels. They proceeded to deliver shots of fine Kentucky bourbon to the Queen's players and the refs. Needless to say, the strategy worked well, as British passes began to go slightly off target, and no penalties were called against the US crew. Unfortunately, it didn't work well enough for the good guys to pull off victory.

As reported last time, there was a plan afoot to attend a barbecue at the local spearfishing club, but this idea was dumped because the women had an early game and wanted to eat quickly and go to bed early. So pizzas were ordered to be delivered to the hotel. Fours hours and many angry phone calls later, enough pizzas were delivered to feed at least a third of the

waiting hungry mob. Some of us were forced to hit the streets looking for sustenance.

Speaking of streets, Chairman Mau is taking a much more enlightened attitude toward the less fortunate of South Africa society. He now steps around the beggars sleeping on the sidewalk instead of kicking them, and he hasn't yelled at a street urchin in days. A kinder, gentler Chairman.

In Friday's playoffs, more fun was had. At halftime of the crucial US-NZ women's match, the sensitive, caring US Masters players delivered roses to the US women's team. One person suggested this might be a distraction, and negatively impact their play, but was straightened out with the logic, "I don't care if they lose, if it gives me a chance to get lucky". Unfortunately, expressions of affection did not enable the Yanks to pull out a victory.

In the Men's semifinals, the Dutch Boys again put on quite a show against the home towners. Regulation ended in a 1-1 tie. As before, both overtime halves resulted in no progress, and the sudden death period went several minutes before the Sud Afriques scored the winner. We're thinking the Hollanders wanted to get the most playing time possible for their entry fees. We expect the 3rd place game between them and New Zealand to go several hours.

Well, it's time for the Elder Americans to go after 3rd place, or at least to score our first goal against a team which doesn't have a nearly extinct bird as its national symbol.

To come: Finals and the parties (starting at city hall, continuing at the pool, and ending...???)