Subject: And now, the playoffs

Date: 23 Apr 94

From: Uncle Terry, 73060,2661

Hi again from the land of 100 degree spectator areas and noisy Frogfans. The Masters, after much dogged effort, were finally eliminated from competition, losing to the Brits, for their 10th and final loss. As mentioned yesterday, the playoff schedules were most unusual. The Old Farts, having lost their first playoff game to the all-powerful South Africans, were still eligible to win the Masters division. All they needed was to win their last three games, and they would be World Champions with a 3-9 record. Alas, such was not to be, and the "Wrinklers" finished fifth (if you don't know out of how many teams, then you haven't been following our earlier reportage.

On the other hand, our beloved American Femmes also lost their first playoff game, against the ..., well let's just say the Americains have still not beaten the French (at least until the Grand Marche episode-see below). As a result of this single playoff loss, the highest they can finish is fifth place. Then again, it's Friday, and we're in France.

The Men's division has been quite eventful. Last night our stalwart fellows took on the Colombian boys. Though the Kids from Cartagena fought bravely, they could not withstand the mighty onslaught of the Yanks, suspected support from the Medellin notwithstanding. After showing the obviously biased referees the proper way to do a celebratory cannonball from the penalty box, Our Favorite Soon-to-be-papa Timmy said "It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask for permission".

Then today, in what should have been a gimme match, the hometown Froggies led the undefeated #1 seed South Africans for 22 minutes of the game. All the while, the delightfully pleasant Frogfans (led by the Fabienne, the Eveready Bitch) repeatedly chanted "Allez, allez, allez, allez,...,la France, etc." The game went into overtime ""Allez, allez,....,la France, etc." but the teams fought strongly. The Sud Afrique scored shortly before the first overtime period, but the Frogfans would not be denied. Fabienne was driving them wild "Allez, allez,....,la France, etc." Undaunted, the Springboks finally scored again just before the final horn, thus dashing the hopes of the Frogfans. Fabibaby was last seen weeping in the parking lot and being consoled by some strong horny French male(?).

Meanwhile, the American Men faced their biggest challenge against the defending champion Australia. The platypussers avoided both the perils of an unreasonable playoff schedule and the use of their free legs to score a decided victory against our intrepid warriors. As a result, the Yanks enter a final match for third place against... (see next paragraph). After the game, our fearless Capitan, Mr. Banks was chosen to participate in a drug test. After he was dragged off to a windowless room (overheard to mumble "I hope it's multiple choice"), we saw several ugly frenchmen wearing rubber gloves and sleazy smiles sauntering to said room. Kimball exited much later, looking quite bloated and somewhat worn. Presumably he knew all the right answers.

In the final match of the day, the Brits faced the Frogs "Allez, allez,....,la France, etc.", in a replay of Hundred Years War (you remember- Joan and all). Once again, an inability to take a lead prevailed. Regulation play ended in a 0-0 tie (the third time in the Toadies' last 3 games) "Allez, allez,....,la France, etc.". Unfortunately, the Queen Worshippers did not have as much in reserve as the Mandela Boys had in the previous game, and DeGaulle's kids squeaked out a 1-0 victory in the waning moments of overtime.

And so is set up the awesomely awaited final meeting of the Perrier Drinkers ("Allez, allez,....,la France, etc.") and the Defenders of Freedom. Many threats and promises have been made, so much is expected of the Liberty Boys. Details on the match will be forth coming. And now we hand over the keyboard to the Honorable Assistant Vice President of Fun, Mr. Roth.

Duck here...as we sit at a fine French restaurant waiting 1 hour for our Italian food, with couples dressed in fine Parisian fashions, Terry is living proof that there is such a thing as "Le Ugly Americain". Not bowing to French customs, Terry brought in a 6 pack of Heineken and has been talking trash about our host country and its residents to our gal extraordinaire, the hostest which helped make possible these transmissions, Christine. We think she likes us, after all this is her second dinner with us. Sale of a Club Fred T-shirt is imminent.

Marky and Wanda started a new food trend by changing their jambon and ananas salade into a pizza. By next year there will be Hawaiian Pizza all over France. Terry is eating something that includes a broken egg served on a noodle something, look out Rocky. ...We interupt this message to let you know we got one on the French. It seems MoJo and Onkle T purchased a case of beer at the cost of a 6 pack. Score one for US... speaking of scoring, Christine just accepted an invitation to Brasil with Terry, fully financed by Club Fred dues. Don't worry about increases over the next few tournaments.

The French played a stall game against the Brits and won in overtime 1-0. We play them at 11:00 amid that allez thing. Not to worry cuz we've reworded what they say. It is most appropriate according to Elwood of the Aussie Boys Team. Terry ate the egg so we must win tommorrow. He is the oeuff man, coo coo ca choo. Time to cram 7 people into the French Fredmobile, which earlier held 9 people and 185 beers. With 7 we should be able to access the trunk thru the French door located conveniently in the back seat. If only we could get the Frogettes there.

Back at the ranch, the little general, not Napoleon, has ordered everyone into their respective rooms, or whichever one they end up in. He's a day ahead of the party festivities and results thereof.