There has been considerable speculation as to what recently caused concern
to thousands of Arizonans. As reported by the media, a strange lighted object
was seen to hover and float across the skies of practically the entire state.
Even Arizona's Governor was calling for an investigation into this mass
sighting, which clearly had to be classified as an Unidentified Flying Object.
I conducted my own investigation into what caused this eerie occurrence,
and am now able to report what really happened that night in Arizona (assuming
my sources are to be trusted). This truly is something that will be swept
into the X- Files. Because of the actions of a certain government employee,
our destiny has been changed forever. Had it not been for my investigation,
what you are about to read would never have made its way to the public's
eyes.
That which was seen by so many was actually an alien craft visiting us from
a far off universe. On board were emissaries of advanced civilizations,
willing to meet with us earthlings, and share their valuable secrets. Had
their mission gone as they had hoped, human beings would have benefitted
from scientific advances I cannot even begin to describe. Unfortunately
for the human race, the first person to board the alien ship when it touched
down on the outskirts of Phoenix, was an inspector from the FAA's Phoenix
Flight Standards District Office.
"Please come aboard - you are welcome," said the ship's commander,
communicating through a voice translation computer, capable of interpreting
over ten billion languages and dialects.
"Are you aware that you just violated Phoenix Class B airspace?"
queried the FSDO inspector. "You apparently have no functioning transponder,
no two-way voice communications, and certainly had no clearance to operate
within Class B airspace. Further, you violated Class C and D airspace. Our
office has received hundreds of calls from irate citizens complaining of
your cruising over populated areas at less than 1,000' AGL. I, myself, witnessed
your aircraft conduct an aerobatic flight maneuver, and I dare say that
I see no parachutes on board. I am afraid you are in violation of numerous
sections of the Federal Aviation Regulations!"
"Perhaps you don't understand," the alien tried to explain. "We
are here to help you."
"I've heard that before," replied the inspector.
Another alien stepped forward and spoke. "Allow me to provide an explanation.
We have come trillions of miles, traveled more light years than you can
image, just to meet with earthlings. We come in peace, and want to share
our scientific secrets with your people in an effort to prevent you from
destroying your planet."
"Who are you, his attorney? I'm afraid that is no excuse for violating
Class B airspace," said the inspector, as he thumbed through his copy
of the FARs, trying to see what other regulations had been busted. "And
don't bother filing a NASA report, I consider these violations intentional
and reckless. I would like to see the pilot's medical certificate and license.
I also want to see his log book. This aircraft looks unairworthy to me,
and I'm going to ground it. And by the way," the inspector now was
staring at the commander, "you don't look very well. Your skin is green
and scaly. You have three eyes, and your brain appears to be bulging out
of your skin. I'm going to have to write you up for operating an aircraft
with a known medical deficiency."
The aliens were clearly upset, and counseled amongst themselves.
"Apparently you folks are not being very cooperative. You have yet
to show me your license and log book, despite my having made a reasonable
request. Nor have you provided a reasonable explanation for violating so
many FARs. Therefore, I shall exercise my emergency revocation powers."
The aliens had heard enough. Clearly, the human race was not ready to benefit
from the scientific advances the aliens had to offer. Perhaps it was better
if the earthlings remained on their path of global destruction. The Commander
politely ushered the FSDO inspector off the ship, closed its door, and charted
a course far from the Milky Way.
"Well I'll be," uttered the stunned inspector to himself. "As
long as I am with the FAA, that pilot will never get his license back, no
matter how many times he re-applies."
Although I have yet to meet this particular FAA employee, I have had many
encounters with inspectors and FAA attorneys while representing pilots in
enforcement actions in the Los Angeles area. Both have considerable discretion
on how to deal with infractions of the FARs, and both yield considerable
power over airmen. While I do not condone violations of the law or poor
flying habits, one would expect that our government employees exercise a
modicum of civility and cooperation with the pilots they seek to punish.
I find that to be all too often lacking in FAA inspectors and attorneys,
who obviously have learned to relish the power they yield.
One need only recall the travesty that was thrust upon famed pilot Bob Hoover,
when the FAA yanked his medical certificate without good cause. Fortunatley,
after a 3-year battle, Mr. Hoover won his battle with the FAA, and regained
his certification to fly. Now, pending in both the House and the Senate,
is Senate Bill 842, aptly named the "Hoover Bill". It is aimed
at preventing the aggressive, and too often, meritless use of the FAA's
emergency authority to revoke certificates. As stated in the August 1997
issue of AOPA PILOT, "Since 1989, the percentage of emergency cases
heard by the NTSB has more than quintupled."
The Bill, if passed, would give pilots 2 days to demand a hearing on the
FAA's right to utilize emergency proceedings. The NTSB would have to decide
within 7 days if the emergency order is justified. Emergency orders require
immediate caseation of piloting privileges, as opposed to an ordinary order,
which allows the pilot to use his or her license pending appeals. Thus,
quick action as to whether or not an emergency order is justified, would
be a welcome change to the rules of conduct in FAA enforcement matters.
I recently experienced an example of how arbitrary and unjust an FAA attorney's
conduct can be with regard to emergency orders. A pilot was involved in
an accident, and the FAA FSDO inspector wanted to see his logbook. An inspection
can take place if there is a "reasonable" request. We replied
that we would make the logbook available upon receipt of an explanation
as to the grounds for review of the logbook. Despite the FAA inspector having
received my letter, and despite the FAA attorney having reviewed my letter,
neither I, nor my client, ever received a response to my letter. Rather
than writing or calling to discuss the matter, and act reasonably and cooperatively,
the attorney issued an Emergency Order of Suspension for failure to produce
the logbook. A copy of the order was sent to my attention, confirming the
fact that the attorney knew I was involved. I immediately called him to
see why this drastic and unnecessary action was taken. His response was
cavalier, and devoid of any shred of cooperation or decency.
There is much written about how attorneys should learn more about civility,
and avoid unnecessary combative tactics. I attempt to treat adversaries
with the respect and cooperation they are due. I counsel my clients to cooperate,
as long as it does not interfere with their rights. I expect the same from
other counsel. The conduct exhibited by this FAA attorney is a prime example
of why the "Hoover Bill" is necessary.
I know of several local FSDO inspectors who could not make it as a pilot
in the world of General Aviation. At least one was fired as a charter pilot.
Sometimes, the move to the FAA is to become a self-perceived autocrat, who
yields considerable power over the fates of those holding pilot or mechanic
certificates. These authority figures expect us to cooperate with them,
but often fail to cooperate with us. Pilots should obey the rules, and act
responsibly. Yet, fear of action by the authorities should not be the compelling
factor to engender compliance with the FARs. If FAA FSDO inspectors and
attorneys learned more about relating with the people who pay their salaries,
we all really could get along a lot better. Perhaps, we might even see a
few more UFOs landing in our midst!
Back to main page Charles M. Finkel is an attorney specializing in aviation law with offices in Beverly Hills, California. Owner of a Beechcraft Debonair and co-pilot on the B-25 Heavenly Body, Charles M. Finkel has been a licensed pilot for 30 years and has ATP, CFI, CFII, CFIMEL, and Glider licenses. He is a monthly contributor to Air Progress and Flying Career magazines. If you have any legal questions, please call 213.655.9989 or contact me at clfinkel@earthlink.net