"When the student is ready the teacher will arrive"
In my prior post I spoke of a fellow employee, who upset me pretty bad. Later, as I reflected on this, I wondered why
I had gotten so upset. After all I have worked hard at my job, and I barely even knew this women. Why? did I let her upset
me so bad. As, I pondered this I realized that I had reacted in the way I did because of my low self esteem.(Untill recently
I have never really realized what a problem I have with this) I also realized that this has been like a handicap for me. A
handicap, that has hindered me greatly. Now I intend to use the most powerful tools I have to overcome this handicap, prayer
and faith. I also would greatly appreciate your prayers. May God Bless You All.
Last weekend was very stressful for me. The stress was mainly caused by a comment made by one of the supervisers at my
place of employment. Due to the comment made I felt I may lose my job. Also I was going through a little bit
of the Holliday blues which just made it worse.
Instead of praying and having faith. I allowed myself to drown in a sea of misery,and self doubt. Over the weekend I
had two dreams. They were powerful vivid dreams.
The first dream was about fears. In my dreams my fears are usually symbolized by either snakes or alligators. In
this dream my symbol of fear was alligators.
The Alligator Dream
In this dream I was on a wooden raft in a dark eerie swamp. An old friend of mine,Chris was on the raft with me.I
knew I had been to this swamp before and it was infested with alligators. (And, I have dreamt about this swamp many times
in the past.) Slowly our raft moved through the swamp. I was overcome by fear. I knew it would take nothing for the alligators to
flip our raft.
Anxiously, I watched for them as we traveled through the dark swamp.
I heard something moving through the water and I turned to look. Expecting the worst. Instead I saw to women walking
through the swamp. A raft had floated up behind us. The women placed something on the raft. To my surprise it was two baby
seals. They were solid white with black spots. I realized that
if the baby seals were living in that swamp, and the women were walking through it safely. The alligators must be
gone.Than I woke up.
The next night I had another dream. The dream was about a white fish. In my mind fish symbolize faith.
I was standing in a wooded area. In my hands was a dying white fish. I looked down at the fish. In it's eyes I saw an
incredible sadness. Slowly it lifted up it's tail and tried to move. Suddenly, I was filled with a strong desire to save
it. I walked over to a nearby creek and I placed the dying fish into the sparkling water.The fish sprang back to life and
swam off. I woke up with a feeling of peace. My faith was renewed. And I knew that know matter what things would be alright.
And they are.
I haven't written in quite a while. I started a new job a few months ago and my time has been so limited. I am working
technical support for a cable company. The job is quite interesting as I have been able to talk to many people who were hit
by hurricanes over the summer. Theese people have suffered so much
but their faith remains strong.Please continue to pray for theese people,in particular the elderly as they are still
enduring many hardships. I spoke to one elderly woman the other day, her and her husband lost everything. I just can't imagine
how terrible that would be to have to start over at their age. May God bless them all.
All of my flowers are doing great. My sunflowers are about 2 feet tall. I planted the giants, can't wait to see how big
they get. My morning glorys are starting to climb the fence along with the jasmine. And our tomato plants are starting to
produce. Hummingbirds have been arriving at my feeder. And they also are enjoying the red impatients and lantana. They are
so interesting to watch.
I am so fortunate to have a garden. Connecting to nature is a spiritual experience for me.
Throughout my 20's and into my early thirties I was an alcohol abuser.During my 20's I worked in night clubs and alcohol
was my constant companion. It was my escape and would become my worst enemy. My life esculated out of control. I got to the
point where even with alcohol I could no longer escape. The alcohol was making my depression worse. My life was in shambles.
By this time I was no longer working in clubs. I was living out in the woods. I rarely left home.
The last year of drinking was the worst. Every night I would cry and I would pray for
God to remove the desire. One night in desperation I cried out to God."Lord if you are there remove my desire to drink or
let me die in my sleep tonight!".And I meant it. I no longer wanted to live.
The very next night I drank two 6 packs. Got in an argument with my daughter, and took some
pills. The next thing I knew I was at out local psyche ward. I would spend 10 eye opening hours in this awful place.
I was in the back ward among people who had flipped over the edge from drug or alcohol
abuse. One lady followed around a nurse begging for a beer. A sixteen year old girl who seemed normal at first,started thrashing
around. She was immediately picked up and strapped to a bed as she screamed out Lucifer and other demonic things as though
she were possesed. Others just sat there staring vacantly into space. I was mortified.What a waste of theese peoples lives.
I couldn't bear the thought of ending up like them. They were so sad,so pitiful.
God had answered my prayer. And that was exactly what it took. After that my desire to
drink was gone. My problems weren't. But now I knew I had much stronger faith which would help me in the years to come. |
. Our weather has been great lately, so I've been busy working outside. I've also added lots of new plants and flowers
to our yard. I planted jasmine all along our privacy fence. It smells wonderful when it blooms. I also added Lavender for
scent. I bought some red lantana to attract butterflies and hummingbirds. And I also plan on adding cardinal plants.
(Hummingbirds love this to) In a couple of weeks I will plant two of my favorites Morning Glorys and Mammoth sunflowers.
Than I will sit back and enjoy another beautiful spring. |
I call my journal "My Spiritual Journey" But in actuality I am a spiritual being on a human journey. For what reason
I don't know. Only God does.
In Jeremiah 1:4 The lord spoke to Jeremiah saying "Before I formed you in the womb, I Knew You, and before you were born
I consecrated you.
I would imagine this would be true for all of us, not just Jeremiah.
In conclusion I feel that all of the events and experiences I have had as I journey along, have been a neccesary part
of my journey as I move forward to forfilling the mission that God has dedicated me for.
I sympathize with the last child picked to play on a team . I remember myself as a child fighting back tears as
one by one other children were picked untill I was the only one left. How humiliated I felt.
I can also remember the pain and embarrasment I felt when I got my first pair of K-Mart shoes (Commonly called cat heads.)
Despite letting out the hems of my pants to try to conceal them. They were still seen. And believe me kids can be brutal sometimes.
|
Today I laugh at thoose old memories. But my heart goes out to the child who is the last one picked today. Or the child
that doesn't quite fit in. I know how they feel.
I have often heard people say "I will never forgive him/her" And believe me I know how it feels!
For years I couldn't forgive my first husband for the abuse he had put me through. My unforgiveness ate at me like
a a slow acting poison.
It was some time before I realized that I was paying the price not him!
I prayed and I searched my heart for understanding of what may have caused him to be the way he was.And I was finally
able (for my own sake to forgive him.)
One thing I definately learned was to Forgive is Divine! |
I read this poem for the first time today. I thought it was so interesting so I decided to post it.
SECRET THOUGHTS
I hold it true that thoughts are things Endowed with bodies, breath, and wings, And that we send them forth to
fill The world with good results---or ill.
That which we call our secret thought Speeds to the earth's remotest spot, And leaves its blessings or its woes
Like tracks behind it as it goes.
It is God's law. Remember it In your still chamber as you sit With thoughts you would not dare have known, And
yet made comrades when alone.
These thoughts have life; and they will fly And leave their impress by and by, Like some marsh breeze, whose poisoned
breath Breathes into homes its fevered breath.
And after you have quite forgot Or all outgrown some vanished thought, Back to your mind to make its home, A
dove or raven, it will come.
Then let your secret thoughts be fair; They have a vital part and share In shaping
worlds and moulding fate--- God's system is so intricate.
Poetical works of Ella Wheeler Wilcox. by Ella Wheeler Wilcox Edinburgh : W. P. Nimmo, Hay, & Mitchell, 1917.
Twenty years ago I had an abortion. I was living with my first husband who was very abusive 3000 miles from home. He
insisted I have it, so I did.
For 10 years I spoke about it to noone. I was so ashamed of what I had done.
I had recurring nightmares about murdering my own child. It got to the point that I hated to go to sleep at night.
For many years I couldn't forgive myself. So I was sure God probably wouldn't forgive me either. How could I even
ask him to forgive me for something like that. I finally did ask him. And when I did I felt a peaceful feeling.
I have also forgiven myself.
I am telling this story now in the hopes that someone considering abortion may reconsider. Please think about what your
doing before you make the same mistake that I did.
Over the years I have known a number of people who always seem to be plagued by misfortune. Nothing ever seems too go
right for them. They also all seem to have a long list of complaint's.
Many of them tell me they pray, but feel as though their prayers are often unanswered.
I have thought about this often. And at this point this is what I believe.
If my children don't appreciate what I give them. And instead constantly complain about their lack I would be in no hurry
to give them more.
On the other hand. If they showed gratitude and were more appreciative. I would be much more generous.
A couple of years ago, I was given a book called "Great Southern Mysterys.One of the mysterys was about Gods Acre
Healing Springs.This spring was deeded to God back in the 1800's by a farmer named Lute Boylston. He belived strongly in the
healing power's of this spring. He deeded it to God so that the spring would always be available for anyone who wished to
visit.(This is also the only land that has ever been deeded to God.) The story mentioned the spring was in Barnwell county
South Carolina but didn't give an exact location. I was determined to find out where the spring was. A couple of
days later a friend of mine asked me if I wanted to go with her to a spring in South Carolina to get her husband some spring
water. I asked her if by any chance it was the healing springs? She said she didn't know. She just knew it was in Blackville
Sc. The next day we made the trip. Guess what? It was Gods acre healing springs. I also have a brother and sister who are
both in their 30's and had never been married. They both got married that year.And both of their spouses had grown up in the
small town of Blackville.
When I was a child and would become upset,My mother would say;"Rein in your horses"At the time it made little since to
me.Year's later I used it as a tool to help get my emotion's under control.Whenever I became upset I would visualize
myself sitting in a carriage behind a team of 6 horse's.(The horse's representing my emotion's)As my emotion's took off so
did thoose wild horse's and I would visualize reining them in.This visualization technique alway's worked great for me.And
as time went by I found myself needing to use it less and less.Thank's mom!
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