Zen and the Art of a Bad Day
by Chandra Moira Beal

A few days ago I had a car wreck, got a bladder infection, bounced a check, locked myself out of the house, and my computer crashed (among other things). All sarcasm aside, it was a great day.

I used to think I had the worst luck in the world. Bad things seemed to happen to me all the time: I was involved in multiple car accidents; my ceiling caved in; my house caught fire twice; I fell off a cliff; I was mugged... My bad luck was so common, it became part of my identity, as if I was living in a perpetual black comedy. When I'd call friends, their first question was, "Nothing bad happened to you today, did it?" I'd laugh about it on the surface, but inside I was suffering and wondering, "Why me?" I walked around asking the Universe, "What next?!" What a mistake that was. It always answered!

At first I felt deep despair, as if the Universe was testing me over and over. People used to tell me, "There must be something very special in store for you." I laughed hopefully. Part of me believed there was no rhyme or reason to any of it. It was just bad luck. A deeper part of me wanted desperately for there to be a purpose to it all, some grand prize at the end of the line if I "passed" the test. And part of me deeper still felt like I deserved all those bad things and was being punished for some unknown crime.

I felt so fragile, as if I was going to break down and fall apart, losing my sanity. My friend told me not to worry, "When things get so bad that you cannot take it anymore, you won't break down. You'll break open." I didn't quite understand what she meant, but I hoped she was right.

Then in the darkest hour, something in me shifted and my luck began to improve. Life seemed to stabilize. When confronted with frustrating events, I felt less affected and things just rolled off my back. I laughed with confidence, not nervousness. What had changed? Had I passed the test? Had I finally broken open?

What changed was the way I approached life's challenges. I began to realize that I had attracted every single event in my life for a reason. It wasn't random; it was very intentional. There wasn't good or bad luck; there was just life. I wasn't being punished; I was living a dynamic, exciting life that presented opportunities for growth at every turn. An ordinary trip to the post office became a spiritual journey. Instead of fretting that every time I mailed a letter I got the same irritating clerk, I saw an opportunity to deal with those feelings. While waiting in line, I visualized myself hugging the clerk with unconditional love. Once I processed those feelings and accepted the circumstances, life stopped dealing me that card.

My "bad luck" became a source of spirituality for me. Instead of getting angry when things didn't go my way, I'd step back and think, "Why has this opportunity presented itself to me? Do I want to go through this again? What do I need to learn from this so I can move on?"

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't relish the idea of life's supreme challenges. It often takes me dozens of attempts before I understand something. But life is full of provocations, and if we can learn to channel those moments into positive opportunities for growth, we will reap the rewards ten-fold.

So, my car collision turned into a chance to have my air-conditioning fixed; my bladder infection turned out to be a false alarm but I got a day off of work anyway; my computer crashing gave me a much needed break from my desk; being locked out of the house meant an hour of bird watching and tending my flowers; and my bounced check... well, I'm still working on that one!

©1999 Chandra Moira Beal

laluna@onr.com
http://www.beal-net.com/chandra

Issue Two Features
Issue 2 - Page 1
Zen and the Art of a Bad Day
Listening to My Guide
How to Check your Hormonal Levels
Shopping for the Right Calcium Supplements
Food for Thought
Being Human Is Enough
My Dance with Shadow
Teaspoon Del Rio
On the Spot with Anne-Marie Palmer

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