Dog Breeds

Don't be misled by this dog's name; he does anything but "settle." This breed is known for going from family to family, making the family feel as though they've been adopted with gladness....and then he vanishes, only to be found two days later making a home with the neighbors. This dog simply cannot stay in one place; one might call him the Canine Nomad.

A veritable petri dish of bacteria and virus, this breed can also carry fungus and parasites. From Lyme disease to polio, this dog can transport it all while remaining oddly healthy. Not advised for households with children, pregnant women, elders, people with compromised health or humans of other types.

Initially a favorite of veterinarians everywhere, this dog has become a plague to animal healthcare professionals. Quite simply, this dog is wildly hypochondriac and believes himself to have every disease from lupus to multiple sclerosis. The dog limps, whines, is prone to fainting and anxiety attacks and will not rest until taken to the vet. Most of these dogs spend the majority of their lives at the veterinarian's office; many a needless diagnostic test and even exploratory surgery have been performed on this breed. Expensive and neurotic, not a dog for the sympathetic.

If the Doc's Un is a hypochondriac, the Carin' Terror might be said to have Munchausen's Syndrome By Proxy. This dog, intially seeming sympathetic and loving, believes his owner to have virtually every illness known to medical science. A nervous little creature, the Carin' Terror encourages his owner to rest "a little more", to recline on the couch with damp cloths on the forehead and even is known to promote false-calling of 9-1-1 services. It takes a strong owner to say to this animal, "I am FINE!"

As bad as a teenaged girl in love, the Callee cannot stay away from the telephone. Despite his lack of opposable thumbs, the Callee can operate push-button phones with ease. Worse are the false police reports and gossipy calls to your mom. There's no stopping this dog; remove your phone and he'll find a payphone. As any Callee owner will tell you: hide your cell phone!