Officially- 9:54 PM 12-23-1998

        100. Holy shit! This is numero one hundredo, half way to a           trillion.  Yeehaa!

Well happy Christmas and merry Hanukkah and all that stuff to this whacky celebratory world in which we live. I have decided that christmas sucks. I have no money with which to buy presents, and too many people to buy them for. I think all the shopping is done, but I have some more wrapping to do, should be lots of fun. It's amazing how many people celebrate christmas when it's just another day that someone was born on.

If Mary was a virgin when Jesus came around do you think she really had to go through labor or do you think he just appeared in the crib? What if Jesus was gay? He never got any chicks did he? All he had were those apostles. If there was a Jesus today he would get all the chicks, that's probably the same way it was back then so maybe all the chicks dug him but he wasn't into it because he was gay. Jesus is a flamer.

Woohoo!!!! My photoshop is working! It has been open for a while now and it still works. If you care go to that bright red page and check the new pictures. There isn't any new updates on it but there are new pictures, well maybe.

Officially- 1:26 AM 12-31-1998

101. Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but ya know? The fire is so delightful, and we really gots no where to go, so you might as well let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. I like snow sometimes. It's pretty and it brightens up the night. That kicks ass. Welcome to damnation 101. It should be a blast.

The average person who smokes, spends 2 hours and 20 minutes a day smoking. That kicks ass. I personally like to smoke, so to me it is a sort of entertainment. I like to smoke. The woman says she likes to smoke. They keep on hikin' up the cost and it's starting to get out of control, dammit. They have just recently raised the price of camels per carton to 20 bucks from 15. There was no midpoint like stopping at $16.50 or something. Nope, straight to 20 bucks. Fuck that health issue I'm not doing it to stay in shape or anything. I like to smoke. I drink lots of beer too. I like it. It's fun. I wish they stop raising the price of smokes 'cause I like to smoke. But, I just heard that Nicatrol, or whatever it is, is saving me a seat in some big coliseum of non-smokers.

Hey! As mentioned in one of the previous updates, me and the woman are shackin' up! Starting tomorrow my web page will be written in a different location. Well, it's only about 3 miles up the road but still, it will be both of our first apartments and it's gonna kick ass. Just like me and the woman.

Oh yeah! Happy New Year! Be careful partying.

Officially- 7:56 PM 1-10-1999

102. Hey! Let's all get ready to party like it's 1999. Woohoo! I hope everyone had a delightful time on the first day of the last year of the century of the last century till the year 2000, and episode 102 of this here thing.

My new year's festivities included moving to my new pad, getting out of work, and chillin' with my baby. It kicked ass.

Let it snow some more folks, it's been snowing here for about the past week or so and it's been great fun. I only got stuck 3 times in my car. We went out today to play in it but it was all super icy. I tried snowboarding down it and it didn't work too well. I suck at snowboarding.

The new apartment is cool, I like it a lot. Me and the woman are setting everything up real good and it's starting to get nice. We've been playing a lot of Goldeneye to pass the time. It is a good time.

Officially- 6:52 AM 1-23-1999

103. Howdy folks and welcome to the looney bin, you will located in cell LB103. Within it's boundaries are the necessary living items such as: white, floor to 12 foot ceiling high, padded walls with the latest in technology absorbing styrofoamulytteŽ, enjoy your stay!

This one is a mystery kids, I don't really know how it happened, but my keyboard went out, it worked on saturday, didn't work yesterday for some reason and I try it again today, viola no problemo...

I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for the slowness of my writing, it has come to knowledge that the fan on my processing chip doesn't work all that well and with that and the sudden return of my keyboard I have been a slacker. Oh yeah, you know the little lights on the front of your computer that are usually green, yellow, and red? Well on my shit the yellow light is staying on all the time. that's probably not good.

Just call me Mr. Hilarity. I just realized I haven't written anything funny in a bunch of days. I would like to continue with that tradition right now.

Officially- 3:39 AM 5-27-1999

104.  Who the hell am I kidding pretending to author a web page? Long time no see kids! I'm back up to good running standards I believe. Woohoo! My keyboard still sucks but it's at least semi-working. Knockin' at your door it's 104 biatch!

Well let's see... what's happened in the last billion months since you've heard from me last? Hmmm... Black History Month has come and gone, the Ides of March passed me up again, uh I celebrated 4-20 on the same day that a bunch of fucked up kids decided to commit suicide and bring a bunch of other people with them (that was a messed up day that I am upset I didn't write about), I got 2 fish one named Tiger (that one is Sarah's) and one named Ned (mine), Tiger died. Now we  are up to about now. Now I've got a messed up web page editor thing so this entire page may be screwy. Oh yeah and I've been sick for the past week.

Alright folks be on the look-out for my soon to come comic book section somewhere in this here web mess. It should hopefully be pretty weird, for lack of anything else to call it. It probably won't be in standard comic book form either, probably just some characters, pictures if we're lucky (likely to be drawn by yours truly!). It should be good.

 

Officially- 2:57 AM 6-2-1999

105. This is weird! How do ya like the new doo? Get used to seeing it like this cause it's the easiest to finger out. Haha...what? 105 is dedicated to all the playas in the hayouse, love it.

Guess what I forgot to tell you folks... This could be the funniest thing to ever happen in history. I hope to god everyone in te world saw it. Ok what "it" is was a video of a man on a stand-up roller coaster surrounded by a bunch of girls in what looked to be some sort of German getup. On this video, you see the man standing on the ride and he has got blood all over his face and all over the girls white shirts. The news guy comes on and says that the man got hit in the face, while midway through the roller coaster, by a goose. That's kinda funny yes, but here is the kicker of all times, they zoom in on the man, and who else would it be but Fabio. I laughed for about 3 days when I saw that. What are the chances of a goose flying down and breaking a persons nose, much less Fabio. That is hilarious!

Me and the woman and Matt and Ellen (Sarah's sister her name is pronounced Smellen) went to the highly entertaining Kings Island amusement park. They got some goofed up rides now adays, I tell ya. We rode one called Face/Off (after the movie) where you face the people in the other car and they drag your ass backwards way up a hill. Oh yeah it's suspended too. You get to the top of the hill and it's a looong way down and you basically just hang there for a couple seconds. They drop you and you haul ass back through the station and up and around some loops then back up the hill to turn around and do it in the other direction. It's mighty freaky. There is also this big pole that goes 315 feet straight up in the air and pulls you, in this little bike seat type of thing, with it. You get to the top and the drop you like a motha.

Porkchops and cheezwiz probably do not make a good combination.

 

Officially- 12:27 AM 6-3-1999

106. I need a new keyboard. Uh... Yeehaa! Well folks, we're in a mix. Here's a hundred and six.

Hey! I getting my truck fixed and back tomorrow, well, actually later today! WOOHOO! I'm getting a new windshield put on it and a new passenger door window and and it's coming home. I'm getting really excited. I'm going to have soo much fun driving it. I'll see what I can do about getting a picture up sometime. Yeah!

I may have mentioned this before, but what the fuck is Charlie Tuna thinking advertising for that tuna company? Does he not realize that soon he's gonna be the one falling out of the can. Maybe they have a contract that states they won't kill him for use in their product if he keeps doing the commercials. That's a pretty messed up marketing ploy.

Let's see here... I'd say it's a pretty good thing we don't have flying monkeys on this planet. Imagine how shit would be different if there were flying monkeys, i imagine they would raise some hell.

 

Officially- 4:49 AM 6-9-1999

107. Well I'll be damned if I'm not on a roll here. Now I just gotta think of something funny. How about welcome to heaven here's ein hunderd un seven (that's supposed to be German by the way). Nope not funny. How 'bout Let your bread leaven here's a hundeed and seven (that one would be funny if I were sure that's what you do to bread).

Guess what... sho' 'nuff I did not get my damn truck back. This is really starting to piss me off. By the time I get my truck back summer will be over and it won't be nearly as much fun. Bastards.

Next time you go to the beach I want you to do me a favor. Instead of going into the ocean for a swim, I heard it is even more fun to lay on the ground back side up, bury your face as deep into the sand as possible, and with all you can muster inhale as much and as quickly as possible. Now, mind you, I have not yet been to the beach to try this trick but it does sound like a grand idea to me. Everybody now! Let me know if you have done this before to give me your input. We could start our very own fad!

So we got this big city wide competition of a variety of different "sports" that the company I work for has entered and in which I am a participant right? I got to do swimming, inner-tube racing, frisbee toss, and tug a whore... uh... I mean war. I swam fast, I tubed fast, I claim I am a frisbeer (beer?) and I sucked it up at that event, and we went on to lose first round of tug-of-war. It was an alright time I guess, and we still have drunken field events that I may be in, that is always amusing.

 

Officially- 2:51 AM 6-22-1999

108. Well, I was on a roll. Now I suck again. Sorry I've been busy fuckin' around lately. I got a new keyboard though, and that, my friends, is thoroughly exciting. Here is 108, which is exactly 1 more than half of 214. Whoa.

Here goes little ol' me, taking the trash out when I suddenly realize that my usual dumpster's cup hath runneth over, so I go to the next dumpster over. This is a bit of a walk but I don't mind 'cause I can take the opportunity to look up at the stars. Well I've heard of these things slowing down cars, but, while I was looking up, I tripped over a speed bump. I guess I was walking a bit too fast or something. I thought that was funny.

If you care go here. It has potential even though this part is not completely done. It will be soon, I promise.

 

Officially- 1:46 AM 7-13-1999

109. Ok! Howdy folks, what's been goin' on? Not much here at the lazy bastard homestead. Episode 109 is smokin past ya.

Atomic Pee Man is slowly but surely getting worked on. I drew up some new pictures and now my photoshop is not working the way I would like. The second part of part II should be up by the weekend or so though. If you care.

Uh, I apparently forgot to say Happy 4th of July to everyone, so... HAPPY 4th OF JULY EVERYONE!!! Woohoo! My 4th was alright, I sat in a field with Sarah and Dime and Jennifer, and we watched fireworks. It was pretty kick ass, and Sarah and I went to see my family and that was nice.

The same four of us went to see South Park that night. It had too many songs.

Plans for the west side are restarting now. Me and Poncho are taking a trip! We are going to Las Vegas and out to California. It will be so much fun!

 

Officially- 2:51 AM 7-26-1999

110. Jumpin Johosaphats! What the hell is going on here? Here is episode 110 in the world of this web page thing.

Something weird happened over the weekend. Me and my lady friend went to Kings Island (the local yokel abusement park) on saturday because it was "Days of Our Lives" day! For those of you who are lucky enough to have not experienced "Days" I will explain the show. It's one of those stupid soap opera shows and it has all the stuck up rich people, acting real melodramatically and everyone is beautiful. Woohoo! Anyway, apparently they only had enough money to ship in 4 of the male actors, and it was whoop and holler fest at the "International Showplace." I haven't heard that many little girly screams since the last time I happened upon a live N'Sync taping. This is now the part where it gets funky. At least, it's funky to me cause I see these people on national tv. Ok, so we leave the Showplace and head over to a new ride called "Drop Zone; The world's tallest gyro drop." This ride is bad ass! 315 feet high and you just fall. I want them to make one 800 feet tall, that would be better. Now, when we got off that ride we see a camera crew right at the exit of the ride and behind that we see these four guys, the ones from tv. Hey wierd! Sarah and her sister stood there and were saying stuff to them as they were not waiting in the hour and a half long line. Right before they went up I said "die!" They didn't though. After that we went to do this "Extreme Flyer" thing where you get into this harness thing and they drop you 175 feet or something and you fall and swing out over part of the park. They said we had to wait 15 minutes which is cool, and just as our time came up, we were getting in line to get our harness and the soap opera boys jump in front of us. Well, to make this incredibly long story end today, They were on the same line as we were, just right in front of us. When you get hooked up to the thing they drop you from they have a platform you stand on and it raises you up so you don't scrape the ground. The six of us, Sarah, Ellen (Sarah's sister), me, and for those who know the show Eric, Austin (not me), and Craig. I was like what the hell is going on here, haven't I seen you on tv before? From out in soap opera land? You suck, but it'll be wacky seeing you on tv again. Well, I didn't really say that. They seemed to be pretty normal guys. This story took way too long for anyone to care. I apologize.

Sarah and I were dumb enough to go to Kings Island again today (which is 2 days in a row) and the power on all the big rides got shut off for some reason. Sarah and a bunch of punks we know from work got stuck on a water ride for a little while it kicked ass. All the rides had to be evacuated. I wish I would have been on one.

That's actually a good idea. Someone should build a ride that safely messes up on purpose so you have to evacuate it. I would ride something like that.

I am boring!

 

Officially- 10:21 PM 8-24-1999

111. Slackin' ass, slackin' ass, where'd you get that slackin' ass? Slackin' aaaaasssssssssssss! Here's 111 for all the folks nice enough to care about my slackin' ass page. I suck.

Today sucked alright? Alright, first I go to work, which, if you don't know, pretty much sucks. Not the best way to start off a day. Next I'm working and I work with things that squirt ink, now, typically we have vacuums that suck up the ink very quickly and we do not typically get very inky. Today, the vacuum pump did not work, so I called up the man and he came down and fixed it. I got back to work and thought everything was fine so I went to lunch. Come back from lunch to look at my work area to see ink running out from every overflow area possible. The floor and everything within an area about 7 feet long and 2 feet wide was covered. The fun part is now I have to clean. I start by removing an overflow canister. This canister is maybe 2 liters, as I unscrew it to remove it from my stand I feel ink starting to run down the outside and over my hands. This isn't all that cool. Super black ink is now up to my elbows and all over my kpants. Ok, so I go and get a mop and clean water for it, clean up the mess which takes about an hour and a couple trips back to the mop bucket dumping area to get fresh water. On my last trip when everything was done and clean, I set the squeezing part of a mop bucket on the floor, apperantly in the personal space of an orange handled outcast mop which proceeded to tip off the wall and smack me in the forehead, hey, thanks a heap. Next I was walking back from the mop bucket dumping area with a full clean bucket of mop water and I happened upon some metal, mop bucket wheel biting, bastard ass, grates in the floor which bit the hell out of the mop bucket wheel and sent the mop bucket toppling over like a playing card house in the Brady residence. Except this card house had about 5 gallons of water in it. FUCK!! FUCK!! Now I get to clean up the water. So I left work before I prematurely killed some squids, and my employers prematurely killed me.

What the hell is up with me writing these long ass updates?

Oh yeah! Happy birthday to me about a hunderd days ago. The party went well, I don't remember some of it but I did no driving, so that's good. The gifts were nice, and the woman made me a very nice cake.

Oh yeah again! I'm gonna try my hand at some more music. I gotta cd writer and some toys to make a cd with so keep and ear out for my new release. Even though it'll suck. Actually it might be alright if I can come up with a mixer. Then it will be cool.

 

Officially- 1:23 PM 9-30-1999

112. Howdy folks! Get ready to delve into a hundred and twelve. Then lick it.

I am a bit late on this one because it happened a little while ago, but I just read an article so I am forced to write. Do me a favor, go to the store soon and pick up the latest copy of SPIN magazine. The one with Kid Rock on it. Turn to the Woodstock '99 article and read through. If you don't, I'll tell you some of what you're missing, if you didn't hear about it already like me. I was in complete shock as I read this article and I was disturbed by it's contents. At first, after Woodstock '99, all I heard was there were some rapes and some hooligans doing things they shouldn't be doing, because it's not good for humanity. Woodstock is supposed to be Peace, Love, and Music. What it ended up being was Rioting, Raping, and not enough help from musical acts. As I read through the article I read about how there was only 275 security guards, some of which basically hired off the street (not guard material) before the show even started a bunch of them quit. So now you have less than 275 guards and in the morning there were 250 to 300 thousand punk ass kids coming through the gates. Mistake #1. There should have been about a thousand guards then maybe the event stood a chance. Mind you, the number of the guards got smaller and smaller as the event went on. Other things that were going on... someone stole someones Mercedes, drove it into the concert, into a sound tower, and was promtly flipped over and set on fire. Sound towers were "rocked" over, yes, over like the top of the tower hit the ground. Uh, 10 to 12 SEMI-trucks were looted and either set on fire of exploded. Girls were tossed into the pit where assholes proceeded to rip clothes off them and rape them. There was a crisis helpline guy who sat and watched some girl get forcefully raped. He just sat there. The article goes through 5 or 6 pages of shit going down. The end of the article has a rioter saying how the event deserved any rioting and looting that happened because of the high prices of items such as water and food. If you pay $150 for concert tickets, and you've been to a concert before, you would probably assume the promoters want to make money as much as you want to see a good show. If I go to the local amusement park, I expect to take a bunch of money with me because it costs a bunch of money to drink or eat anything. Don't people realize that this is someones stuff? What happened to the respect of others belongings? Where did that go? As a countries youth, we are apparently in sad shape, if this is what we make of 3 days of peace, love, and music. All I'd like for my readers to get out of this is, just think like anything you want to mess up or break think of it as your own, think how you would feel if some of the stuff that was on fire was stuff you paid your hard earned money on. That'd kinda be like you pay your money for the tickets but none of the performers showed 'cause they had broken legs. Where is what I worked my ass off for at? Just please think before you start tearing shit up because a bunch of busted shit doesn't make this world better, just trashier. Thanks. Shroom me on your feelings about Woodstock '99, let me know if there are any big things I missed.

Well welcome home to me and the woman. We took a tremendously delightful vacation to the Smoky Mountains. I tell ya what, we had such a lovely time. We rented a cabin in the woods, which was beautiful, it had a hot tub on the balcony, and jacuzzi in the loft bedroom, and everything was great. Thanks for asking.

Beer shits.

 

Officially- 1:31 PM 10-10-1999

113. 113 is by far the coolest update since probably uh... 112. Or not.

I realized the pinnacle of being a guy, is the ability to clean the ring around the toilet water, with your urine.

Many people have given up they're lives for the writing of this update. The number is around 6 trillion.

Half a bucket of fried chicken does not make for a better world, even though you would think it does.

 

Officially- 3:39 AM 11-10-1999

114. Boy do I suck at this business. Here is a happy go lucky 114.

Well I hope everyone had a frightfully good Halloween! We had a costume party over here and it went alright... It felt like a high school party and that wasn't all that peachy, but I was drunk and dressed as God and that's always fun. The woman was dressed as Britney Spears, she looked just like her, it kinda wigged me out. There were many good costumes in attendance this year, such as a pretty killer Darth Maul costume, uh... a Wizard guy and his Jester wife looked excellent, Mother Nature and Old Guy, some dude dressed as Norman Bates in drag and his hippy girlfriend, Julius Ceasar and a Belly Dancin' Gypsy woman, those were all the notable costumes I believe. Some fucks didn't even wear costumes, I almost struck them down with a bolt of lightening from the heavens, that would have been cool.

The woman's wonderful birthday came and went with a great yeehaa.

If I forget to update this piece of shit websit before then, Happy Thanksgiving. Remember to be thankful for all you have, it's all those little things that really count.

 

Officially- 4:33 PM 12-28-1999

115. Yup, I really do suck at this business! It's been for freakin' ever. Here's 115, I hope it blows your mind.

I saw the front-running Republican George Bush "raising the roof" a couple days ago on TV. That was hilarious! It looks just like what you think.

Merry Christmas and Happy Hannukah and all that shit for God's sakes. Sorry this is late but I am king supreme slacker lately. I hope everyone had a great holiday season and is well prepared for this Y2K thing we keep hearing about. I don't know if I am properly prepared for it or not but we'll see here in a couple days won't we? Good luck to us all...

I'm not funny anymore... sorry.

 

Officially- 12:27 PM 1-1-2000

116. I'll be damned! We still are good to go. This is the first update of the new millennium... well kinda 'cause there will probably be another first update of the millennium next year when it is really the first anything of this new millennium. Millennium, millennium, millennium. I just wanted to write millennium a couple more times. Numero 116 is here love it or uh... love it.

Happy New Year! How terribly exciting is that bullshit? I hope everyone's splendid celebrations were indeed splendid. We got drunk and made bunches of noise. It was a yeehaa good time.

 

Officially- 2:51 AM 3-8-2000

117. Well, well, well, looks who's back! Uh... I didn't really go anywhere ('cept Vegas,) I just slack immensely. This is the extremely late, no excuse for my sorry ass, but no one writing to tell me to write more, episode 117.

Yup! The woman and me and a couple of our friends went to Viva Las Vegas, and one thing for sure... Holy slut mags! If you've ever been to Vegas you know what I'm talking about, but I will explain here for anyone who has perhaps not heard of Las Vegas or for those just not the travelling type or for those without the means or cares to go. When flew into Vegas at night and all the neon was blazin' like mad. It was really cool. We get off the plane and head to get our luggage and then go to catch a bus, which repeatedly runs over a sign making us a wee bit uncomfortable. Next we ride in this mad mans  bus which takes us to The Luxor, which is this kickass pyramid shaped Egyptian themed hotel. The place is huge we walked out front where they have a giant (maybe actual Egyptian sized) Sphinx which made you dizzy if you looked up at it for too long due to it's size. Inside they have neat statues and waterfalls and pointy tower things all over the place. Anyway, we wondered around Vegas, which proved to be extremely tiresome, and everywhere you walk there is someone trying to hand you slut magazines. Are the hookers in that bad of shape that they have their own magazines now or is that the way it has always been? The things are everywhere... 'ya know those newspaper boxes that hold all the real estate mags and free papers and shit? In the normal city they would hold mags that have homes for sale maybe even cars or something of the like... In Vegas, it's sluts for sale. I don't think I saw one of those boxes out that didn't have prostitute magazines in it. It was nuts. Other exciting parts of the trip: Losing a bunch of my money to one arm bandits and them sneaky blackjack dealers. Actually I won about 80 or so bucks the first time I played... musta been beginners luck. We also went to The Stratosphere, which is this super-tall space needle thing with a roller-coaster and a slingshot ride on top of it. I was pretty nervous, luckily neither ride was running because of high winds. I probably would have shit my pants if I rode either, I'm not really scared of heights, I just get nervous inside and goofy, I really like high places a lot. Let's see, oh yeah, we get to hotel at night like I wrote before up there, check in and head up to our rooms. We get inside the room to find out yes the windows do slant up and in like you would expect in a pyramid and out view was kinda nice. When we looked out the window that night we could just see a bunch of lights that went back about 2 or 3 miles from what it looked to me, so that was neat. We go out to gamble and walk around the hotel for a while, come back at 4 in the morning and pass out. Sarah wakes up at 8:30 in the morning and freaks out. "Holy shit!" she says "Austin wake up. HEY!" "What?" I say back as I turn towards her I glance out the window and "Holy shit!" was right... right out the window about 4 miles out were the damn Rocky Mountains all huge and splendorous! It was sweet.

 

Officially- 2:45 AM 5-7-2000

118. Hey there muchachos! Long time me love you... huh? 118 probably won't be too exciting, but we'll see...

Well, so much for any kind of catastrophic planet aligning problems eh? There were no issues of any weird gravity or anything weird at all for that matter, unless it takes a while to affect us. No gnus is good gnus. Did ya ever watch Sesame Street and The News wth Gary Gnu? That ruled. Was he really a gnu or was that just his name? I don't remember... Sesame Street is a cool, cool show. Way beeter than most of the crap kids watch nowadays. I mean, what's up with Pokemon and Teletubbies? Pokemon is gay, and if you've never tripped on mushrooms, just watch Teletubbies, it's very similar. Is Mr. Rogers dead or is he still on? That show kicked ass too.

Yup... pretty boring.

I believe I need to pinch a loaf.

 

Officially- 2:58 AM 7-18-2000

119. Howdy there my chummy little freaknuts! 'Tis been a while since I updated on the mothership page so I figured my lazy ass might as well put old update 119 up on this bad ass mamba jamba. I hope you love it.

The woman and I took a trip to Tennessee this weekend with my dad and stepmom. It was a pretty good time besides getting all stupid sunburnt. It figures. They (dad and stepmom) got me some kick ass tools which include a rachet set, which will be very handy in getting my truck back in running order, and a kick ass drill bit and other stuff box which will be very handy when I build my house (yeah right). Paps and stepmomma have a boat and like to ski a lot, and though my dad was encouraging us, we did not ski, potentially saving hundreds of lives.

Not a whole heaping load happened on the 4 to 5 hour long drive down there. That's the shits.

Ooh ooh! My 157th birthday is coming up soon and on the 29th we're having a couple friends over, stop on by if you'd like.

 

Officially- 1:42 AM 9-26-2000

120. Wake up girls and boys 120 is here, so dry off those clammy hands, sponge up that sweat above your brow and hold on to your butts, this may be one of the longest single updates ever.

Well, over the weekend, Matt, Sarah, and I took a trip to the frightful contents of Halloweekend at quite possibly the best amusement park anywhere, Cedar Point. Let me tell ya, I've been meaning to go for years now, ever since I've been able drive, and I never have gone. Well the plan started off that we would go with a bunch of our friends from work and stay up there Saturday night and go to the park both Saturday and Sunday. The plans fell through which is no big deal, since none of us really had the money to go, and it ended up being the three of us, which is cool. The weather here in D-town called for rain through the weekend and it called for rain as well in Sandusky, where Cedar Point is located. This was not cool, we eventually decided to go, rain or no (preferrably no), even though Sarah and Matt were not feeling well. Travel to the park was not bad except for a short-lived thunderburst (whatever that is... I think I am just making stuff up here) that may have taken the new "Hardest I've Ever Seen 'It' Raining" record. It's hard to recall the rain when your imagining yourself in line for what turns out to be the coolest ride ever. Anyway, lot's of positive, anti-rain thoughts for the day and Matt's gleeful rendition of "Gray sky's are gonna clear up! Put on a happy face!", and about 3 hours of driving concluded in a fairly toasty day at Cedar Point. We arrive with this being the first time at any real amusement park besides Kings Island, which has the best wooden coaster of all times, The Beast. This park puts me in awe with the way it's set on a peninsula with Lake Erie all around and just about as far as the eye can see, it was amazing. Sarah is not feeling super well at this point in the day and the first ride we go to is the Demon Drop, which is this old school freefall ride that is very unique and weird. This makes Sarah feel worse. If that wasn't bad enough, we then went to ride The Raptor, which is a suspened coaster with like six loops or something. This makes Sarah feel even worse and she stops riding for a bit, that really sucks. Matt and I ride the Power Tower on the one where they shoot you off the ground up to 240 feet or something, that was fun. Then we rode some other crap that was a blast, then it started raining like nuts. At this point we go and have dinner and the 5 dollar beers have worn off, which is never fun. We decide to head back to the car and chiggity chill there 'till the rain subsides. About an hour passes, when off to the west we can see the sky starting to clear, so it's back into the park to ride Millennium Force. Apparently, they have a rule on Millennium Force, that does not allow you to choose which seat you're in unless you are the first person in line, which kinda pisses me off because when I can I like to ride in the front seat. I knew this was a rule so I just thought I'd sit anywhere. Now, we are up to the point where it's just starting to slow down in the rain department when we see The Raptor running with people on it (they shut the rides down for lightning), then we see The Mantis running with people on it as we are walking past the MF (Millennium Force/ Mother Fucker!!) entrance and to the end of the line when they had just started opening the turnstyles when I slid into line in between what turned out to be a group of people, Sarah, feeling better by this point in the day, said we should let all them go first so we wouldn't split up their group, to which I said "OK" and took a step back in line. Well, to make this story yet again longer, we waited excitedly to ride a 310 foot tall, 92 mile and hour beast, when it again starts raining. The good news is, they are still running people around the track, no lightning yet. Ten minutes later we are the next car in line, and I am way, way, way excited. I am shouting and hollering and making all kinds of noises and jumping around like a goof, when I look up and compare the amount of people ahead of us in line to the number of people that can fit on a train. I looked to Sarah and Matt and shakily said "Oh dear...we're gonna get the front car!" Matt looked up and shakily said "You might be right." Come to find out that I was right and Sarah and I rode in the Shittest of Shits, baddest ass roller coaster ever, for the first time, in the rain, in the dark, in the front seat and it was fuckin' kick ass!!!! I tell you right now that coaster is sweet! If you have the ability go and ride that Millennium Force, it is the smootest, fastest, highest ride around and it is worth whatever travel time you may need to get there. At this point all I can say is wow!

 

Officially- 2:16 AM 1-5-2001

121. Happy new year folks! I am finally writing again and unfortunately for anyone that cares, it is under unfortunate circumstances. Here's 121 and it's basically just written for me, but you are more than welcome to have a read.

Something happened today that I am not used to. I have never experienced something so confusing and shocking before and it saddens me to think that a trend such as this will continue and progress through life. Hopefully not as tragically and suddenly as this situation but...

Today (January 4, 2001), a friend, whom I used to be fairly close to, decided to take his own life for some strange reason.

My friend "bitch boy", as I would call him, was the type of guy who would do anything for you as long as he wasn't preoccupied with a woman. His main object of life was to get married and be in love. The thing he didn't take into consideration was the most important thing, his feelings. Anytime he would find a new girlfriend he would conform to what they wanted him to be, or at least what he thought they wanted him to be. He had a strong character but he didn't believe in himself enough to be his own man.

I have no idea what to feel right about now. I feel sorry I didn't try harder to keep our friendship going but, the situation was one where he was to stubborn to listen to good advice, be it through his mom, me, or a variety of other friends he had. I feel mad at him because he has a baby girl, and a mom who found him dead in her basement, both who loved him with all their hearts. I feel confused and left with the wonderment of what if I hadn't of said this or what if I'd said "Sure dude, let's go hang out tomorrow!" What if, what if, what if... That is one extremely hard factor to get though when someone dies by their own hand. I remember a situation that could have changed his life and he could possibly not been where he is today had I not jumped in and basically forced him to go another route. Is that a good, healthy way to think or should I just concentrate on the smiles we had and the good times? I am very much still in shock.

Bitch boy worked with me and many, many other people who cared deeply for him, as him.  A group of us folks who knew him fairly well, knew how stubborn he was and we tended to give him a lot of shit about getting married to people he coudn't seem to get along with, and other girl troubles. But, this was just your standard "You're a dumbass for asking her to marry you after you have had 8 breakups and get back togethers" we laughed, he laughed. We never thought he would take anything we said as hurtful. More as good advice, just after someone doesn't listen to your good advice after so many times, the advice gets more harsh and potentially more hurtful. Though I put no blame on any of us folks who were teasing him I feel he may have thought we were being shitty to him, when it was the same people giving him shit as the ones most hurt and shocked by his death. I honestly hope that in whatever afterlife he is in he is secure with the feeling people did indeed care about him.

Mason, we were boys, and you will surely be missed. Much love goes to your family in their heartache.

 

Officially- 2:50 AM 5-2-2001

122. First off let me humbly apologize for being el slackero numero 5 but all that's been happening isn't very writable... Here's 122 which is 14 less pickles than what you have, over there in Pickeloafland. Biatch!

So not a whole heapin' hoppin' house of a lot been going on lately. The woman and I are heading off to Hilton Head, South Carolina in about 20 hours or so, even though we have like zero dollars.

Yeah, Dale Earnhart died a couple weeks ago or something, sorry to the family and the like, but there's something I saw that freaked me out. I was watching the race when he wrecked, I think, and I didn't really think about it then like I did when I saw a replay on TV. We (in particular Sarah and I) were watching the news and they had something on there talking about the seatbelt was not to blame for the accident. They (in particular the TV station) proceeded to play the clip of Earnhart (something is telling me to put a d in there somewhere) crash into the wall and spinout into the infield. I'm sure most of us saw that clip and what freaked me out was that we all watched someone die. Right then and there I think, just dead. That's whack man!

 

Officially- 3:50 AM 6-7-2001

123. Ouch! Shit! I just fell out of my chair... Hey funky funk funkity funk funk funk funky funk funky ass people in this weirdo little sphere we call shitzu. This is 123 and as you can probably tell not a whole lot of cheez whiz is being spread around this party, if ya know what I mean.

Well the trip to Hilton Head was nice except for the Grandma being fairly ill part. The house we stayed in was a house away from the beach. It had a crows nest (basically a balcony) on top that we sat on and could see the ocean all lovelyly(?). I re-found out that riding bikes on the beach is loads of fun and Frosty Frog's Turbo Large Strawberry Daquiris are really good (190 proof! good). My grandpa heeded me advice that, of course, I didn't listen to, and that was to ride into the wind, or up the beach when you first start out. Well I had already ridden up the beach one direction into the wind for a bit once, and I wanted to go the other way instead. So, I suggest that we go this way, and we proceed to ride with the wind pushing oh so delightfully against out backs. It seems that it's really easy to ride about 5 miles with the wind blowing you down the sand. It also seems that if you see a huge horseshoe crab laying on the beach and decide to flip it over, you're really gonna think that you shouldn't have 'cause damn it stinks! We got the seagulls to flock to us on the beach too, with cheez-its or something. I got shit on. It was completely nuts, like one minute my little cousin is eating one of these crackers. A cracker would get tossed to the ground and a seagull would come down and get it. I stood up to look and it's like somebody had blown some seagull food horn. All of the sudden there was five seagulls coming closer to us and hovering around. Off in the distance I see close to thirty more flying in trying to get some of these crackers. It was freaky to see a bird, not afraid of people at all, as it was hovering within eight inches of my head. The seagulls just sat there facing the wind and basically ate out of our hands in mid-air. Amazing!

Sarah got a new job... That'll be weird. Ever since we've known each other we've worked together, so it's gonna be a change.

I saw a funny truck on the way to my aunt and uncle's a coupla days ago. We're just cruising down the highway (I-75 woohoo!) and I'm looking at the cars coming north as we're going south. This pink dot catches my eye on the horizon of the road, so I'm watching it, because what in the hell are you doing with a pink car?! As we draw closer I notice alright, pink is ok when it's a Chevy S-10 style truck that is painted bright pink straight down the drivers half of the truck and deep black straight down the passengers half of the truck! Even when we were close it looked like just the drivers side half of the truck was driving down the road. Funny shit!

 

Officially- 3:33 AM 6-13-2001

124. Your mother was a snowblower. 124 is short.

I think my parts are loose.

So I was sitting at work yesterday, waiting for the squid machine to pump it's squid, with my legs crossed, and I stood up and walk down the way when I realized my left nut was asleep... How the hell about that?!?

Timothy McVeigh? Dead.

Next update comes here!

Remind me to write!

 

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Butt!