Awaiting Return

By Carlos Cardona

 

Again I stand like Major Thrall,
Standing still like, frozen, dear,
Thinking all must see these thoughts hanging from my side,
This smile, this quick attempt to stay cool,
Or at least look cool in the presence of she that's to die for.

You stood there and smiled, my friend's friend,
We wore the same outfit, well, almost,
My leotard blue and yours was black,
But in the darkness we looked the same.

We spoke about our recent breakups,
You were at five days, me five weeks,
I was feeling cloaked, you were looking phased,
Maybe our colors spoke of our states.

You talked the talk, which seemed a plus to me,
The psych-stuff of mourning and dependency,
Of who needs therapy and just exactly why;
I could welcome this change after she who had denied,
Denied the need for shrinkage, unable to even say "love",
She who pretended that she loved me,
But worse to herself she lied,
Hiding the cold soul of a golddigger gal,
Giving up on my ability to get rich.

But not so fast, until I loved her through and through,
And now was having a hard time with Love,
I kept meeting the usual suspects,
But nothing could I feel (except their bodies!)

Then one evening I saw you and found something like faith,
One evening because there is no true love at first sight,
Love demands some knowledge of the beloved,
Talked with you and knew there was someone I could love again.

We talked awhile, but then I let you go,
As I have learned from love to do, so you could be free of my desire,
I let you go so you could dance with others and compare,
And when I saw you did not stay with him, but danced around again,
I saw my chance, and knew it would not come again,
"Wanna dance?"

We danced, danced with and around and through each other,
Danced and talked and danced and laughed together,
Then later I gave you my number, putting the ball in your court,
And so here I stand again, racquet in hand, like so many lives ago,
Awaiting return.