1. Could you drive any better if I shoved that fuckin' cell phone up your ASS?
2. If you can read this, I can slam on my fuckin' brakes and sue you!
3.Yeah sure, Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an fuckin moron!
4. 100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?
5. Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.
6. You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT
7. Save Your Breath .. You'll need it to blow up your date!
8. Forget world peace. Visualize using your fucking turn signal.
9. My Hockey Mom Can Beat the shit out of Your Soccer Mom!
10. My juvenile delinquent got your honor student pregnant.
11. GROW YOUR OWN DOPE, PLANT A MAN
12. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets
13. Some people are only alive because murder is illegal.
14. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
15. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
16.So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.
17.The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
18. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
19. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
20. Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
21. Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
22. Hang the fuck up and drive the fucking car.
23. Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
24. I see your IQ test results were negative.
25. Where there's a will...I want to be on it.
26. We are born naked, wet, and hungry..Then things get worse.
27. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
28. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
29. Be nice to your kids.They will pick out your nursing home.
30. Honk If You Want To See My Finger