A magazine ran a Dilbert quotes
These are actual quotes from managers out there.
"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the winning quote from Charles Hurst at Sun Microsystems)
"What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter."
"How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff?"
"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only to be used for company business."
"Turnover is good for the company, as it proves that we are doing a good job in training people."
"This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."
"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."