Captain Janeway was as good as her word.
She brought the croutons.
Neelix's potluck was the soothing balm the crew of Voyager needed to ease their battle-weary minds and frayed nerves. The galaxy just didn't seem quite as hostile when your stomach was full and your family was around you.
The five former crewmen from the Equinox declined to attend, which was probably a good thing for all concerned. Having a fight break out in the middle of the potluck would have been cause for widespread indigestion.
Chakotay sat at a table in the far corner, away from the main flow of traffic and conversation - which was exactly how he wanted it. He had a guarantee that he'd be left alone, however.
The captain was seated with him.
Neither of the commanding officers were oblivious to the looks they were garnering from their crew. While only a couple looks were outright hostility aimed at the captain, most were a combination of bewilderment and wariness, also aimed at their captain. The captain who had, in the last couple years, managed to swing from depression to brittleness to, as illustrated by recent events, outright obsession.
The captain of Voyager was playing with fire, and they all felt the heat.
If the looks his captain was garnering annoyed Chakotay, he was downright angry at the ones he was getting: concern laced with a touch of pity. Once again, it seemed, he'd played the role of Janeway's whipping boy a little too well.
But damn it, somewhere inside that seething mass of contradictions was his best friend. He'd vowed to go to hell and back for her.
This time, he had.
Chakotay watched as Kathryn poked listlessly at her meal. The only portion of it she'd finished was the salad - his salad. "I liked your croutons," he offered gently.
She glanced up, startled, as if she'd forgotten where she was. As his comment sank in, a ghost of a smile graced her lips. "Old family recipe. But croutons are only as good as the salad they grace. Mine were honored to be in yours."
He grinned, and his facial muscles reminded him that it had been several days since he'd last done so. "Tom's pepperoni pizza was a hit. I passed on that, but I did enjoy the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches." He then reached under the table and presented the captain with the plate he'd kept secreted on his lap. "And I managed to grab the last piece of Naomi's lemon meringue pie. I beat Seven to it by about two seconds. Share it with me?"
After a moment of hesitation, Janeway shrugged and pushed her plate aside, rescuing her fork and digging into the dessert. She grimaced a bit with the first bite. "Ugh. I'm going to have to brush my teeth after this. This stuff has to be 95% sugar."
Chakotay noticed, however, that she didn't stop with the first bite. He dug in himself, realizing that he'd better do so quickly before she ate it all.
Across the room, Tom nudged B'Elanna. "Check it out," he said, tilting his head in the direction of their CO's.
The engineer watched them, her eyes narrowing. "How touching," she spat sarcastically. "She confines him to quarters and nearly gets us all killed on her little bloodthirsty quest, and now they're making nice and sharing dessert."
The venom in her voice was not lost on Tom, who shared a bit of it himself. "I can understand why he carried a torch for her the first few years, but now? Damn it, Seven acts more human than she does. The woman is starting to scare me."
"I would suggest that your personal opinions would be better shared in a less public venue."
The stern voice of their security chief made them both look up. Tuvok's eyes raked across them coldly. "Just because we voiced the thought before you doesn't mean you have to get all authoritarian on us, Tuvok," Tom shot back.
"My thoughts are my own, and I would thank you not to attempt to infer them, Ensign," the Vulcan replied, emphasizing ever so slightly Tom's rank.
Janeway watched the little scene across the room unfolding. She was unable to hear the words, but the little glances in her direction told her she was the main topic of contention. Tuvok walked away from the couple in question, and something inside her snapped when a few more of the crew approached Tom and B'Elanna and all looked her way.
Abruptly, Janeway stood and threw her napkin on the table. "I need to go," she said, her voice clipped. Before Chakotay could respond, she turned and fled the room.
The commander surveyed the room, looking for the cause of the problem. It didn't take him long to find it. Tom and B'Elanna now sat among a cluster of crew, all of them talking quietly, if heatedly, gesturing in the air and shooting little glances all at his table.
The looming presence of their first officer disrupted the little debate. Everyone went dead silent as Chakotay towered over them, his wrath making him more than just a little intimidating. "I think I already know what this is about, but why doesn't someone here explain it to me, regardless."
"We can't have a little dinner conversation?" Tom asked defiantly.
"Not when it involves the captain and she's sitting mere meters away. That's called courtesy."
"Yeah, it was real courteous of her to play Ahab and nearly get us all killed," Crewman Henley shot back.
Chakotay's glare was more than enough to silence her. "Stow it, Mariah. I think you all need to go back to your tables and put food in your mouths, rather than words."
"Why are you so intent on protecting her?" Ken Dalby demanded. "She screwed you over again and you're still covering for her!"
Tuvok's unannounced, yet restraining hand on his shoulder was all that kept Chakotay's fist from plowing, as it had once before a long time ago, into Kenneth Dalby's face. "I will deal with this, Commander." Chakotay turned to face him, and Tuvok offered him a padd. "This is for the captain. She left before I could give it to her. Perhaps you could deliver it for me."
Tuvok's support was unexpected, but welcome. Chakotay wordlessly accepted the padd and left, the roar of the outraged crew filtering through the doors just as they closed behind him.
It took three tries and a threat before the captain allowed him into her quarters. The room was dark, and she had taken up a post at the window, staring out at the stars. It was a pose that Chakotay had come to recognize these last two years. The captain was hurting, and she would deal with it alone, with only the stars in the cold vacuum beyond for company.
Chakotay laid the padd on the arm of the couch closest to where Janeway was standing. She glanced down at it after a moment. "What's this?"
"My 'Get Out of Jail Free' card," Chakotay replied with a sigh. Her puzzled look forced him to elaborate. "There was... a little unpleasantness in the mess hall. Tuvok gave me that to give to you as an excuse for me to come here."
She turned back to the window. "They're angry. At me. And I don't blame them. I crossed the line."
He wasn't going to speak to her back. He joined her at the window and tilted her head up with a gentle finger under her chin. "Yes, you did," he agreed. "But you crossed back over again. So did Ransom, at the end. That should mean something."
Her eyes were dark and stormy. "It means that I did it once, I could do it again. Few more years down the road, and Voyager's captain will be a raving lunatic. Might have to stage that little mutiny after all, Chakotay."
The stark defeat he heard in her voice shook him deeply. He turned and stalked into her bedroom. When she heard him rummaging around, curiosity got the better of her and she walked over to the doorway and peered in. She found Chakotay perusing the contents of her closet. "Commander, what the hell are you doing?"
He glanced over his shoulder, then continued rifling through her clothes. "I was looking for your hair shirt. I figured it should be in here somewhere. Or maybe your sackcloth and ashes. In the dresser, perhaps?"
If he was trying to rile her up, he was doing a damned good job of it. She crossed the room and yanked him away from her closet, then smacked a hand against the door control. "If you have something to say, say it. If not, leave. I'm really not in the mood for this."
"I could submit it to you in written form. But that didn't work, either," he shot back. "Kathryn, you made a mistake. You are human. If you'd remember that a little more frequently, we'd have a lot fewer problems. You made a mistake, you learned from it, and now it's time to move on. We've got 35 years to go on this journey. Are you with us or not?"
"The crew - "
"Will get over it," he interrupted. "Yes, they're angry, worried, and still a little scared right now. But you're still their captain. Their human captain. They'll learn, and they'll forgive. It might not be today, or next week, or next month. But they'll forgive." He laid his hands on her shoulders and squeezed gently. "I did." He slid his hands over and lightly caressed the sides of her neck with his thumbs.
Her eyes locked with his. She desperately needed to believe him, needed that thought to begin the healing process. "You're still angry," she said quietly.
He sighed. "Yes. I'm very angry, and I'm very hurt. But that doesn't mean I don't understand what happened. I do, somewhat. And I can forgive, regardless of my feelings. We'll deal with it. We always have."
His thoughts remained unspoken. She said it for him. "I'm not alone. I was never alone, was I?"
After a moment of surprise, he pulled her against him. She stiffened slightly, then wrapped her arms around him in a tentative hug. It was warm, human contact, and they both were sorely in need of it. "No, you weren't alone, Kathryn. And neither was I."
They held each other for a few moments, then returned to the living room to stare out at the stars.
Together.
The ensuing days would not be easy on Voyager, for any of them. But they were, in some fashion or another, family.
And families stick together.