1. An IRS tax audit is like church, lots of praying.

2. Criticism usually comes back home to roost.

2. I am a young man until I shave.

3. Young men carry big sticks while old men search for needles in haystacks.

4. Action is better than inaction.

5. Power is how fast work is done. 

6. Men love to work.  Therefore, work cannot be punishment.

7. It is easier to pray than to work.  Work is a valid and honest prayer.

8. The older you get the more you have to work to stay alive.

9. The produce of work is the highest form of religion.

10.  Work cleanses the soul.

11. Men were designed to hunt and fish, women to work.

12. In Indian country women did all the work, then the white man came.

13. Sing and dance after harvest work is done

14.  The Great Spirit made men to perspire and women to sweat.

15. Knowledge is surrounded by ignorance.

16. Work is surrounded by laziness.

17. Intelligence is surrounded by stupidity.

18. Beauty is surrounded by ugly.

19. The chief is surrounded by the tribe.

20. When the chief is stupid, so is his tribe.

21. How many gods build churches?

22. Be like the buzzards; share your road kill and you will become a great chief.

23. The path to the Happy Hunting Ground is to share your kill with the tribe.

24. There never was a time when there was no creation.

25. The natural habits of a baby must have come from past lives.

26. People act according to their own natures.

27. Nice is always nice.

28. Trust the Truth even if it has the face of a grizzly, teeth of a rattler, and eyes of mountain lion.

29. It’s better to face the challenge, than to hide in silence.

30. If you want courage, sit with the braves.

31. Winters ain’t too bad around here, if you don’t go outside (a Montana cowboy).

32. Do not hide you assets. Let ‘em hang out.

33. He was just picking & licking his own boogers.

34. You cannot own Mother Earth, but you can climb the high mountain.

35. When walking barefoot in the cow lot, surprises are not welcome.

36. Swimming in molasses is sticky.

37. Rattlesnakes cure attention deficit.

38. A clothes line can stop you in midair.

39. Chicken lice communicate well without language.

40. Ticks get personal when they are on you.

41. The elk shits elk shit.

42. A large bear track talks a lot.

43. The sage hen hides in surprise.

Geese fly in flocks.

Fish swim in schools.

Buffalo travel in herds.

Lions live in prides.

Men live in cities.

We are protected by likeness.

44. Be happy; eat buffalo.

45. No one can put you down without your consent.
46. If you have a reason, you don’t need to holler.

47. Barely enough is better than too little or too much.

48. Only Christians are in hell because they believe in it.

49. A walking eagle is so full of shit he can’t fly.

50. Shit collects.  One dog flop attracts another.

51. True retirement is carrying a Wal-Mart bag full of dog shit.

52. The more shit it the bag, the more prestigious the retirement.

53. You might be stupid if you eat chicken shit twice.

54. Chicken shit always tastes like chicken shit every time you taste it.

55. Remember the white spot on chicken shit, is still chicken shit.

56. You might be stupid if you eat the white spot out of chicken shit.

57. Special is like fresh chicken shit on an empty yard.

58.  The differences between feces, potty, shit, dung, scheisse, caca, mierda & manure ain’t much.

59.  True prayer occurs when one has diarrhea, is about to shit his pants, and is twenty yards from the toilet.  Those 20 yards are holy ground.

60.  Bullshit begins with belief.

61.  Standing knee deep & barefooted in bullshit is good exercise for politicians.

62. Bullshit starts with religion and ends in politicians.

63.  Salesmen prosper on bullshit.

64. Every little bit helps, even peeing on a forest fire.

65. You might be stupid if you believe bullshit.

66. Sexual abstinence has created a health risk for young men.  There has been an increased incidence of shattered erected penises.

67. Once a brave abstained form sex too long, his sperm jumped out and killed him.

68. You might be stupid if you clean your cesspool with dynamite.

69. You might be stupid if you look down the barrel of a loaded gun.

70. You might be ignorant if you eat your suppository.

71. You might be ignorant if you insert your birth control pill.

72. Don’t get mad, don’t get even, just get what you want.

73. A good wife doesn’t complain about riding in the back of the pickup truck.

74. When in doubt slow down.

75.  A fisherman is a licensed liar.

76.  With fishermen the first liar is always at a disadvantage

77.  Curiosity is the threshold to learning.

78. Sex generates curiosity; therefore, learning begins with it.

79.  Educational reform pours slop from a round bucket to a square one before feeding the hogs.

80.  I’ve been really worried about the ancient equator on Mars.

81.  A serious wound used to be an arrow in the stomach; today it’s a broken clicking finger.

82.  In capitalism the rich win and the poor lose.

83.  In communism the powerful win and the weak lose.

84.  Freedom leaves capitalists & communists alone.

85.  Injun statistics indicate a probable relation between eating and obesity.

86.  Weathermen and medicine men use Injun statistics; they make a S.W.A.G.

87.  Injun statistics indicate significant correlation between birthdays and age.

88. Injun statistics indicate a significant correlation between marriage and divorce. 

89. Injun statistics found a significant correlation between sweat and work.

90. Injun statistics show a high probability that squaws may become pregnant

91.  Knowing does not count like doing, e.g., smokers & eaters.

92.  Some folks attain a high level of stupidity without going to school.

93. Rules help us do what’s wrong.

94. Good hearing means you can hear a gnat fart at 40 yards.

95.  War veterans believe that drunkenness is a mission.

96.  It’s consoling to know that drunks won all wars.

97.  You might be a Texan if you have cow shit on your boots.

98.  You might be a Texan if you voted for Bush.

99. You might be a Texan if you don’t bath.

100. You might be a Texan if you believe steak is a vegetable.

101. You might be a Texan if you married your sister.

102. You might be a Texan if your lawn is a 40 acre cow pasture.

103. You might be a drunk, if you are Texan.

104. You might be a drunk, if you are a veteran.

105. You might be a drunk, if you are Injun.

106.  You might be a drunk, if you sleep in the street.

107. Only republicans are Baptist (a good reason for being a drunk).

108.  If there are only republicans in Heaven, thank God I’m going to hell.

109.  “Vegetarian” is an old Cherokee word for bad hunter.

110.  Will primordial comet dust wash off?

111. Watch out for the gnat with an erection!

112. Punish someone you love, you punish yourself.

113.  The Great Spirit did not exist until white medicine men voted Him in.

114. Without Mother Earth there is no man. Without men there is no Mother Earth.

115. The Great Spirit lives in all things and in all places.

116. Without humans there is no god.  Without God there are no humans.

117. How many dogs build churches?

118.  Without religion there would be no war.

119. Religion abhors democracy.

120. Religion dictates thinking & the menu.

121. Religion perpetuates authoritarianism.

122. Religion protects dictators.

123. God, Allah, and Buddha are three divine dictators.

124. Religion removes freedom.

125. Religion reduces intelligence.

126.  Hormones reduce intelligence.

127. If preaching worked, we’d be living in utopia by now.

128. Intelligence seeks alternatives.

129. Even a mouse loves freedom.