Will Rogers Writing Style – Example 4: BRIEFS
WASHINGTON, D. C., Aug. 24 (1927) – Arrived in Washington
today to examine the new White House roof. If it don’t fall on me, why
Mr. Coolidge can quit teasing those little perch and come on home and get to vetoing.
Fixing up and spending $400,000 on that house is just another one of the dozen things that makes me know he is going
to run again. Can you see him spending that much dough out of his administration
to fix up a house for somebody else to live in? Don’t be silly. It’s fixed great. He will be crazy about the old homestead
when he sees it. He won’t want to move out in 1932.
WASHINGTON, D. C., Aug. 26 (1927) – Tourists, you are missing something
if you don’t visit Washington while the politicians are not here. You have no idea the difference it makes. The
bootleggers have followed their constituents back home. The embassy bars are
closed; even Washington’s national pest, the lobbyists, have gone home
to take up another collection. Why, if they could get this Capitol moved away
from here this would be one of the best towns I America. I think there are people
in this city smart enough to vote.
P.S. – There hasn’t been a cuspidor used since Congress adjourned.
WASHINGTON, D. C., Aug. 29 (1927) – I see the customs authorities
in England searched the round-the-world fliers when they landed. I guess they thought the boys had smuggled over a couple of baby grand pianos or some
early Oklahoma period furniture. I
was there last summer when Gertrude Ederle swam in and they searched her. Figured
she had brought in some cigars or cigarette or millinery in the pockets of her bathing suit, I reckon. People tell you England has no humor. Why, they are funny even when they don’t try to be.
WASHINGTON, D. C., Aug. 31 (1927) – Just finished taking scenes
here in Washington for a movie of the old stage play, Hoyt’s “A
Texas Steer.” It was the story of a man elected to Washington
on bought votes. We are bringing it up to date by not changing it at all. In
the stage version he didn’t know what to do when he got in Congress. That
part is allowed to remain as it was. He used to play poker more than legislate. That’s left in. There was a little
drinking among the members at that time. For correct detail in our modern version
that has been allowed to remain in.
LAFAYETTE, La., Jan. 23 (1928) – Just passed
through the lower Mississippi flood district again, first time since last May. Congress has taken up the tariff, farm relief, big navy, Al Smith, Ku
Klux, Nicaragua, Cuban independence, Mexican oil, Boulder
Dam and Tom Heflin, but nothing has been said about building the dikes higher. They
will wait till the night they adjourn and then pass a resolution against another flood.
NEW YORK, N. Y., Feb. 20 (1929) – It seems to be the nation’s
pastime now to offer Mr. Coolidge a job. I see today where the Denver Post offered
him $75,000. I wonder if Mr. Coolidge wired back, “Is that to read it?” It looks like he will become a syndicate writer.
Then all he will know is just what he reads in the papers. He will then
become a “trained seal.” That’s what they call a special writer
covering an event.
Well, us old-time newspaper men will give him a great welcome among us, Dempsey, Babe Ruth and myself. I would like to sit in the press stand by Mr. Coolidge’s side, covering this next farm-relief session
of Congress. I bet he would get more laughs out of it than anybody there.
NEW YORK, N. Y., Feb. 21 (1929) – Washington’s Birthday. Hear the political speeches delivered under the guise of being addresses on Washington! They will start out by saying that, “It’s the birthday of our first President. Had he lived to see the fruits of the great Republican Party…”
As a matter of fact, there wasn’t any Republicans in Washington’s
day. No Republicans, no boll weevil, no income tax, no cover charge, no disarmament
conferences, no luncheon clubs, no stoplights, no head winds. Liquor was a companion,
and not a problem. No margins, no ticket speculators, no golf pants or Scotch
jokes, and Tom hadn’t yet read about the iniquities of Rome.
My Lord, living in those times, who wouldn’t be great?
From Will Rogers’ Daily Telegrams
