Read this well before you start dating!
This is not sex education.
On average, males and females think differently. This is especially true when it comes to love and marriage. This page is written mainly for girls and women to try to help them understand these relationships, and how to avoid being hurt by the "wrong" man. (Yes, for those who may doubt it, there are "right' men out there! YOU JUST HAVE TO LOOK FOR THEM!)
Before we can understand the social relations between male and female, we first need to look at animals in general. In the lower animals there are some rather common factors in mating. They are common because they have certain survival values.
- Males produce many sperm with the expenditure of very little energy, so they can mate with many females.
- Females produce only one or a few eggs at a time.
- Males try to mate with as many females as possible, so their genes will be reproduced in many offspring.
- Females usually can choose their mate, selecting the strongest male they can find. This works to produce strong offspring that will survive and be successful.
- While female animals are busy raising their young, often the male is not needed, and can mate with other females, assuring that more of his genes will be reproduced.
- Since the strongest male is usually chosen by many females, the total population of that animal species will be stronger. This is a survival advantage!
We have developed big brains that are nowhere near fully physically developed when we are born. We are totally dependent upon adult humans for a very long time. Our brains continue to grow and rewire themselves until we are around 20 years old.
Not only do our brains finish developing very late in life, compared to other animals, but also we have to jam a lot more knowledge into them. All during this time, the children are dependent upon adults.
Because of this very long dependent childhood, one parent raising the children is at very best very difficult, and all too often results in some degree of failure.
Because of this requirement to build and train our large brains, we have had to change the usual way we mate and raise children. We have over many thousand of years developed a system different than other animals, wherein a man and woman come together in marriage. A marriage is supposed to last for as long as the man and woman live.
With this new system, there are two people with full responsibility for the children and who join forces to raise and train them. For a long period of history, there was a further organization of the extended family, or groups of extended families living together in a clan, community, tribe, or village. These new social structures provided the support needed to carry our offspring through their long development period. These social structures and our relationships are made of ideas and standards that exist as thoughts in our minds. They have to be taught.
When we are born we carry in us the genes that drive other animals to mate as I described in the section "ABOUT MATING IN THE ANIMAL KINGDOM." We males start out life with the wired in instinct to mate with as many females as possible. Unless we learn the new ways, when we reach maturity, the instinct starts to work. I call this person an adult human male. I don't call him a man, because to be a man, he must have developed the modern patterns of mating for life, community living, and child rearing.
If we are trained properly we learn the mental thought-changes that support the newer way of mating and raising children. When we mature this way we become a man.
This development of the human male can be carried one step further. If we learn humility, fairness, honesty, empathy, spirituality, and other moral behaviors and abilities, we have then grown to be a gentleman. We have finally arrived at the highest stage of male humankind. (Read the essay titled "What is a Gentleman?")
You still have the power to choose your mate. You can pick someone who is fully developed, or you can pick someone who is still in the stage of literally acting like an animal.
But at first it may be difficult to tell which are the males who are fully developed (gentlemen) and which are the ones who are just human animals. The male human animal is usually not stupid. He knows the female is looking for a man or gentleman. He will try to act the part.
Males, especially immature ones, usually believe that all males think and feel the same way they do. Because of this, they will often express their true selves to another male, but will not do so to a female. I have been around for 67 years now. I have witnessed men and young men express their true thoughts many times. For example if they see a girl with a bare midriff, showing her belly, they might say things like, "Boy, I'd like to help her get all the way out of those pants!" The only "program" he has in his head is the instinct to mate with every female that comes near!
Girls, do you think I am kidding or wrong? If so, find a gentleman in your family or school and ask him: "Is Mr. Andrews right about this?"
Girls, if you think I am right, then start practicing being very choosy.
- Watch how the boy treats other people, especially other girls and women.
- Does he at all times act like a real gentleman? To you, and to others?
- Is he always kind? To you, and to others?
- Does he show signs of selfishness?
- Does he go out of his way to help other people?
- Does he have sexy pictures in his room or schoolbooks?
- Does he work well in groups?
You might say, "But Mr. Andrews, I am only 13 years old! It is too soon to think about marriage!" True. But it is not too early to practice making judgments about boys. If you have not developed the good habit of observing male behavior, when you do fall in love, it may be with the wrong male, for the wrong reasons. When you are in love, you will not be thinking clearly. The emotions you will have will block out critical thinking. It will be too late to learn the tricks of picking a good man.
But if you have learned to automatically look for high quality boys, you will likely never get involved with anyone who is not high quality. You can view it as a game, one where you have a lot of power! Power that will ultimately be of great benefit to YOU!
And remember, it is you who has the power to choose! That means that if the boy turns out to still be an animal, you can choose to stop seeing him! Its like the old saying, "Good riddance of bad rubbish!"
I hope that this paper makes a lot of sense to you. Girls, pick gentlemen, PLEASE!
- Mr. Andrews