Life Phases
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Life Phases |
As we go through life, we can develop as we should, or we can get hung up at some point in our development. (Remember that development is not smooth. There are no clearly defined moments in time, when we advance to the next stage.)
Dependent: We
come into the world being totally dependent for all our
needs.
During childhood we learn things to help us become independent. We learn to speak, to tie our shoes,to feed ourselves, etc. It is a slow process.
This childhood development goes fairly well until we enter our teens. Then, our bodies and minds say we are ready to be completely independent, but we can't be. (The essay, "Why is There So Much Conflict Between Teenagers and Their Parents?" expands this idea.)
Some people stay very dependent upon others. It is difficult for them to take control of their lives. They look to others to tell them what to do, or to do it for them.
Independent:
Finally, we are out on our own and
independent. We can look out for ourselves and take action to meet
our needs. We are looking out for "number 1" (ourselves). We are very
self-centered and selfish.
Many people get stuck at this level.
Interdependence:
We get married, and may have children. We now need to develop
interdependence. We need to learn to live in harmony with our spouse.
There is division of labor. We become dependent upon each other, in a
more or less equal partnership. We must learn to trust the other
person to meet our needs, and we must learn to meet the needs of our
spouse and our children.
Some people never develop the ability to be interdependent. This becomes a real threat to a relationship, especially marriage.
Consolidation
is a period of growth and acquisition: We are building a family,
a business, and a home. We grow in our knowledge and wisdom. Some of
us develop spiritually. We are busy earning a living, growing in
wealth.
Philanthropy is
a giving back. Some of us reach a point in our lives where we don't
need any more things, or more money. We retire.
The next step in social development is a desire to give back to society.
If we have a lot of money, we may start donating it to worthy causes that we think are important.
We may do volunteer work.
If we have developed knowledge or wisdom, we can write a book, or create a web site designed to pass it on to others. I hope that is what my web sites will do.
Maybe it is simply that we can no longer drive a car safely, and have to use dial-a-ride. Maybe we need someone to do the daily chores we used to do, such as clean the house, take care of the yard, or fix things that break.
Sometimes our minds don't work too well anymore, and our judgment becomes poor.
One spouse usually dies first, and our helpmate can't help us anymore.
Some of us need medical attention, either once in a while, or all of the time.
For some people, it is very hard for them to give up their independence. They don't want to be dependent upon others. They fight it. They can become dangerous to themselves and to others.
I don't want to give the impression that old age is a disaster. A lot of old people are able to function pretty well. But it is true, that we can't do as much as we used to. It is true that we become dependent upon others, at least to some degree.
If we are wise when we grow old we make decisions to maximize the good to everyone, while minimizing the possibility of very bad things from happening. We are able to say to our self,
Russ Andrews