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for example, the school district's expectations for your child — academic, behavioral, emotional and even physical or functional — have to be typed out on forms before the IEP meeting.  Compiled with input from the teacher and other professionals, the goals cover every subject area and type of service your child is due to receive in the coming year. 

         Though the school district's goals must be made available to parents ahead of time, they're usually not offered until the IEP meeting.  Make sure you request them at least a week in advance, and read them carefully.  "Parents may have completely different goals, so it's good to see the school's goals in advance, so you're caught off-guard," says Gibson.  "Make notes of what you don't understand or agree with.  Come to the meeting with a good idea of your own goals for your child."

         Once, a proposed goal for Kelsey was to type a four- or five-sentence paragraph with "90 percent accuracy."  Her mom wondered how that accuracy was to be measured.  She suggested the goal be redefined to score specific aspects such as punctuation, grammar and spelling.  The school district agreed.

Building the IEP

         Once you've done your homework and had your meetings, you should be able to build an IEP with everything your child needs.  The IEP is a written statement of educational goals for your child, both short-term and for the entire school year, and the exact services and accommodations your child needs to achieve those goals.

         The IEP should include:

· a statement of your child's current educational status;

· what you and the school team expect your child to be able to do by year's end;

· what special services or technology your child needs to accomplish these goals;

· when and where those modifications will occur;

· how long they will last;

· how much of the school day your child will spend separated from nondisabled students (for example, will she need to come out of class for special instruction, such as speech therapy?);

· whether your child will need an exemption or assistance to complete standardized assessment tests throughout the year;

· how school personnel will measure your child's progress.

         If your child is in high school, plans for his or her transition to post-graduation life must be addressed.

         Every detail should be spelled out.  "Your IEP has to be extremely clear and specific," explains Cameron, mother of Allison.  "A fifth-grader should be able to understand and follow it."  If your family moves, or if your child's teacher takes a leave of absence, the new teacher should be able to pick up the IEP and know exactly what to do.

         For many parents, the most crucial element of the IEP is the list of special accommodations.  This includes both simple items such as ramps, and sophisticated technology such as a speech synthesizer, listening device, voice-operated tape recorder, or laptop computer.  The list can include a "shadow teacher" or aide to assist with holding books, turning pages, taking notes, interpreting sign language, or eating lunch.

         You can also specify certain qualities the aide should and shouldn't have.  Does the aide have to be strong enough to reposition your child in the wheelchair?  Will your child have difficulty communicating with an aide who has a strong accent?  Put it in the IEP. 

         These preferences become even more important as your child grows up.  "If you have a boy in sixth grade, it's time to insist on a male attendant, so he doesn't have to have a female help with toileting," says Cameron.

         Don't make assumptions or expect anything to work on automatic pilot.  Cameron says, "Even seemingly simple things like getting a table in the classroom that Allison can slide her wheelchair footrests under, so she can use her laptop, can take six to eight weeks!"

Tense Encounters

         You can list everything your child needs, but what happens if the school district doesn't agree?  It can be a tense situation, often a standoff.

         The University of Northern Colorado's National Center on Low-Incidence Disabilities has a Web site listing responses commonly heard at IEP meetings, with suggestions of how to answer them.  For instance, if a school administrator says, "Sorry, we don't have the money," you might answer: "I can appreciate the dilemma you face in these times of budgetary constraints, but what we have to focus on right now is my child's need for a notetaker." 

         If they say, "We're not convinced your child needs that," you can ask for elaboration.  Are there specific reasons for their doubt?  Do you buy their reasons?  You might try saying, "I can appreciate your many years of experience and training.  But I need to be sure my child's IEP team has taken into consideration and duly respected my perspective as the parent."

         Don't leave loose ends or let anything get glossed over.  If you're told "We'll get back to you on that," don't sign the IEP.  "We'll do the best we can to get that for you" is not good enough.  Everything should be specified in writing before you sign the IEP. 

         Of course, your goals for your child have to be reasonable, too.  Marylee Brown, whose daughter Elizabeth has CP, says, "Deep in my heart I want Lizzie to walk.  But I know that's unreachable at this point.  So her goals are based on the steps it takes to get to that point--making sure that her posture and alignment are correct, and so forth."

         You should base your expectations on what you know your child can achieve if given a fair chance, with appropriate equipment and services.  On the other hand, don't accept lower expectations for your child because of a school district's resistance to providing the necessary — and legally required — accommodations.

         It's important to remember that you — the parent — have the last word.  To go into effect, the IEP has to be signed by the parent; the school district cannot begin to educate your child without your full consent.  That gives you an advantage.  It's the school district's responsibility to make you happy.  Melissa Reider, who has two sons with autism, says, "I do not sign IEPs if I do not agree 100 percent."

         And, if you do sign the IEP and later wish to make changes, you have the right to schedule another meeting to review or revise it.

Seeking Redress

         Despite the school district's responsibility to please parents, sometimes coming to an agreement proves impossible.  In those cases, you might have to agree to disagree, and ask for another meeting.

         Schedule a time to meet again, and give the issues a lot of thought before then.  Can you improve your case?  Is there any merit to the other side's?  Consider a compromise.  You might suggest trying a particular plan for a predetermined trial period.

         However, if you cannot come to an agreement with the IEP team, or if you feel the IEP isn't being followed in good faith, your next recourse is mediation.

         In mediation, you again meet with representatives of the school district, but this time an unbiased third party, called a mediator, is present.  Mediation can help both sides arrive at an understanding.  Gibson feels the mediation process works, in part because school districts are anxious to stay on schedule and the delay in finalizing the IEP gives parents an advantage.  "The school district watches the timeline carefully," she says.

         If mediation fails, the next level of recourse is called "due process."  In due process, both you and the school district present your respective cases in front of a hearing officer, who ultimately decides how to settle your differences.  The hearing officer has more power than the mediator.  If both mediation and due process fail, you should file a complaint with your state's department of education.  The state education agency must resolve your issue within 60 days.  "You have to be prepared to file a noncompliance complaint rather than going back to the same people — the IEP team — over and over again," says Cameron.  "You have to be comfortable working your way up the chain of command."  No matter how well planned your IEP might be, there is no guarantee it will be followed.  The threat of a noncompliance complaint can be your security.

         Cameron has filed a complaint nearly every year her daughter has been in school, except for four years when Allison was in a very cooperative school.  "You don't need a lawyer," she says.  "You write a letter to the state education agency that says, 'I want to file a complaint for failure to comply with the IEP.'  You include a copy of the IEP, and explain what hasn't been done." 

         That's another good reason for having an IEP that a fifth-grader could understand — the clearer the IEP, the stronger your noncompliance grievance. 

         After receiving your complaint, the state education agency must promptly investigate.  That is often enough to get the ball rolling.  "I've found that as soon as the state education department contacts the school district, the district does what I wanted," says Cameron.

Know Your Rights

         Throughout the IEP process, you should know your legal rights.  Don't expect others to tell you your rights or to automatically respect them.

         According to the law, the school district must provide "free, appropriate, public education" (often referred to by its initials, FAPE) in the "least restrictive environment."  This means a child shouldn't be forced into an uncomfortable situation or a segregated class or school unless you feel it's necessary. 

         Don't get talked into trying to raise funds for your child's accommodation.  It's not your responsibility.  You can stay flexible about precisely how your child's needs are met, but be firm about ensuring the service or modification is provided.

         Says Cameron, "The more you know the law, the more you know how to get what your child needs."

         Start with Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973, which mandates public schools to provide "reasonable accommodations" for students with disabilities.  Then read the latest version of the IDEA.  Finally, understand the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990.  There are many Web sites that can help you understand these laws that define the rights of people with disabilities, including kids, and their families.

         Then, share what you've learned with your child.  After all, these are his or her rights.

Keep Your Kids in the Loop

         In fact, it's important to share as much information about the IEP with your child as possible.  From your very first IEP meeting, understand your child's needs and desires — what makes him or her comfortable and able to achieve. 

         "It's helpful to talk to your child about his or her feelings about school — what works and what clearly doesn't," says Michael Routh, another IEP veteran.  "For older children, encourage them to take an active role in the meeting.  Student-directed IEPs are the thing of the future."

         Typically, students' attendance at an IEP meeting is required starting in middle school, as the IEP begins to reflect plans for transition to life after high school.  But Cameron suggests bringing your child to IEP meetings early on.  "In the beginning, the child will get bored in 10 minutes and go back to class," she says.  "But as your child matures, he or she might stay an hour, ask some important questions, or raise concerns you hadn't thought of."

         Attending the IEP meeting with your child gives you a chance to demonstrate how to assert one's rights.  Cameron says, "It's a great practice ground for learning to speak up for themselves."

The Value of Experience

         Learning is what it's all about, after all.  And experience may be the best teacher.  You can learn from others' experiences, too.  Talk to other parents.  Pick their brains for solutions to especially vexing problems.  Use all the support you can get.

         You can never count on cooperation from the school district, even after years of going through the same procedures.  Yet there are rewards won from past successes and lessons learned from failures.  "The amount of services that are out there, and finally knowing how to get them!" marvels Gibson.  "This knowledge comes from talking to advocates, counselors, and especially other parents."

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