Ok, the following are purely my most judgmental thoughts regarding the Oscar's which I acknowledge and honor as such, and share in the most caring manner as hopefully it will provide guidance for the stars when they are dressing next year-

I thought Susan Sarandon was the most beautiful audience member, and Charlize Theron was a very close second! Thought Uma Thurman looked like a Christmas angel escaped from the Christmas tree, and Angelina Jolie looked elegant until you saw her stupid sailor-man tattoo on her arm! Tacky, totally ruined the look! Nicole Kidman looked beautiful as usual, but from the side her dress looked kind of precarious, like her sisters were stuck up too high, and about ready to jump out the top. Oprah Winfrey wore the same dress she wore last time but in a different color! What's with that * she has 10 zillion dollars and orders the same dress in different colors? (Last time it was mocha, this time gray.)- Billy Crystal is a buffoon, and, has grown old man jowls, and is NOT FUNNY ANY MORE. He picked on poor

Bill Murray when he didn't win, and I felt really sorry for Bill, he looked like he was going to cry, and I love Bill: don't mess with Bill!

Why do so many of the youngish (or ones that are trying to pretend they are youngish) men have that partially grown stubbly beard looking thing! Spiderman (Toby Maguire) looked like he had food stuck in his, but maybe

it was a spider web....

And than, they sat all the hobbits together, which was very creepy! Especially since to Hobbit-Phobics they ARE

WEIRD AND CREEPY BY THEMSELVES. You put 'em together and eauuuu!

And, the guy that made the hobbit movie LOOKS LIKE A GIANT HOBBIT AND HIS WIFE AND HER GIRLFRIEND (or whatever) LOOKED LIKE WITCHES FROM HOCUS POCUS! all they needed was their cauldron and a couple of warts (which they may have had, I was afraid to look too closely at them)-

Renee looked like she borrowed Boris Karloff's Mummy outfit and than had her mom tie a big giant bow on the back to hold it in place-LIKE A GIANT BANDAGE! White is not a good color for her, and she's a bit too chubbo for strapless look, which honestly does not look good on most women ever and I believe it's a plot by male designers who secretly hate women, and tell them that strapless is a must, so they can later laugh at them behind their backs.

I thought Annie Lennox's dress was most unflattering on her, she has terrible posture, and the dress accented her lack of grace. She should have stuck to dark colors, possibly matching the upholstery or walls would have been a smart move, and possibly one of those bras which actlike a harness and make you put your shoulders back. Aerosmith daughter (Liv Tyler) was, I think, a robot, not sure, but she was so monotone, anddull * I felt sorry for her, and can't really in good conscience rip her to shreds as I believe she's 'riding the short bus', but I will say, what's with the hairdo? Looked like she was trying to cover a growth on the left side of her head.

Thought Susan Sarandon's hubby (Tim Robbins) was possibly sprouting multiple horns from his head, but it could have been a bad gel job. Michael Douglas borrowed Jack Nicholson's glasses and looked as though possibly he hadn't recovered from recent eye job.

Poor Diane Keaton, I love her, but GET SOME NEW CLOTHES BABE!

Clint Eastwood was sitting next to what I thought was his twin sister, but it turned out it was his mother. (He should have won best director; I lost a Snickers bar on him) -

Adrian Brody was 'how you say' CREEPY! eauu. Charlize should have 'monstered him'.

And the 'entertainment', ick! I heard dogs howling during the warbling singing of what I guess were supposed to some kind of folk songs? The only interesting entertainment was the group from the Triplets of Belleville cartoon that actually played a bicycle as an instrument. At least they were fresh and different, and were not whining through their noses.

The women for the most part all looked alike, nothing exciting or unusual in terms of clothes and hair. It's like they all went to the same place to get fixed up! The men were so dull for the most part, there's not much you can say about them other than "Can you get my car, valet?"

Over all: dull! it was possibly the most boring Oscars ever! I give it a "C-" (normally I grade them C)

Well, there you go, there's my sum up of the Academy Awards, which I know you were eagerly awaiting.

My first Hockey Game ever-I'm sharing this with everyone, because, well, it was just so special and I'd recommend everyone experience the rapture & excitement at least once in their lifetime. I sat next to my friend, me, him, his wife, and his wife's friend. We had great seats, right at the end of the rink, one row up from the ice with a big plexiglass sheet between us and the maniacs. Thank God, because they are nuts, slamming into each other, tripping each other, fighting, and skating really fast, with sticks flying and the damn puck thing smashing into the glass two feet from your head every freaking minute: it's like being in a war zone! I was screaming and jumping out of my seat in fear every two minutes for the first quarter. Then I got used to it, kind of like living on the Gaza Strip I guess.

But, I have to admit, the good thing about hockey is you don't have to pay attention to the game. Which is ideal for those of us who suffer from A.D.D, or possibly dislike organized sports, and prefer a nice visit with a friend to following a confusing game with a myriad of strange rules, penalties, terms and customs. With hockey, you just look up once in a while when the crowd starts yelling and screaming so loud you can't hear each other talk, like when the players go berserk and try to kill the referee. Then you can go back to talking to your friends, with an occasional 'Yay' or 'go get um' or some other words of encouragement when the crowd started roaring. Hockey is nowhere near as boring as baseball. No rude scratching or spitting going on, they don't have time for it! If they stopped to scratch, someone would skate right over them. It's constant action, flying ice sprays and chunks, pucks, sticks, gloves, masks etc. And they serve cocktails to the crowd no doubt to calm their nerves. How thoughtful.

Just some of the exciting events of the evening:

Ok: so I'm sitting there, with some empty seats next to me and suddenly this giant THING comes and sits next to me-- it's the team mascot who had a giant hockey mask head, and appeared to be approx. 7 feet tall. Unfortunately, for me, I feel the same way towards mascots as I do towards clowns. Serious nightmares for at least a month & possibly intense therapy as well. Knowing my friends are well aware of my phobias, I'm looking at them thinking they had planned it, or possibly had paid IT to sit next to me. They are totally enjoying the moment and deny any involvement. My friend tells me, "here's your date" and the THING put it's arm round me like I was IT'S girlfriend. IT appeared to be settling in for the game, which was quite frightening, as I was now paralyzed with fear. When IT FINALLY left, IT kissed my hand (well, sort of as it had a giant head with a huge hockey mask on). Needless to say, I was thrilled... well, it actually was kind of funny looking back.

But, wait, that wasn't the end of the excitement ...

There was the game show aspect that added another element of fun:

At half-time, or whatever they call it in hockey-land, contestants rode motorized toilets around an obstacle course on the ice. That was very special. Contestants also dressed up like ostriches and chickens as well, for part two of the entertainment; definitely more entertaining than the Super Bowl half time but no bared chests or lingerie. I wasn't quite sure what the connection was to the hockey game, but I was grateful they didn't have rappers with their pants falling down chanting some nasty, threatening lyrics at us that we can't understand. And then, we all got to throw these spongy, numbered, hockey pucks into the rink, and who's ever got the closest to the middle would win a car or something, and .....drum roll......... no, I didn't win. But, good clean all American fun. Maybe the Super Bowl entertainment committee should go to a hockey game. I'll write them...

Overall, it was kind of like being at a big party with lots of drunk people since they offer the opportunity to load-up with beer and cocktails, which I'm thinking is probably not a good combo: bashing, fighting, men flying around the ice with big sticks, and a crowd drinking hard liquor! What a wild & fun combination! I definitely can understand the attraction to hockey. It's kind of a 'participation' sport. And the more you drink, the more you get to participate. This one guy behind me would yell advice to the players-he seemed to know them all by their first names, and he would tell them exactly what they should be doing in hockey terms like he was their coach- I guess he couldn't figure out THAT THEY COULDN'T HEAR HIM since we are basically sealed behind plexiglass! But, my ear is still ringing thanks to his bellowing. Another guy behind us, at the very end of the game and no doubt well-lubricated, started yelling out these really long insults to the opposing team, but obviously he'd had a few too many because they were really long and hard to follow because he'd have to stop and get his breath so he could continue his string of insults: "Alaska Polar Bears are as bad as the football team the Detroit Lions... in their worst season ever- like back in '43...and they can't win if they try... and their mothers wear combat boots...and they should go back to where they came from.....because they are the worst team in the whole league" and on and on like that. (Well, maybe not those exact words, but close!) --and to add insult to injury , the lousy visiting team that is the worst team in the entire world beat the home team, so, I'm not sure if his insults had the desired effect. 

And then, to cap the evening with a special touch, a lovely memento:

As we left, happy, exhausted and hoarse from trying to talk to each other over the roar of the crowd, and some no doubt quite inebriated, we each got a free, almost one foot tall bobble-head hockey player with an appropriately missing front tooth who appears to be riding a hockey stick. I'm not quite sure about his positioning on the hockey stick, I don't remember seeing anyone doing that. hmmm, guess I'll have to go again, and watch a bit more closely. Needless to say, I will treasure it and my hockey game memory always...