ARMY WEATHER

• Inclement weather always begins AFTER you've already done PT. 
• A sudden downpour always occurs at the end of a summer field exercise--just in time to coat all your equipment and camouflage with mud.
• The best beach weather always occurs when you are in the field wearing MOPP 4.
• There is no such thing as a blue sky during a company picnic.
• There is no such thing as a cloudy sky when your unit needs to infiltrate enemy territory.
• Road conditions are always red when it's time to convoy home.
• Motor pools are always 20 degrees warmer than the rest of the post during the summer and 50 degrees colder in the winter.
• Army training areas exist in a constant state of weather flux controlled by a deity with a truly cruel sense of humor--How do you think we got them so cheap?
• The peak of Mt. Everest would flood if an Army unit was told to set up on it.
• Hell really would freeze over if someone decided to conduct an exercise there.
• The Port-a-Potty Postulate states that the likelihood of a hurricane, sandstorm, tsunami, or blizzard occurring immediately over your location is directly related to how bad you need to get to the portajohns at the other side of the campsite in the middle of the night.
• The temperature always rises to 70 degrees AFTER you put on two layers of polypros, your bear suit, and all of your Gortex.
• If you whine about the weather, someone else will always whine louder.