First Inning:

 

Just as I sit down in front of the TV with my meatloaf, tater tots, and cola I think to myself, “These 5:30 start times always kill the A’s.  I think briefly about game five of the 2000 ALDS when T-Long lost a fly ball in the sun and cost Oakland the game in the first inning.  Boom.  Home run Jeter on the first pitch of the game.  Here we go again.  This happens every time they make us play at 5:30.  It’s bullshit.  This never happens to the east coast teams.  We have to take this shit just so the game can fit into ESPN’s schedule.  Fuck ESPN.  TV shouldn’t have this kind of impact on the games.  Neither should the Raiders.  I hate Al Davis and the way his extra seats fuck up my outfield.  End of the first, 1-0 Yanks.

 

Second Inning:

 

Yer fucking kidding me.  I hate Mark Bellhorn, he just hit a dinger.  Fly ball…can we get some love from the wind?  No, damn!  But I’ll take that error by Sheff for two bases.  I like Jay Payton.  I was against that trade, I loved Byrnsie.  Last week Payton ran in from center field and got a force out at second base.  Payton comes through with the RBI and it’s 2-1 Yanks.  Oh Bullshit!  This ump sucks, that was not a strike to Johnson.  Fuck!  Well He should have swung to protect the runner anyway.  End of the second 2-1 Yanks.

 

 

Third inning:

 

               This ump really does suck, that was s trike to Sheff, now he’s on first.  I hate Giambi.  I hate watching Chavez take fastballs.  I hate it even more when he tries to pull pitches on the outside corner.  Great, end of the inning, 4-1 Yanks.

 

Fourth Inning:

 

               I need more meatloaf.  Damn, a double by Jeter leading off.  This is trouble.  Jeter’s going to hit for the cycle.  And there goes Jeter stealing third.  And a triple for Matsui.  I’m switching over to Entourage if this keeps up.  Base hit for Sheff, 5-1.  This game is over.  Zito’s out after 3.1 innings and in come Yabu.  Zito was up in the zone with everything tonight.  (I’m at a point in my life where beer commercials actually make want to buy beer.)  This is what it’s like to be an A’s fan.  I’m almost numb to it now.  I feel like a pro, never getting too high, never getting too low.  Knowing that heartbreak is just around the bend if I let myself get caught up in hoping.  Scott Hattberg’s weak grounder to lead off the inning is a metaphor for the A’s in this century.  At first, when you can’t really grasp the angle, it looks like it might get through, but then it doesn’t.  Every time you’re ready to believe in Oakland, they lose a crucial series to the Yanks or Angels.  As I wrote the last sentence Johnson hit into a double play.  Typical.  End of the fourth 6-1 Yanks.

 

Fifth Inning:

               Finally we keep ‘em off the board.  I hate how much cheering there is when the Yanks do something good.  Why can’t we own our own park?  Ha!  A-rod just fell over trying to catch a pop-up; finally something to cheer about.  One out, two outs, Scoooooooooooooooooooooooot!  Scoot was a good story last year, he’s a good story this year.  He is the second coming of Frank Menechino.  He’s that guy who’s not going to start on his own merits, but you want him there when the main guy goes down.  He’s that gritty little Eckstein type, but not quite as good.  (Which reminds me, why doesn’t Jamie Carroll get more time for the Nats?)  End of the fifth, 6-2 Yanks.

 

 

Sixth inning:

 

               Great, slow point in the game and now they start to recap the A’s futility against the Yanks in the playoffs.  Of course this means they’re showing “The Jeter Play” again.  They already showed it at the top of the show, but like the Varitek-A-rod fight they’ll show it every time these two play on ESPN.  Well, Yabu is holding them down, but if the A’s are going to do anything they better do it soon, before Gordon and Rivera come into play. Beagle’s are cute.  I like watching the hometown fans.  They seem so zany and fun on TV.  A walk with no outs and the crowd is alive.  They think we can get something going here.  Then Chavy pops out.  A hittie for Hattie and there are two on for Payton.  Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!  FOUL!  Damn, there I go hoping again.  Can John Miller stop saying people are “a former Red Sox.”  It looks better in print, say it out loud.  See how stupid that sounds?  I know it’s spelled with an ‘x’ but how can some one be a plural thing?  It sounds like shit.  John Miller is an idiot.  Giambi is a former Athletics.  Well for all that Oakland gets zilch.  End of the sixths, 6-2 Yanks.

 

Seventh Inning:

 

               I love rum.  Rummy rum rum.  A robot can make you a car, a bike, and a microchip; but none of these things can make you a robot.  Wow, so this is why people think baseball is boring.  Running down the A’s injuries just for fun: Kotsay, Crosby, Harden (best pitcher the last two years).  Speaking of Harden, why didn’t the A’s start him on the next to last day of the year in ’04?  Kendel’s up.  He has the most at bats without a home run out of all players in MLB this year.  It’s been like 50 years since someone had 500+ at bats and no homers in a season.  Sigh.

 

Eighth Inning:

 

               It’s fitting that MLB is kicking off its hurricane relief on Roberto Clemente day.  Clemente died flying relief supplies to Nicaragua after an earthquake.  I’ve never liked Joe Morgan.  He’s saying that whoever plays against the Wild Card team should get four out of five home games in the first round.  That’s idiotic.  His logic is that the division winners have earned it (fine), that in the NFL Wild Card teams play all they’re games on the road (not true, depending on who else wins/ loses the WC in the NFL may host the conference championship game), and that this would be the only way to “crown a true champion.”  (BTW Witasick just loaded the bases.)  The thing is that if the division champ is so much better than the WC team, why do they need the edge?  If you need an artificial edge like double home field advantage are you a true champion?  If you’re the true champion shouldn’t you be able to beat everyone?  If you lose, you lose.  Stop whining.  Back to the game…We’re going to lose this one, just hit Bellhorn in the face.  He walked him.  If yer gonna walk him anyway you might as well hit him in the face. 

 

               Great, it takes Chavy getting fooled before he’ll take one the other way.  Hattie, fielder’s choice and the A’s get one more.  That’s all they’ll get.  End of the eighth, 7-3 Yanks.

 

Ninth Inning:

 

               Huston Street is good.  Non-save situation, Rivera’s in anyway.  Game over.  I think the phrase “He fisted him” should be banned from baseball broadcasts.  That’s it, end of the game, 7-3 Yanks.  Good night folks.

 

              

               It is a rare thing in this world, for some of us anyway, that we can experience a truly good day.  We have normal days.  We have days that aint half bad.  We have uneventful days, mellow days, and pleasant days.  But it is rare that we have a grade A, bonafide, Ice Cube type god day.  Yesterday was one of those days.  July18, 2005 was a good day in the life of your fav Ranter.

 

               I woke up late.  I didn’t care.  I was rested and happy having had a wonderfully mellow and relaxing weekend.  I took a long shower and sat down to breakfast and Sports Center.  When I opened the fridge to grab the milk my eyes alit upon the meatloaf I’d made Saturday morning but had yet to sample.  My stomach perked up at the thought of a nice meatloaf lunch and positively beamed when I realized I still had two slices of real sourdough, left over from my trip to Cali, to go with it.  I showed up 45 minutes late for work and no one seemed to care.  I had a meeting with my supervisor, which ate up most of the rest of the morning, and before I’d had a chance to settle into the day it was meatloaf time.  The meatloaf was divine, my mothers recipe for the most part.  Little did I know that the best parts of the day were yet to come.

 

               As lunch was wrapping up I got an IM from former BISR contributor DMJ.  A few years ago I had asked DMJ why I never saw him online.  He gave me some pithy response about how IM was stupid and anyway he preferred to really talk to people.  So imagine my surprise when I get a strange IM from someone I swear I don’t know.  “I’m on IM all the time” says DMJ.  So, why is this exciting?  Is it simply the admission from an old cynic that IM isn’t just for losers?  Is it the realization that the only thing hiding DMJ’s status as a full on computer geek was the years long drought of having a decent computer?  No.  The exciting part came when my computer started ringing.  I clicked on the unfamiliar icon that seemed to be the source of the ring and heard DMJ’s pleasant and familiar “Why hello there.”  AIM voice chat!  I scrambled for my headphones as my heart sang with the knowledge that this here to now useless feature (I didn’t know anyone else who had iChat) was finally bearing fruit.  “Free phone calls.”  I spent the next twenty minutes looking like a geek who had finally melted down mumbling to my computer breaking down baseball trades as my coworkers passed in and out of the break room asking each other if they should call the white-coats on me.  It was giggle-icious.  

 

               Shortly after getting off the line with DMJ our VP asked to see me.  He told me he’d just processed the paper work for my annual review.  My annual review had been the topic some controversy, first between my supervisor and I, then between myself and the beautiful Miss K.  Though none of us disagreed about my accomplishments over the past year we differed in out opinions about how much these accomplishments were worth in terms of a raise.  The max raise under my company’s system is 5%.  The number I wanted was slightly above that.  I have a high opinion of myself.  My super wanted to focus solely on the numbers in the charts that came out of my review ignoring what I deemed to be my “intangibles.”  Miss K preferred to knock me off the pedestal I had placed myself upon by deriding my various accomplishments, which I had inflated a small bit in order to impress my boss, in favor of a view that was slightly less flattering than my reality.  All of this made the following moment so much sweeter.  As I steeled myself for a defense of my number, the number that was off the regular scale, the number I was sure I was worth, the VP told me he had adjusted things to a nice even number.  I tried to maintain my professional demeanor as he then quoted me the number I’d been carrying around in my head the past six months; a number that came in at around 5.26%.  Now I know what you’re thinking oh cynical reader, “Why the fuss over .26%?”  Why indeed.  Well for one thing, it does bring things to that nice round number I mentioned earlier.  Second, that .26% is roughly one car payment, or two student loan payments.  Finally, and most importantly, it’s respect.  It’s a small nod to the fact that I do more to help the company than other people in my position.  It’s my Rod Tidwell moment.  It’s my little slice of the Kwon.

 

               My good day ended when Miss K and I took her mother out to a ball game.  For those who have yet to experience it there is nothing like a minor league baseball game.  Except maybe a really cool little league game.  Minor league baseball is everything Bull Durham made it out to be; low prices, small crowds, and parks so intimate the players can actually hear you heckle them.   It was in this setting, in a mostly empty Double-A ballpark in suburban Maryland where I snagged my first ever foul ball.  It wasn’t terribly challenging since the fouls were raining down like shooting stars on a camping trip, and I had to out race an eleven year old kid to get to it, but it was a satisfying end to the kind of day that can rescue your soul from whatever you’ve slogged through to get there; and I didn’t even have to use my AK.

               East Coast baseball fans are a bunch of morons.  Seriously, I have heard and seen more stupid things living out here than I ever did back home by the bay.  I first noticed this a couple years ago as fans in the Bronx wildly cheered every medium deep fly ball can of corn hit by their beloved Bombers as if it were a game seven walk off slam.  That particular trend continued this season in Baltimore as the O’s fans went crazy every time Sammy or Miggy popped-up.  In fact, the only place I’ve seen a hint of baseball acumen has been at RFK where Nats fans appropriately cheered a ground ball to the right side that advanced a runner from second with no outs.  (If you didn’t follow that keep reading it’ll get easier.)  The madness continued this weekend in Philly where I took a road trip to see the Red Sox take on the Phightn’ Phils.  Philly is a great town.  I got a t-shirt with the slogan “Vote For Bobby” emblazoned Napoleon Dynamite style across the front.  I saw a gem of a ballpark in Citizen’s Bank Ballpark.  After two feet of hoagie I determined that Pat’s is WAY better than Geno’s.  I also heard some of the most ridiculous trade talk on the local sports station. 

 

               Here’s the deal, the A’s are basically out of it.  Oakland is seven games out of the wild card right now, which will be hard to make up.  However, the A’s are hot right now.  They’ve won eight of their last ten and are inching closer and closer to .500.  Still, the assumption in Philly, and everywhere else with a contending team, is that the A’s are close to mailing it in and dismantling the ball club.  I ask why?  The A’s are finally starting to look like the etam that many people, including me, thought they would be heading into spring training.  They’re getting quality starts out of their young pitchers, the bullpen is holding leads, and the bats are coming around.  If Chad Bradford can comeback healthy, and Juan Cruz can figure out his control problems this team will be tough to beat down the stretch.  If teams like Seattle pack it in, and Texas’ pitching woes continue the A’s could very well find themselves back in the wild card hunt before too long.  But even if they don’t there’s no reason for a fire sale this year.

 

               First off the A’s payroll is right about where it should be and knowing Billy Beane probably a few million under budget.  Since it’s unlikely the A’s will add anything this year there’s no reason to dump payroll.  The only A’s players of note who can walk after this year are Octavio Dotel who has no trade value, and Mark Kotsay who’s working on an extension.  Most of the trade rumors surrounding the A’s have focused on Kotsay, a superb defensive out fielder with a good bat, and Barry Zito who’s been in obvious decline since his 23-5 Cy Young season in 2002.  Even if this year is a lost cause the A’s should hold on to both these guys.  The A’s got off to a slow start this year and every player save Marco Scutaro played far below their usual and expected level for the first two months.  As a result Oakland dug a deep hole from which they may not emerge this year.  However, unlike previous years they have no superstars eating up payroll and waiting to walk.  Also, unlike previous years the A’s can take a mulligan on this year and keep their credibility with the fans as long as they remain competitive and don’t totally pack it in.  Also, with a new owner in place the A’s may be in a position to add an impact free agent to complement the pieces they already have.

 

               Still, the rumors persist.  The Yankees and Cubs are said to be high on Kotsay, which is fine for them but begs the question, in return for what?  The word at the water cooler for the past few years is that the Yanks don’t have any quality prospects in their farm system and I don’t see anyone on their major league roster who I’d want for Kotsay.  Do you want Bernie Williams (.249/04/27/.341/.708)?  Here’s a guy who’s been so bad in the field this year that he’s been replaced by Tony Womack who’s played 18 games in center during his 11 year career.  Who else do you want for a 29 OF in his prime?  How about Tony Womack (35), or Reuben Sierra (39)?  The only other piece the Yanks would likely give up is Giambi.  Giambi has gotten himself up to.256/05/22/.396/.771 and I know I advocated for him earlier, but I still don’t want a 34 year old fallen slugger in exchange for Kotsay.  So who do the Yanks give up?  Exactly.  Looking at the A’s needs and the rosters of each team I’d say the only player the Yanks could put in the centerpiece of a deal is Robinson Cano.  The rookie 2B is hitting .282/05/25/.310/.764 in 174 ABs.  A Cano for Kotsay deal would move Swisher or Byrnes into center and open up time for Charles Thomas.  The Yanks could then move Womack back to second to fill in for Cano.  As for the Cubs, well, I’ll take Corey Patterson because he’s young and could develop into a Kotsay type player even though his defense isn’t all there yet. 

 

               Which brings us back to the stupidity of Philly fans.  All weekend I heard one caller after another propose a Zito for Pat Burrell deal. This belies their complete lack of baseball knowledge in that they obviously have not looked past Zito on the roster.  The A’s currently have five major league quality outfielders (Kotsay, Swisher, Byrnes, Kielty, and Thomas) so why on earth would they give up Zito for another OF?  Burrell is a nice player who would add some pop to the line-up, but I don’t think he’s worth giving up Zito.  There are lots of ways to create offense, but pitching is at a premium.  Besides that, who does Philly use to replace Burrell?  Kenny Lofton’s been hurt, Endy Chavez sucks, and Jason Michaels, while good, has only had 142 ABs this year.  The Phils could resign Doug Glanville who was traded to the Yankees in the Lofton deal and then cut by NY.  Still, unless the A’s gave up an outfielder like Byrnes, and brought back a pitcher (Tim Worrell?) the deal wouldn’t make sense seeing as how Dan Meyer isn’t ready for prime time.

 

               Of course, the A’s don’t need an outfielder.  In fact, if they hold on to Kotsay the A’s don’t really need anything.  The only holes they had going into this year were on the right side of the infield.  Since they’re slow start Mark Ellis has come around and Dan Johnson is doing well at 1B.  Other than that the A’s are set at every position.  I’d like to see more from Jason Kendal on both offense and defense but I’m willing to give it another year.  Peter gammons seems to be the only major media type who thinks that the Yanks, Cubs, et al. will have a hard time prying young players out of small markets this year.  Teams like the A’s who don’t need to dump payroll and have a strong farm system don’t need to give away the pieces that would complete the big boys.  After all, why help solidify the Yanks outfield for the next five years when you can take advantage of Bernie’s bad knees for the next two or three?  Instead the A’s, Brewers, Pirates and Tigers should sit tight and go get ‘em next year.