Compelled to include the word "pantsuit" in any and all articles about the Senator, journalists—as well as rabid bloggers ideologically drunk on the angry alliteration of the nickname "Pig in a Pantsuit"—vie to describe the Senator’s well-timed rotation of evocatively-hued outfits. To supporters, she is clad in "cheery buttercup yellow"; to political foes, their eyes sting at the sight of a shade which "blazes like a psychedelic banana". Turquoise, coral, or classic black; there is no escaping the media’s fascination with this confident and fetching parade of pant-suited practicality.
What other national figure is so closely associated with an item of clothing? Strange sartorial bedfellows Tucker Carlson and Louis Farrakhan have done their best to popularize the bowtie, but to no avail. If awkward hairpieces may be considered fashion accessories, then thanks are due to many male legislators for remaining delusional in their devotion to the toupee trade. But sadly, financial support of hair enhancement does not equate with acknowledgement. Time after time, we find a congressional leader who speak out forcefully on the most controversial subjects of our time silent on the status of his own rug-enhanced visage.
But Senator Clinton wears her pantsuits proudly. For a pantsuit is power: the power to sit on an uncomfortable folding chair secure in the knowledge that you will never unintentionally flash the crowd while discussing watershed management. A pantsuit is democracy in action: devoting equal attention to both top and bottom halves of the body. And a pantsuit is freedom: the freedom to chose to leave your legs unshaven all winter if you feel like it. (Although Senator Clinton’s legs are always kept smooth and silky and FEMININE, according to her spokesperson, who adds that Clinton’s calves are not pudgy at all, despite vicious rumors spread by a skirt-industry-supported right-wing conspiracy.)
For her unwavering support of the "split-crotch solution", The Pantsuit Purveyors of America will present The Pantsuit Awareness award to Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton (or at the very least, a friendly video feed) at a catered luncheon on November 10th, 2004. The event will be held in The Tahari Room of the Evan Picone Pavilion, Conference Center, and Hot Stone Spa. Pantsuits are obligatory—except for men, of course.