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| 11.07.2005 |
6:56 PM Now That's What I Call Cheerleading (Part 69) Tired of TO-centric tirades? Consider the case of two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders who were arrested yesterday at a bar in Tampa for (drumroll please) having lesbian sex in a bathroom stall. Well, not exactly. Apparently Renee Thomas, a 20-year-old, hit somebody and was arrested for that. And then was charged with presenting false ID to the police, which I suppose is what you do when you're underage and in a bar. As for the having lesbian sex part of the allegation, that's what witnesses said. Then again, this was in Tampa Bay and the Panthers had just broken open a pint of whup-ass against the led-by-the-wrong-spawn-of-NFL-Hall-of-Fame-QB Bucs. I suppose Thomas and her "friend," 26-year-old Angela Keathley, were lucky they weren't accused of having three-way sex with long-time Tampa Bay denizen and coke fiend Dwight Gooden in that stall. Or of seducing a Devil Rays batboy. In a post "Debbie Does Dallas" world, American men have been preconditioned to expect cheerleaders in bathrooms to get down-and-dirty with each other in situ, just as they expect single gals to drop to their knees for pizza delivery boys and say they ordered extra sausage. Don't even get me started on pool boys. So is the true genesis of this "crime" an animus against cheerleaders in general, lesbian/bi-curious cheerleaders, or opponents' cheerleaders? I know fans of cheesy porn the world over will have their eyes on Tampa Bay for at least the next 20 milliseconds. And That Other Thing . . . About that pesky T.O. bloke: The word from the Eagles is in, and he is out -- for the rest of the year. Isn't this just yet another case of T.O. being T.O. being an asshat? Philly, didn't you know that when you got him? Baltimore, aren't you glad he isn't your problem? Suspension for 4 games, inactive the rest of the season. He's taken being "Keyshawned" to a new level. The Eagles had to know T.O. is more than willing to slam anyone to get out of his relatively lousy contract. And it is a lousy contract for someone of his playmaking ability -- $9 million in bonus and salary last year, $3.5 million this year for an average of $6.25 million a year. (As for the $49 million over seven years quoted in most accounts, you always figure what the payout is over three years; after then either the salary is too high for cap purposes and the player is cut or a new contract is negotiated, almost as a matter of course.) So this past offseason the Eagles should have asked what it would cost to keep T.O. quiet through the 2007 season. By telling T.O. to live with his contract, they cast the die for this season. Given his history, who in their right mind in Eagles management could have expected him to act like a "consummate professional," rather than the pass-grabbing mercenary he is? No one player can win a championship, but the absence of a true standout can definitely ruin a team's chances. Obviously the agent who failed to file the paperwork necessary for T.O. to become a free agent after the 2003 season set this whole crazy circus into action and shouldn't be allowed to represent children at Little League tryouts. And compared to what T.O. said about Jeff Garcia in San Francisco, Donovan McNabb got off easy. Still, cancer is as a cancer does, and T.O., thy name is carcinoma. On Donavan and The Rest of the Season After the T.O. suspension announcement but before Sunday night's kickoff, I was all set to tell Green 5 to shut it down for the season. But obvious miscues aside (the halftime nonspike and the fourth-and-4 INT), Donavan was actually moving pretty well for someone with his injury report. Perhaps more QBs should develop sports hernias. Still, the Eagles are playing with an offense out of balance -- an offense that is incapable of running, rather than one that simply chooses not to. And without T.O., there is no deep threat to force opposing defenses to lie back and thus open up room for the underneath routes to Bryant Westbrook and L.G. Smith. The one touchdown the Eagles got against the Redskins was just a short crossing route that Reggie Brown was able to snake past the Washington secondary. In short they were contained. So should Donavan shut it down? I'm not convinced about anybody else in the division. New York looked terribly mortal against the sad-sack Niners, and any team that can just hold onto the ball should be able to pick apart their D. And in the big D, Swami Kahuna sees a future without Flozell Adams anchoring an offensive line, which means the potential for a world of hurt for Drew Bledsoe. Finally, the Redskins could easily be 2-6 or even 1-7 at this point; Washington has clearly used up their luck in this season where they just squeaked by the Bears and Seahawks, stole one from the Cowboys on Santana Moss's coming-of-age party, and were lucky to face an Eagles team clearly in disarray. To Eagles fans I say this season is not over, and that opportunities abound during the NFL's second semester. Donavan should ride again, and Andy, you need to establish the run over the remainder of the season (not necessarily a 50:50 run-pass ratio, but just enough to keep opposing defenses honest). And for the front office, get what you can in trade for T.O. -- which is what you should have done before the season started once you decided not to renegotiate this year. And if the answer is "nothing," then just cut his ass and screw the suspension. |
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