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| 6.22.2004 |
8:04 PM Hello, Cleveland! If you're reading this blog, I'm guessing you remember the part in "This Is Spinal Tap" when our daft rockers get lost in the bowels of an arena and can't find their way to the stage. "Rock and roll! Er, not quite . . ." That's the way I feel about my country. Here's a few tips, America: 1) The world doesn't hate us; they just hate what we're doing in Iraq, our sense that we're always right when we're often wrong, and our SUV/Big Gulp complex. 2) Sooner or later you have to pay the piper. (You could kill him, but you'll never, ever see another piper again.) So start thinking about balancing the federal budget, just like a sane person would balance his/her own personal budget. 3) Drive with care. 4) How about a little more respect for the people who serve you food, clean your clothes and offices, make copies, deliver your mail, and in general stop bad things from happening? 5) If you have to yell, go scream at the ocean (it can take it). 6) Just because it goes to 11 doesn't mean it belongs there all the time. My Return to the Theater Years after my less-than-triumphant sojourn on the boards, it my be time for me to return to the stage -- perhaps as a producer. With Mr. P. Diddy bringing back "A Raisin in the Sun," I thought it might be time to put a little juice and flavor back into some old standards. For example, how 'bout: 1) Oklahomie, a redux of "Oklahoma" that would star Damon Wayans, and as many other Wayans kin he cares to drag along; 2) South Central Pacific, where the SeaBees would be replaced w/ Crips, Bloods would be the Japanese, and Nelly Forbush would be played by Beyonce; and 3) The Motherf*(&#!ing Music Man, starring Samuel L. Jackson. While this list is far from conclusive, I'm sure it's a good start. |
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| 6.10.2004 |
6:55 PM Is America That Thin Skinned? It's official: America's sense of humor has gone the way of the dodo. WXYZ, the Detroit ABC affiliate took Jimmy Kimmel off the air on Wednesday after he said, "They're going to burn the city of Detroit down if the Pistons win," during halftime of Tuesday's second game of the NBA finals. Grace Gilchrist, the manager of WXYZ, immediately pulled Kimmel's show off the air in Detroit, and the station's news director, Andrea Parqueto-Taylor, told the Detroit News there was little chance Kimmel would be reinstated. "We think that there is a lot of discussion about how Jimmy Kimmel has jeopardized his right to have clearance in this community," she said. "Totally out of line. We have got probably one of the strongest audience bases in the country for him. An apology is not going to cut it at all. We're not going to accept that from him." Can't anybody take a joke? It's not as if Kimmel lied to the American people about an impending threat from Iraqi weapons of mass destruction that short-circuited U.S. combat efforts against al Quaeda in Afghanistan, left hundreds of U.S. troops and tens of thousands of Iraqi civilians dead, and damaged America's standing in the rest of the world for generations to come. Then again, all that does is make you the standard-bearer for the Republican party. Kimmel did apologize, saying "Clearly, over the past 10 years, we in L.A. have taken a commanding lead in postgame riots. If the Lakers win, I plan to overturn my own car." And Jimmy, I'll even come over to help. (By the way, Jimmy, could you spot me a few simoleons for air fare to L.A., a rental car (not to be overturned), and some bumming-around cash while I'm out there?) As I continue to say, joke'em if they can't take a f**k. |
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| 6.01.2004 |
8:37 PM Sick-adas I just had to get this out of my system: I hate cicadas. It's been about three weeks, and they're everywhere now, especially crunching underfoot. Greco, my esteemed dachshund, is one of the few dogs in the neighborhood that is not gorging on the buggers, which have the unfortunate tendency to fly blindly into anything and everything. And the noise! A single cicada can generate 90 decibels of din using its tympanic chamber, so millions of them going at it create this unnerving, otherworldly buzz. I found one in my office today; I don't know how it got there. And to think some people consider them a delicacy. Yuck. They can have my share. The only good news: They'll be gone in six weeks, not to be seen for another 17 years. |
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8:17 PM No Choice But Ready I never thought it would be me, but here I am: 40. When I turned 30, most of my family and I -- staying in San Francisco for my brother's law school graduation -- were touring Napa and Sonoma Valley vineyards, partaking of the grape. The day ended atop a hill at Iron Horse Vineyards, quaffing quite tasty nice blanc de noirs bubbly with my somewhat toasted father. Ten years later, and I think I've aged not so badly -- but there's still plenty of room for improvement. At least there was sushi with friends, drinks with coworkers, and bonhommie all around, even if your humble narrating kahuna-dude was less than chill with the entire "40 thing". And some catching up with old friends and new. Still, I'm still in need of a real vacation, one that doesn't involve driving 2,500 miles in under a week. I'll have more to say in a bit, but right now I'm a bit worn out from all of it. |
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