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7.30.2006   3:12 AM

help me!! somebody!!! help me!!!
Words can't describe. And every time I see it, I can't stop laughing.

"Mashed potatoes, gravy, and cranberry sauce!! Woooooooo-oooo-oooo-oooo!

Also, the fantastically twisted one with Burt Bacharach.

Geico's gone plumb nutty.

4.27.2006   4:47 PM
<pain-reliever>, please
I know, long time, no blog. Been doing nothing, but lots of it. (smile) Anyway, not much that's prodded me to blog, not since my mother's decided to spend more time on the internet. (chuckles)

But I digress. As to what has moved me to blog today: Brian and Chris (sp - on purpose).

...oh, and add a <imbibable-liquid> chaser
Madlibs, my style. Fill in <pain-reliever> and <imbibable-liquid> with the items of your choice. I plan to take these in preparation for the headache I'll have.

Before I heard, I'd been so happy.

From NFL.com:
Bryant Gumbel and Cris Collinsworth will form NFL Network's broadcast booth, when the league-owned and operated television channel kicks off its live regular-season coverage on Thanksgiving in primetime Nov. 23.

"Bryant is a premier broadcaster with impeccable credentials and allows NFL Network to immediately distinguish its coverage," said NFL Network President and CEO Steve Bornstein. "Cris has proven himself to be the top analyst in football and his presence establishes instant credibility to our telecasts."

brian, stop talking, please, please, just stop
Bryant Gumbel, master of bloated hyperbole, makes me sigh and shake my head. Honestly, if there's a sincere, non-self-aggrandizing thought floating unencumbered in his melon, I'd be surprised. I can just hear him saying on acceptance of the job (in his head, of course, having learned the hard way to muffle his "inside" voice) "No experience in play-by-play? No problem! Take that, big brother!" It could be worse; they coulda picked Jerry Rivers.

Gumbel's stock rose with me, however, after being noted by Paul Mooney on Chapelle's crazy-ass-too-short-lived Show. I love Paul Mooney; just seeing him on the screen, unsmiling, cracks me up because 99 times out of 100 he's about to come out with something wicked and funny.

Audience member: "Why do white people like Wayne Brady so much?"
Negrodamus: "White people love Wayne Brady because he makes Bryant Gumbel look like Malcolm X."

chris, for the love of god, shut up, shut up!!!!
I have less to say but more vitriol to convey. Collinsworth makes me wince, roll my eyes, and grind my teeth so much you'd think I was having a stroke. Even more so than Sean Salisbury or Mark Schlereth.* In fact more than the both of them combined. Smug so-and-so. Can't take him.

And yes, I'm still harboring bad feelings after several of his smarmy remarks about Wanda Sykes, him and Marino. Hall of Famer or no, can't stand his brillant commentary, either.

Collinsworth's cred comes from playing 8 seasons for the Bengals ('81-'88.) Give me a friggin' break. He needs to get over himself. Schlereth has more room for bombasity, he's got the jewelry and fiddy-leven surgeries to back it up.

taking it personally
Gumbel a "premier broadcaster"? Well, hey, it doesn't say he's heir apparent to Walter Cronkite. In fact, it's up there with the laughably mediocre response "He's as good as any <position-on-the-football-field> as I've ever seen." He's that good, eh?**

But Collinsworth is "the top analyst in football"?

(crickets chirping while waiting for rousing, affirmative cheers)

NFL Network President and CEO Steve Bornstein, you don't have to kiss their keesters now, remember? You're paying them. They're your employees. Or perhaps you were reading a statement drafted by their agents and you had to do it as part of their contracts.***

God, may this pair last about as long as Dennis Miller did.

I take this as a personal attack. Someone on the network did this to punish me for DVRing NFL Europe and watching it in 3x fast-forward.

* - Mark, we know; noone's as manly as you. And Sean? Why so angry?

** - I know, it would be tough to substantiate any declarations of "best", "one of the top 5", or any more specific claim. But to the unobservant, this could pass for a compliment.

*** - I'd've said forget it. For someone with no experience playing or calling games but plenty smarts about the game - the pretty one (wry smile) - Suzy Kolber or Pam Oliver would've been a great choice. And for someone with solid football knowledge, I could actually enjoy listening to brainy stats guy Mark Mayock.

2.28.2006   11:59 AM
i've arrived
retired...!I've finally joined the throngs, the hundreds of thousands of folks (maybe it's millions, I dunno) who have moved into the new millennium, smartphones in tow.

I've got a Treo 650. With a camera, for criminy's sake.

Little Nokia, thanks for the years of service; you've done. Tungsten E, you can now retire. Come to think of it, with the screen protector I put on after day 2, it's in pretty decent shape, other than having the name and Palm logo rubbed off. You folks at Palm, listen up - ingrave it, rather than put that cheesy stencil thingy on it. But I digress...

the second greatest thing since sliced bread in a bag
It was almost too easy, the setup, getting the most important data and apps (HandyShopper, yay!) from the well used and well beloved Tungsten. Getting RealPlayer (with the secured tunes!) up and running. And I can't believe I've even gotten used to the keyboard.

But the best: Having my contacts and the phone integrated, all in one. Being able to jot down numbers in Memo, or get numbers from tasks or an Excel spreadsheet (grins!) then copy and paste them into the dialer. I just called my doctor's office, made an appointment, and while on speaker, put the appointment in my calendar. Wow.

Again, another example of technology that works, and works wit ya. Oh, don't get me wrong: I still luuurrrve my Harmony the bestest. But after approximately 18 hours in, I'm really, really loving my little Treo. Shiny, shiny.

Now if I could only figure out how to answer calls without inadvertantly hanging up...

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